Adoption Story: Ben and Michelle

Adoption is full of waiting. Waiting to know if adoption is the way to grow your family. Waiting for the home study to be completed. Waiting to know if you were approved for grants. Waiting to see situations. Waiting to hear if you've been chosen. Waiting for a baby to be born.

But what do you do when the wait is much longer than you anticipated? What do you do if hurdle after unexpected hurdle comes up and you wonder if adoption was really the right way to grow your family? What do you do when you wonder if this was really the best path for you?

Today Michelle shares their long journey of waiting. How she wrestled with never having a promise from God that a baby would be at the end of the wait. And how she learned that following God and being obedient in the midst of it was exactly what her heart, and her family, needed.

Photo credit: Jen Moore Photography

As I sit down to write our adoption story, I wonder where to begin. Do I begin in third grade as my best friend of the year, Angela, told me about living in foster care? Do I begin as Ben and I sat at Cedarville University in a lounge talking about how many kids already needed homes? Or do I begin seven years ago when, after Nathanael’s birth, I had an emergency surgery that reminded me that I didn’t need to get pregnant again to have another child?

All of these are great places to begin. They are all part of our story. There are countless other moments that we considered adoption before acting on it. Ben once answered a survey saying if I were famous it would probably be for running an orphanage. Our hearts have been willing for a long time. However, I think I should start with the first adoption I really knew; being adopted by God. You see I was born into a sinful world, with a sinful family, and with a sinful heart. Jesus came and lived a perfect life and laid down his life so that I may become part of his family. He died to pay for my sins and adopted me into his family. Feeling love from someone who chose me and sacrificed for me, they are the real reason we could keep trying. If I didn’t tell you about this adoption, our perseverance wouldn’t make sense. 

We actually began the work of adoption four and a half years ago. We signed up with Susan at Christian Adoption Consultants, to help navigate the process of adoption. Four and a half years is a long time, but we didn’t get far into the process before deciding to pause it when several traumatic events happened. We needed go through some healing first before we would have time to work on the adoption. Through my own healing I decided to become a Biblical Counselor along the way. We decided to stop putting life on hold for tragedies or hardships and just pursue adoption in the midst of life.  

The next year and a half of waiting held more trauma with extended family divorce, a sibling having a stroke, a near adoption, a failed adoption, and family members’ still birth. And in the midst of it all a world wide pandemic and race protest going on in the background.  

Through all of this I had decided to try to breastfeed an adopted baby for the sake of bonding and for the best nutrition available for him or her. This itself was a hardship. My body took a while to adjust to the medicines and I had some unpleasant side effects along with other struggles. What I didn’t know was that  I began pumping the very week our daughter was being conceived. I pumped five to six times a day for the next eight months without being matched to ax expectant mom and baby.  I struggled on and off wrestling with if I was even supposed to adopt. Every time I prayed and was really down, I felt God assure me to ‘keep going.’ He never promised me a baby or assured me that the end result would be nursing, but he asked me to walk this road. Learning to walk a road without a known destination is hard.  

Finally we got a call that we thought was "the" call.  We were matched with a baby boy already born. I was so excited!  We packed in a hurry waiting to hear a final go ahead. But we never got that final go ahead. The mama had decided to parent. We prayed for her and accepted that this was yet another no or not yet.  

This is when I really had to surrender my plans. I no longer had hope we would adopt, but also did not feel released from the daily work of pumping. I cried out to God about it and once again said, "I will follow where you lead." I wanted assurance that we would adopt and that this pumping was for my baby, but I didn’t get that. I learned to do everything unto the Lord. My pumping, my paperwork, my daily task… their results were up to God. I am just called to follow and obey. We really don’t have control of the future. The Coronavirus has proven that to the world.  

We got a second call just two months later telling us “this is not a drill, pack your bags.”  The birth mom had already signed final papers and we needed to travel right away! Our baby girl was born at 35 weeks gestation, but perfectly healthy. We had our bags packed and were driving to the airport three hours later.  

We traveled during a surge Coronavirus cases in Florida, but once again it became background noise. We had a baby girl. Our three other children travelled a few days after us and joined us in Florida. We had a nice Airbnb and our seven year old even mastered swimming in Airbnb pool. We have some sweet memories in our daughter's birth state stay. All our kids adore her and they line up most mornings to hold her. 

As I finish writing this story we are mere DAYS from finalization. Our daughter is five months old and I'm unpacking the Christmas decorations.  I bought a fourth child stocking that last year and I hung it with hope. There were so many days that empty stocking caused sorrow and longing, but no longer. I get to hang a beautiful stocking for my beautiful girl.   

To those of you waiting… this is what I would remind you: God can do immeasurably more than you ask or imagine. You are not called to a destination, but a road. Walk it well.  

Adoption Story: Danny and Courtney

They were so sure.

I remember talking to Danny and Courtney for the first time and they told me they felt called to adoption. And that they felt like they would welcome twins. We had conversations about the process of adoption and holding loosely to any expectations. I watched them slowly release their dreams and desires to make room for God's perfect plan for their family.

Then we all stepped back and watched God do a miracle. Two miracles to be exact.

Our adoption story has one theme that continues to ring true: God's way is better than ours.

We get to pick and choose a lot of things in life and even in adoption. With adoption, we got to go through a check list of preferences. However, we found that God wanted us to be open to His plan. He is asking us to say yes; yes to his plan. Yes to His children. We had to get to a place where we let go of how we thought our adoption was going to look like and just say yes to God and whatever that looked like. 

From the beginning of our adoption journey, we believed we were called to adopt twins. We felt like one was going to be a boy. There was a time we felt like God said present to this single baby situation. So we did. That wasn't our baby, but God got our yes. Then he had us present to a born baby girl. Again, she wasn't our baby. God was slowly taking us away from our ideas and plans. He just wanted us to be willing to say yes to whoever he had picked for our family. I had to continue to remind myself to give up my dreams and my will and go after whatever God wants. We presented to single babies, we presented to born babies, we presented  to a sibling  group, and we presented to three sets of twins. All of those situations were clearly not ours. All of those "not yets" were really hard. Nobody really prepares you for the emotional roller coaster the adoption road can be. But let me tell you this: God never left our side. 

About six months into our journey, we felt like the Lord laid a song on our hearts to help us get through  the "not yet" situations: "Way Maker" by Leeland. In the song there is a part that says "Even when I don't see it, you're working. Even when I don't feel it, you're working. You never stop, you never stop working." We held tight to this song when we didn't have the words to pray anymore. We knew God is a way maker and a miracle worker. We just had to trust Him and His timing. 

In the process of completely giving our adoption over to God, we got a text from Susan from Christian Adoption Consultants. On March 11th she got an email about twin boys in the NICU and wanted to know if we were interested. We presented and a week later we got a message saying  the parents had chosen us! We quickly  jumped on a plane and headed to Connecticut the next day. Due to the pandemic that was just beginning, we were not able to see the boys in the hospital. Then because of covid the hospital released the boys early into state custody. This was one of the most nerve racking weeks we had to wait, not really knowing if the adoption would even happen. At this point the boys were three weeks old, we still hadn't met them, and we weren't even sure if they would be ours. After many days and much prayer, on March 26, 2020 the boys officially were released to us for adoption.

We were overjoyed, blessed, and completely in shock. Exactly one year and one day previous, in 2019, we had announced to our family and friends that we were taking a huge step in faith to adopt twins. What a year this was! There were things we were worried about like bonding with twins that were already several weeks old and traveling with the pandemic. But God had that too. The boys bonding has been amazing and we are eagerly waiting for our finalization court date.

Through all of this we are reminded God's plan far exceeds ours! It is far better than ours will ever be. I would encourage you, wherever you are in the adoption process to give the unknowns to God. His plan is better than anything we can dream up.

Adoption Story: Matt and Megan

Matt and Megan started working with Christian Adoption Services last summer. They spent the Fall completing their home study and were approved by Thanksgiving. Then the process of waiting began. Six months later, after a call that changed their life, they heard about the baby that would someday be their son. Almost one year to the day that they began their adoption journey they welcomed this sweet little guy into their family. Megan shares their story, their wait, and her advice today on the blog.

The number one piece of advice we would give someone considering adoption would be to remind them the adoption process is 100% in God's timing and control. 

With Susan's wonderful guidance, we tried to be very timely with getting our documentation and home study ready. However, at the end of the day, it was God's plan on when we would have our baby. There were many times where it seemed discouraging, but we would turn to prayer to help us through those tough times. I always knew adoption is in God's hands; however, when we were matched I truly believe now more than ever that God has his hand in the adoption process. 

We always thought we would be matched with an expectant/birth mother through an agency. However, when a local OBGYN reached out (she knew we were in the adoption process) with a potential expectant mother who was 29 weeks along, we were so thrilled and nervous to meet both the doctor and mother. We were extremely lucky to have the opportunity during our adoption process to not only attend the rest of the doctor appointments (our son's lovely birth mother invited us to each appointment) but we also had the opportunity to get to know our son's birth mother on a more personal level. 

We are not only extremely blessed to have our beautiful son, but we also have some wonderful stories to share with him as he gets older about his amazing, selfless birth mother. 

Patience really is a virtue!

Adoption Story: Sam and Lori

Everything can change in a moment. This was the case with Sam and Lori after waiting just a few weeks to be matched. A phone call about a mama expecting a boy...due in a few months. But then, a surprise call and just three days later they met their son.

And those weeks waiting weren't wasted. They had the chance to hear about other expectant and birth moms: learning a bit of their stories. The hard and the broken and the brave. And although they weren't matched with any of them, they had the amazing privilege and opportunity to pray specifically for each one. A mama. A father. A baby with their whole life ahead of them. Details some closest to them might not know that Sam and Lori could pray over specifically.

Sam and Lori's story is a beautiful reminder that God never wastes the wait. And that God is always working, even when we can't see it.

Sam and I met in 2007 and from the very beginning, we knew adoption or fostering would be a part of our story. We also knew we wanted a large family with a house full of kids. Fast forward to 10 years of marriage, two kids, and we were struggling to have a third. After some prayer and many heartfelt conversations, we felt called to pursue adoption. God's presence was felt from the very early stages as we went to church the morning after looking through the list of items we'd need to compile for the home study and reviewing budgets and costs. Feeling overwhelmed at the mountain of paper work and costs in front of us, our pastor spoke that morning about how we are called by God to father the fatherless. That was it: we were all in with both feet. 

We completed our home study in early March and met with Susan shortly thereafter. We believed God had the perfect child for us and because of that belief, we choose to present to almost every situation as we did not want to miss out on His perfect child for us. This resulted in a few months of "nos" and some questioning: Were we being told no because we already had two children? Would we ever hear a "yes"? We were ready now, why weren't we being matched? Susan helped to remind us that for each "not yet" some family received a "yes" and that we had the unique privilege of praying for these mommas and babies whom we had come to know ever so briefly and for their forever families. So that is what we started to do, and what a shift it made in both our reactions to the "not yets!"

On May 1st, we received a call from an agency. We had been matched with a beautiful mom just an hour and a half away from us, due in July with a baby boy. We were ecstatic, overjoyed, and the next morning we began to prepare for our baby boy. We called our family and told them the news. That night, the phone rang with a call from the agency. It was a Saturday and our hearts sank thinking the mom had changed her mind. It turns out the call was much different: she'd gone into labor ten weeks early and was expected to deliver the baby that night! We quickly packed and traveled to the hospital and at 1 am on May 3rd, I was able to meet our son in the NICU at 3 pounds and 9 ounces for the very first time. His mom and I visited into the very early morning hours and we continued to visit over the next several days and I am so grateful to have had this time with her. I was able to get to know her, her story, and the love she has for her son. 

May 6th, we were able to hold our tiny son for the first time and over the course of the next five weeks, Sam and I took turns visiting him in the NICU. Due to COVID, we were not able to be in there at the same time and our older children were unable to come visit him, but the NICU nurses were amazing. During the next five weeks, Lucas continued to defy the doctor's expectations and exceed and meet all of his milestones. At just 35 weeks and 5 pounds, we were able to bring him home. God during this time continued to provide for us and for Lucas. 

Lucas is now five months old and he continues to show us his strength and ability to overcome. He's been the most perfect addition to our family and we are so grateful for God's continued provision for us as he answers our prayers.

Adoption Story: Jake and Caitlyn

“Even when I don’t see it, You’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working. You never stop, You never stop working.” 

This song and these words inspired Jake and Caitlyn to keep going as they walked through their adoption journey. After hearing over a dozen "not yets," Mother's Day was hard as they ached to become parents. Little did they know, just like they prayerfully declared and hoped for, God had been working behind the scenes. Less than a month later, on Father's Day, they had the proof of God's work in their arms. Caitlyn shares the details of God writing their story today...

 

Adoption and having children biologically were always ways we were planning to grow our family. We both had seen firsthand the need for adoptive parents in this world through our overseas mission trips to Haiti, the Philippines, and Kenya. But like many others who share this plan, we assumed we would have children biologically first and then adopt a child. God, of course, had much more incredible plans for us. 

Our adoption story truly starts at the beginning of 2017 when I heard God tell me, more clearly than anything I’ve ever heard from God before, that our family would start through adoption. I didn’t hear how this would happen, so I had my own ideas pop into my head. At the time, we were not even two years into our marriage and just starting out in our careers, so the idea of domestic infant adoption didn’t cross my mind as it wasn’t exactly tangible financially speaking. I came to my own conclusion that we were supposed to pursue the adoption of an older child through foster care. So when I brought up what I heard from the Lord about our family starting through adoption and then the idea I put together for adoption, Jake rationally and calmly told me he wasn’t comfortable with that idea. He didn’t have any experience with children and wanted to gain experience raising a child from infancy before bringing in an older child into our family. If he didn’t feel the same calling as I did, then I figured I must have heard wrong. Unbeknownst to us, it was only my own idea of how we would adopt that was wrong, not what I had heard from the Lord about starting our family by adopting a child! 

In the late spring of 2019, we felt we would be ready to start trying for a child. Truthfully, we hadn’t talked or thought about adoption again since talking about it two and a half years previously. We had just begun trying when I clearly heard from the Lord (again) that we were supposed to be pursing adoption. And that’s when we realized how much our financial circumstances had changed from 2017. Jake started working for a large company in April 2019 that had a generous adoption assistance program and in early 2019, my company had just changed their adoption assistance program and it was the same generous amount. With both of these work programs plus the adoption tax credit, we realized we’d have more than enough funds to fully cover an infant adoption through an agency! It was so clear in that moment that God had been at work for years lining up our circumstances to be able to allow us to bring our first child home through domestic infant adoption with no financial burden to us. 

After doing some research and talking with a few agencies and consultants, we felt Susan and CAC were the perfect fit for us. We signed on in mid-August 2019 as the very first step in our adoption journey! We took our time in the home study process and became fully active and waiting by the beginning of January 2020. The one word I would use to describe the wait for us was peace. As a planner and someone who likes to hold on to the illusion of control, it was so clear to me that this peace could only be explained by God. A strong belief we felt throughout the whole process was that it was not about us finding a child, but that it was about us being the perfect family for a child and their biological family. When we would present and tell those expectant parents that we were praying for them and their children no matter what decision they made, we meant it. We wrote down every “not yet” and continue to pray for them to this day. It wasn’t easy as the “not yets” added up to over a dozen. But we felt such peace being able to pray over those situations, knowing that they found their perfect family, and being confident we would one day be that perfect family for someone else. 

When Mother’s Day rolled around with no sign of a child joining our family soon, it was definitely the hardest day of the wait. Little did we know that just 4 days later, we’d be sent our son’s situation. This would be our 14^th time presenting, so to be honest, there wasn’t anything magical or a special feeling about his situation. Like the other situations we had presented to, it was one we felt a connection to and that we heard a “yes” from when praying about it. So, we went ahead and presented. We knew it would be a while before we heard back, so it hadn’t been on our minds too much because we weren’t expecting to hear back for at least two weeks. Almost two weeks later on May 26^th, we were completely shocked when we got the email that would change our lives forever! We were finally that perfect family for an expectant mom and her child. We traveled down to Florida a week and a half after hearing “yes,” got to meet our son’s incredible first mom and two of his sisters, and our son was born on June 19^th. It was an absolute whirlwind going from no sign of a child on Mother’s Day to Jake being a father on Father’s Day! 

Our wait from being active to hearing “yes” was four and a half months and our wait from hearing “yes” to the waiver of parental rights being signed was only twenty six days, but it definitely felt the opposite. We wanted to let ourselves be excited at the plan for this child to be our child, but we knew we needed to guard our hearts because he was not our son yet. We clung to the peace that no matter what happened, God was in control and was writing our story. We spent as much time as we could loving on our son’s first mom, talking with her, building a relationship with her, and praying for her. When he was born, we were so blessed to both be allowed in the hospital and given our own room given the COVID-19 pandemic. He was wheeled over to us two hours after he was born and roomed with us for the hospital stay, but spent many hours one-on-one with his first mamma. We felt such a mix of overwhelming emotions once she signed away her parental rights and we could officially call her son, our son. The love we felt for him was unlike anything we’d ever experienced; we were elated to share our newest addition with our friends and family, and we were relieved that the wait was over. But on the other hand, our hearts were aching for our son’s first mom and we grieved the life he wouldn’t get to have with her or his sisters. However, we are so grateful for the hope that it wasn’t the end, but instead just the beginning of our relationship with his first family thanks to it being an open adoption.

When we look back at our journey, we are just in complete awe. We are so grateful to Susan and CAC for their help and resources along the way. We have learned SO much about ourselves and about God through this process. Our faith has never been stronger than while we were in the wait. It’s now been made even stronger being able to look back at all of the ways He was so faithful to us and how truly perfect His timing has been. 

I want to end with this word of encouragement for anyone in the wait. The song “Way Maker” by Leeland was the anthem of our journey. I would declare over and over the words from the bridge: “Even when I don’t see it, You’re working. Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working. You never stop, You never stop working.” I can’t help but cry every time I listen to it now thinking about the hundreds of ways God was at work, orchestrating the beautiful masterpiece of our story, while I was declaring those words. If you’re in the wait of adoption, I challenge you to make those words your prayerful declaration. Even when you’re not seeing how your adoption story is unfolding, He is writing it. Even when you’re feeling doubtful that you will get to bring a child into your family, He is crafting a plan greater than your wildest imagination. He is ALWAYS at work in your life. 

Hold on to the hope of that truth, rest in Him, and have faith that you will one day get to view the masterpiece of your story that God has been working on this entire time.  

Adoption Story: Mike and Mallory

Every time I work with a family I get a front row seat to a miracle. Watching first hand how God creates a family; but also seeing His perfect timing, brave birth families, and hopeful adoptive families stepping into unknown spaces.

I watch as couples grow their faith as well as their families. 

Mike and Mallory called me last Spring as they began their adoption journey. They were home study ready by Summer. And by the next Spring this little guy was home. Today Mallory shares what it was like to finally know it was time to take the step toward adoption and how God brought their family together.

Looking back on our adoption journey gives us so much joy in seeing how magnificent God is and how He was working through every step of the process.  

Our journey began with hesitation. We were scared of the unknowns and fearful that it wouldn't work out. But God strategically placed numerous individuals in our life who unknowingly encouraged us to take the leap of faith and pursue adoption.  

Once we started the process, we moved quickly to complete our home study only to wait to be matched. Each time we presented our profile we were hopeful that an exciting phone call would follow, only to hear 'not yet.' It was hard and it hurt. We began questioning God and why he called us to adopt. After numerous situations and what felt like an eternity, that all changed in early January when we received the call that our son's birth mom picked us. And in late April, our son was born! 

If we have learned one thing through this entire experience, it is that God has a plan for you and don't question it. Was our adoption process easy? No. But it is exactly what God had for us and we wouldn't change it for anything. 

"For I know the plans I have for you" this is the Lord's declaration.  "Plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Christian Adoption Consultants have been a blessing throughout this entire process. The prayerful emails and endless resources helped us feel completely supported along the way and we can not imagine pursuing adoption without their support and guidance. 

And if you are wondering whether or not to pursue adoption, as our friends thoughtfully told us, just do it. 

Adoption Story: Drew and Becky

I often get calls from families who have started their adoption journey long before they connect with me. Sometimes they've been in the wait for awhile. Sometimes something unexpected has thrown them a curveball. Sometimes discouragement and frustration has set it. 

When Drew and Becky called me for the first time, they had already been trying to adopt for several years. God had long been working in their hearts and lives to prepare them to welcome a child; they just didn't know when. It turns out, it was just weeks later they were chosen by and expectant mother and three months after that when they held their son for the first time. 

Today Becky has graciously shared excerpts from her blog she wrote throughout their journey to their son. What a beautiful way to trace the conversations they had before they were even married about adoption all the way to their family of three today...

Posted March 7, 2017

A week or two after meeting, Drew came over to my apartment and we sat in the bed of his truck talking about anything that came to mind. One thing we discussed was our futures, separately of course! I just met him, no was way I going to put 'us' in my sentences when discussing the future!

Although we avoided using 'us' in our sentences, there was one word both of us used. A word that just flowed out of each of our mouths with no hesitation. A word that both of us said with so much passion. A word that brings joy to so many people, but can also bring confusing questions and thoughts to others.

Adoption.

Both Drew and I discussed how we felt called by the Lord to adopt a child. The details of gender, age, race, disabilities, etc. did not get discussed. All that was discussed was the simple fact that we both saw adoption in our futures. The details were not discussed, I believe, because we didn't understand what the Lord was doing right then and there! As our relationship grew the word adoption came up more and more. It became a part of our combined future. We knew we would go through the process, but we didn't have any idea when.

For the past three summers Drew has led a mission trip to Montgomery, AL. The trip consists of working with Common Ground Montgomery and House 2 House. These ministries work in the intercity area in a neighborhood called Washington Park. Throughout the week we are there working at the CGM summer camp with the kiddos in the neighborhood, as well as work with H2H and help fix up abandoned homes in the neighborhood.

Since Drew and I have been involved with those ministries our hearts have grown tremendously for the community, ministry leaders, residents, and especially for the kiddos in that area. I would argue, and I think Drew would agree, that the 2016 mission trip was the most eye-opening, heart changing experience.

What is interesting when I say that is from the outside it really wasn't that different from the previous years. We worked with the same kids, stayed in the same area, had a lot of the same crew with us, played the same games. But in our hearts the Lord was working in ways we didn't understand and couldn't put into words. The other interesting thing was that both Drew and I were experiencing the Lord's presence. We were both feeling this extremely strong, no way to deny it, call towards adoption. However, we were not sharing it with each other! (Communication is the number one strength in our marriage, clearly)

About a week after our 2016 trip Drew and I were sitting down for dinner and that word, adoption, came up again. This time it was different than past times. This time the word lead to research, reaching out to friends who have gone through the adoption process, and most importantly prayer. We prayed and researched for about two months. We wanted to make sure we knew what, if we started this process, we were getting into. We also wanted to make sure the agency we used had beliefs that were similar to ours.

As always, the Lord answered our prayers and made it very clear that we needed to begin this process. December 6th we were sitting in our first meeting with an agency central Florida.

And so the adventure began...

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. (1 John 5:14)

Posted January 28, 2020

It’s been a while since we have publicly updated everyone on our adoption journey. So much has happened, yet at the same time there are many days we feel we have made zero progress. Let’s start from the beginning…

In December of 2016 Drew and I began to work with a popular Christian agency and got as far as our second home study (April 2017). Due to some of the things life had thrown at us during our first years of marriage, and the short amount of time that we had been married at the time, they told us they would like us to continue to strengthen our marriage and enjoy being married before we proceeded with them.

“What does that even look like? How do you prove you have a stronger marriage? When are we going to be ‘strong enough’ to have children? Why did we get this far before being told this?”

These were just a fraction of the thousands of questions Drew and I had to wrestle through. Did we need to work on our marriage? Of course, but who doesn’t? Had we only been married a short time? Yes, but we really felt we were ready to start our family! It was extremely painful and confusing time. We counted it as a loss.

Our journey had hit a barricade head on.

When someone who doesn’t know you personally is just checking boxes on a checklist and questions your marriage you have two choices…

1. Believe the lies they are telling you.
2. Fight with everything you have in you to prove them absolutely 100% wrong.

Drew and I only saw one option. We had to prove them wrong. Whoever “they” were. The next two years we spent working on us. We were intentional in learning how to communicate better. We went to counseling and worked through an amazing book about how to “argue” (if you haven’t read Created for Connection it is worth every penny). I know, it sounds ridiculous, how to “argue”, but it has been transformational in our marriage. We established a routine for our week, making each week look as similar as possible, so we are on the same page. Finally, we decided that we refuse to give up us time to please someone else and their agenda.

So, did we get stronger even when we thought we were fine? You bet your butt. Looking back, being told our marriage wasn’t “strong enough” based on a checklist was the BEST thing that ever happened to our marriage.

January 2019, we decide to give this adoption thing another try. We had a personal connection to a local Christian agency and decided to partner with them. We were back on our journey to growing our family. August 2019 we finalized our home studies and in September of 2019 we received our “Congratulations, you’re officially a waiting family” letter. I’m not sure there was a much more glorious day than the day we ripped open that letter. This letter meant that our profile that is created to show birth mothers all about us, our home, our families, our neighborhood, our dreams, etc. was actually going to be shown! We could be chosen any day, week or month. Our agency estimated 12ish months of waiting time. The light was at the end of the tunnel, we could see it!

November 22, 2019 we received an e-mail from the agency we were partnered with. The e-mail simply stated that they were closing their doors. They were no longer able to fund the adoption portion of the agency and were going to continue as just a pregnancy center. That was it. They were done. And our journey once again hit a huge barricade head on.

The agency that closed offered to transfer our file to another agency located in Alabama, but they don’t have a Florida presence. They told us we could wait 4-6 years for a child. In the adoption world that doesn’t just mean 1,460-2,190 days of waiting patiently for a phone call. That means every year that passes results in redoing a ton of paperwork, fingerprints, background checks, physicals, drug tests, blood tests, etc. That means every year that passes is more funds going out the door. Is that something we wanted to sign up for? (Also, we would be 34-36 and 39-41 with a newborn…in other words, looking like grandparents at the kindergarten parent/teacher night.) There were other factors involved in the transfer that Drew and I didn’t feel comfortable with.

  ”What on earth is our next step?”“How do we get the courage to take the next step?”“When is our family ever going to grow?”“Why is this something we feel called to, yet seems impossible?”

Another list of a thousand questions was formed through conversations with Drew. And the answer to all of them is…We. Don’t. Know.

Here’s what we do know. We know that the Lord has a plan for our lives and our marriage. We know that the Lord is the central part of our marriage. We know that the Lord is doing a great work, even today. We know that there are many people praying for us and our little child. But, we also know that the head knowledge of those things does not make the heart hurt any less.

I don’t write this to receive condolences. I simply write to make people aware. When we began this adoption journey, we had no idea how much heartbreak would be involved. We knew some would be involved but never imagined two losses would be a part of our story. Maybe we were ridiculously naïve. Some may say, “I told you so.” And you’re right, you did. And we listened to your concerns and guidance but, that doesn’t change the desire in our hearts to have adoption be a part of our family story and make up. We feel strongly that the Lord has called us to take in a child as our own, as He did with Drew and I (Eph. 1:5).

So here we are. Basically, we are on I-4 (for you Florida people), without Waze, struggling to find our way due to the many barricades. It’s frustrating, but only a matter of time before we get on the right route to growing our family.

He predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will.  (Ephesians 1:5)

Posted May 11, 2020

What. A. Whirlwind. 

The secret is finally out!!! Drew and I are parents to a sweet little bundle of joy, Jaylen Lee. To say we are thrilled is an understatement. But man, we are just so excited that we FINALLY got to shout from the rooftops and share our news with everyone! 

So how did this all happen...

In January, after my previous post explaining that we were basically at another dead end in our adoption journey, I made it my full time job to figure out how we are to get back on the right path and continue to move forward towards growing our family. With our previous agency closing we had to find someone, anyone, who would accept our approved homestudy and not make us start the journey all over again. We met with a local attorney who pointed us toward Christian Adoption Consultants. On February 6th, CAC and an adoption agency graciously added us to their "waiting family" list right away. It was a dream come true. We had never made it this far in our journey! 

February 10th, just a couple of days after becoming a waiting family we were informed that there was an expectant mother ready to look at profile books and choose the parents to raise the child she was carrying. Profile books are basically resumes for your family. They have a ton of pictures and descriptions of your values as a family, your neighborhood, your family and friends, etc. We sent our book to this mother and prayed and prayed and prayed. We were informed that we were not chosen, and we were completely at peace with this. We were just thrilled we got shown, someone knew we were waiting to grow our family. Remember...this was the furthest we had ever made it in this journey. 

February 20th we find out there is another expectant mother ready to make one of the biggest decisions of her life. We sent in our profile book and prayed and prayed and prayed.

February 24th as I was in the car with my sister and my niece, and the agency called me to inform me that we were going to be parents! This beautiful, loving, selfless mother carrying a beautifully created baby boy that was due May 7th, had chosen us to raise her son. The call Drew and I had waited years to hear finally came. So after pulling it together, my sister drove me to church to inform my husband that he was going to be a daddy. (Side note: this church building is where we met, got engaged, got married, and now found out we were going to be parents...I see you God!) 

Drew and I started calling family and dear friends who have walked this journey with us and shared our exciting news with them! Telling our parents and siblings that we were going to be parents was incredible! But, we still had one more hurdle to jump over...

When you adopt a newborn nothing is finalized until the birth mother signs the paperwork at discharge in the hospital. So as you celebrate the fact that you have been chosen as a parent and secretly set up a nursery, there is always the fear that the birth mother is going to change her mind. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. Daily, Drew and I would go through the emotions of "OH MY GOSH! We are going to be parents!" and "This is never going to happen, she's going to change her mind." Daily. For three months. If I ever snapped, seemed clueless, was camped out in La La land, or all of the above...I apologize. Blame the roller coaster.

Because of this huge factor with newborn adoption, we chose to keep it close to the vest just in case she did decide to change her mind. People lovingly asked us, "How's the adoption journey?" and "What's your status?" and we had to lie, kind of, by saying we were still waiting, and we're sorry! The lies were just to protect us emotionally. Had momma changed her mind and chose to parent, we would have celebrated that for her, but we would have been mourning the loss of a child and we didn't want everyone to feel that loss if it wasn't necessary. 

Back to the timeline...

On May 7th at 8:31am this precious little boy, Jaylen Lee was delivered. Due to COVID-19 we were unable to be at the hospital for the delivery. Nothing was official yet, we were just prospective adoptive parents... So we anxiously waited at home on May 7th and 8th and filled our very empty schedules with anything and everything we possibly could. Thank you to each person who helped us fill our schedule, whether you knew what was going on or not. You saved our sanity and my waistline because I am a major stress eater.

May 9th at 11:30am we got a text message from our agency asking us to meet at the hospital at 1pm. It. Was. Go. Time. So we grabbed Nana and Pops, called Grammy and Papa to tell them to get on the road, and off we went to the hospital to meet our baby boy and his strong and courageous birth mother.

And that is how Drew and I became parents to the most perfect, precious, handsome little boy, Jaylen Lee!

You can read more of Drew and Becky's story, originally found on Becky's blog, The Taylor Made.