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Friday, October 18, 2024

Embryo Adoption Story: Matthew and Kati

Today I'm thrilled to share a first. This past Spring. Christian Adoption Consultants welcomed our first-ever baby through embryo adoption! I was blessed to work with his parents, Matthew and Kati, as they walked through the process of adopting sweet Josiah as an embryo, going through the frozen embryo transfer, and carrying his pregnancy. I was in awe watching them prayerfully and thoughtfully go through each step so intentionally and today Kati shares a bit about their journey.

Matthew and I adopted Josiah when he was a 5-day-old embryo in August of 2023. He was placed in the care of a medical facility anonymously, which means that his genetic parents did not want to disclose identifying information or have a relationship with his adoptive parents. Many such embryos are placed alongside their genetic siblings, also in frozen, embryonic state. Josiah, however, was on his own. It is not uncommon for singletons like him to be adopted with less frequency than genetic sibling groups. According to the paperwork, he was truly alone.


And yet nothing could be further from the truth. Josiah has always had, and will always have, the best of fathers: Jehovah himself. The Father who says to each of us, “I have called you by name; you are mine”. No amount of genetic assurance or nuclear family members could ever assuage the longing in our hearts to be truly known and loved. Only our Creator can do that. One day, Jesus will call us to our true home in Heaven.

In the meantime, we rejoice daily that God brought each of us together. He united Matthew and me eight years ago. He has also entrusted us, despite all our shortcomings, with three precious kiddos. Josiah’s older siblings Isla (just 6) and Callum (almost 4) tend to him with unrivaled tenderness and zeal. Since the moment he was born, Matthew and I find ourselves saying to each other, “He may have only joined us a few months ago, but it feels like he has always been a part of us.”

Monday, October 14, 2024

Questions to Ask When Hiring An Adoption Consultant

There are a lot of critical decisions to make when it comes to adoption. Domestic or international? What about foster care? Agency or private adoption? Go it alone or hire a consultant to help guide you on your journey?



But once you decide on domestic infant adoption and that you want a consultant to walk with you, how do you decide which consultant group to work with? With several consultant firms to choose from, how do you know which one is the best fit for your family? 

I've compiled a list of questions to ask when you interview potential consultants. Use this list to get the most information, educate yourself on the specific services available, and how things work with each consulting firm.


Services
  • How long is your contract? Is it good through match or successful placement? 
  • Do you offer profile creation or review services? Do you have stats showing how helpful your profile services are? Do you offer online profile and video services?
  • What kind of ongoing support and communication is available throughout the length of our contract? 
  • What are your stats: number of successful adoptions, percentage of failed adoptions, average wait times, etc.?
  • Do you offer any adoption training or courses that provide training certificates?
  • Do you offer assistance with agency applications and adoption financing?

Consultants and Staff
  • What kind of training do your consultants go through to provide adoption services?
  • What professional experience and education does your staff have? So you have any licensed social workers on your team?
  • Do you have birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents on your team?
  • What controls and oversight do you have to ensure quality of care and ethics?

Recommended Agencies and Attorneys
  • What are your standards for the agencies and attorneys you recommend?
  • What kind of services do the agencies and attorneys offer for expectant and birth families?
  • What kind of vetting does an agency/attorney go through to be a part of your recommended agency list?
  • Do we have access to the agency information (name, address, contact info, and application information) and can we reach out directly with questions?
  • Does your company receive any “kickbacks” or financial gains or have any financial ties to any adoption agencies or attorneys you recommend?

Situations
  • Are there requirements to saying yes or no to presenting?
  • How much time do we have to decide if we want to present?
  • Will we know when we see a situation what agency or attorney it's from?
  • Do we know when we are being presented? How can we be sure?
  • Do we need to pay a fee to present to situations?
  • How much information are we given to review for each situation? Is there a fee schedule included? Do we have access to social/medical history, information on the birth father, prenatal records, etc.?

A few other things to consider:
  • It should be easy to get a hold of a consultant. Communication is key when you're adopting and being able to easily reach someone in a timely manner matters!
  • In the same vein, you should feel like they are happy to answer your questions and knowledgeable about the entire adoption process. Ask about their professional and personal experience in adoption.
  • Don't hesitate to ask for references and search for online reviews of other adoptive families who have used their services.

Ultimately, you want to feel confident and comfortable with the consultant and consultant group you choose. They will be walking with you during your adoption journey to guide you, advocate for you, and educate you. But they will also be there to be a listening ear, possibly a shoulder to cry on, and to pray with you as you work to add a baby to your family. Finding someone you trust will be invaluable.


If you want to find out more about Christian Adoption Consultants and our consulting services, feel free to email me for a info packet. I'll be happy to answer these (and any) questions you have! 




Wednesday, October 4, 2023

Adoption Story: Michael and Becca

One of my favorite things is asking families to tell their stories. This space is full of adoption stories and often, hopeful adoptive families will pore over each one, wondering how their own story will be written. Or looking for encouragement on their own journey which turned out longer than they anticipated. When I asked Becca to share the story of their son, she didn't hesitate. She knows good stories are meant to be shared...and celebrated.


I am so excited to have a story to share on Susan’s adoption blog! I read her blog late at night when I found out we’d yet again not even been presented to a birth mother. I loved how every adoption story came together so differently. God is creative, unchanging, and reliable all at the same time.  Adoption was laid on my heart in my early twenties as I attended a church with a huge heart for adoption. The youth pastor and his wife had adopted from foster care and advocated heavily for little ones in similar situations, working hard to educate people on ways to get involved. When our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage I brought up the topic to my husband and he was fully on board. We started adoption classes in 2015, but quickly learned our life was not at all at a place where we were proper adoptive candidates. Several years later, we were settled into a house and raising two little ones. My husband and I were pretty set on adoption through the foster care system but kept hitting walls, sort of like a "square peg, round hole" situation. I had a local family friend who adopted domestically with the help of Christian Adoption Consultants and over time we realized that’s the direction God was steering us toward. 


As 2022 began, we ramped up our efforts towards becoming home study ready and officially signed on with a handful of agencies. We chose three to four that we connected with on paper and felt peace about partnering with, but there was one agency that really stood out to me. We asked to be considered for probably twenty-plus situations before the agency we felt most drawn to called out of nowhere in October with a match! We happened to be on vacation and began driving to meet this sweet birth mama and baby. Things unexpectedly took a turn and twelve hours later, we heard she had decided to parent. Although I was genuinely happy for her and her baby, we were far from home and I felt so confused. It was then that Susan was able to provide some answers and address my doubts and concerns. The  conversations we had in the next week kept me at peace with our hope to adopt and thankfully we stayed the course. 

Just twenty days after our rapid heartache, the same agency called again with a match: a little baby who had been chosen for our family. And just a few hours after that, we were boarding a plane to cross the country. I was more than a little anxious and prayed the entire flight. We left the airport and got into our rental car to head to the town where this sweet baby was waiting. My whole family fell asleep in the car. It was a lovely ride with gorgeous scenery and lots of heaven-sent peace. I was still so nervous but the peace reigned. This is a drive I often look back on with such a happy heart. I didn’t know then what was ahead, but now I know it unfolded so beautifully.

We ran into some obstacles once we got to the hospital. Before we could meet the baby, official papers had to be signed and reviewed. It was three days before we met our son and I felt like I was about to bust the doors down - it couldn't come soon enough! We finally met him and settled into an Airbnb as a family of SIX! We loved where we were staying, appreciated every moment, and just hours later we received the call from ICPC we could travel home. We were shocked it was so quick! It was close to Thanksgiving and we were so grateful to be able to celebrate at home.

I look back on the days before we received "the" call, the hours of achingly waiting to see what would happen, and the early days of meeting our son with awe. Honestly, God blew us away. There were times during our journey, especially after we were foster licensed but felt zero peace, when I was so confused about this calling we felt. I was always on board to adopt but thought maybe I wasn’t cut out for it all. I am so, so grateful, for our journey, thankful we stayed the course. and absolutely adore the baby God brought into our family. 

God was always there and always leading. 

Thursday, September 21, 2023

Adoption Story: Adam and Lindsay

Adam and Lindsay's adoption story is one of patience, perseverance, and incredible faith. They walked through so much to ultimately bring their son home, at the most unexpected time and in the most unexpected way. I love the way Lindsay describes adoption, as grief and joy intertwined. Read more of their story as Lindsay shares the grief of the long journey and the joy of a son growing their family.

We had always talked about adoption and knew adoption would be part of our story, but we weren't sure when or how. After growing our family initially with two biological children (and a lot of trauma), we felt like adoption was the path that God was pointing us toward to complete our family. Lindsay's cousins had used Christian Adoption Consultants for their adoption a few years back and highly recommended them, so in November 2021 we had a call with Susan and decided to officially move forward.

The beginning was a flurry of activity - the home study, profile book, and loads of paperwork and applications. After that, we waited. We presented. And waited and presented some more. Finally, in May of 2023, we were matched with an expectant mom who was due to have a baby boy in just a few days! Ultimately, she decided to parent. While we were devastated, we also rejoiced that a family got to stay together (Isn't that adoption in a nutshell? Grief and joy intertwined). We continued to wait, and matched again in early July, this time with an already-born baby boy. Unfortunately, while we were at the airport, we got a call from the agency saying it was not going to happen. This was our lowest point - we weren't sure we could recover from a second failed match and questioned whether we misunderstood and if this was really the path for us.

We share this part of our story not to give other hopeful adoptive families doubts, but to give them hope. Because those challenges ultimately led us to our son! One week later, we got another call that we were chosen by a birth mom with a 7-month-old baby boy. We were guarding our hearts heavily, but made the journey to Utah to meet them. It was love at first sight and papers were signed the next day. It was such a whirlwind, but in the absolute best way.


Our son is the sweetest, happiest, most snuggly (and chunky!) baby in the world. We have bonded with each other in such an amazing way and we love him fiercely. We also love his birth mother and are forever grateful to her. Everything we've been through in growing our family has 100% been worth it - we couldn't love him more.

When we set out on this journey, we didn't picture a long wait; we didn't picture failed matches; and we didn't picture bringing home a baby who wasn't a newborn. But God had other plans, and we thank Him every day that he brought our son into our lives. We truly cannot imagine life without him - we were meant for each other.


The guidance, resources, and prayers from Susan and the CAC team were invaluable during our adoption journey. I don't know how we would have done it without them. 

Monday, June 12, 2023

Adoption Story: Kyle and Jamie

Beautiful stories aren't often beautiful in the midst of them. They can be messy and hard and long. I love Kyle and Jamie's adoption story. But the middle of their story was full of waiting, unknowns, and a lot of "not yets" from God. Today Jamie shares their wait, their son, and God's answered prayers.

We started the adoption process in September of 2021. We became active on the waitlists in January of 2022. While we had hoped to match within the year, God had other plans. We waited for what felt like forever. After a while, the initial excitement and buzz began to wear off and we started disliking when people would ask for updates because we just didn't have any. We came to the point where we weren't sure if it was really going to happen for us. Adoption seemed like a far-off, unattainable dream. 

At the beginning of May 2023, I had just posted on Facebook that we had no updates and things were just moving slowly. The very next day, we got the situation about our son's birth mother. One week later, we matched with her and just six days after that, he was born. It was an insane whirlwind to end a very long, slow process. And looking back, a year and nine months isn't that long of a wait; it's just hard to remember that when you're in the middle of it and you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

As we reflected on our adoption process and God's providence through it all, we discovered something interesting. We counted back to nine months before he was born, and that period in our lives was actually a very difficult one for us. But all the while, he was growing in his birth mother's belly. There are so many things that God orchestrated behind the scenes without our knowledge. When we thought things weren't moving along, our son was there, growing strong. When we thought all hope was lost, we got the call the next day. 

It still hardly seems real, but what a testament of God's mighty hand working all things out even when we can't see it. 

Monday, May 8, 2023

Adoption Story: Josh and Alexys

Joshua and Alexys have an incredible story of God sovereignly putting their family together. After an unexpected cancer diagnosis to unforeseen barriers in starting their adoption journey, and then a long wait, they eventually found their son. Theirs is a story of waiting on God's perfect timing: which can sometimes feel unending and agonizing. But also a story of God's unwavering, steadfast faithfulness. 


It took me several days to try and think of what to include in telling our adoption story as I’m sure that if I included everything, I’d be writing a book. In light of trying to keep it shorter, I decided to tell of the major ways God moved for us and our son because, after all, all of the glory from our adoption story is His. 


Our adoption journey started out a little differently than most but in other ways the same as many stories we’ve heard. We knew we wanted a family someday and adoption had been part of that conversation ever since we were teenagers. Our original plan was to have a biological child or two and then adopt last because we knew how expensive it could be. We figured when we were ready for our last child, we’d be older and be more financially able to afford an adoption. My health took a very unexpected turn and I ended up having thyroid cancer. We were told to wait a year before trying for a family to make sure that every little ounce of radiation had left my body. We decided we’d wait the year and then talk about starting our family at that time if we were ready by then. Two months after my “all clear” scan, God met us in an unexpected place: as we were painting our kitchen and dining room. I had asked Josh if adoption had been on his heart and mind lately, and through that conversation we knew without a doubt that the Holy Spirit was prompting our souls, asking us to adopt first, not last, as we had intended. I remember ending that conversation with Josh by saying, “Are we, like, actually doing this? Like DOING, doing this?” To which he replied, “I think so?!” 


It felt like forever for us to get started and we had been turned down by the very first agency we applied to because they wanted me to wait to be three years cancer free. We knew God wanted us to do this immediately but we also know that His “start immediately” could’ve meant something different than our “start immediately.” We were VERY discouraged to hear “no” but we knew God wanted us to do this.  We sought out other agencies in our local area and they all required us to be older which would have made us wait another 3-5 years to even begin. At this point, we were lost, frustrated, confused, and a little angry at God. Why did He prompt us so strongly, only then to not make a way for us to actually go through with it? We found out about Christian Adoption Consultants and were eventually connected to Susan! We felt such peace adopting with the help of CAC. Adopting locally just wasn’t going to be part of our story and the only reason we even began looking locally was because we knew it was cheaper and that we’d be able to go home and not have to wait for ICPC.  What we thought was the smarter move was actually quite the opposite considering our son was born thousands of miles from our home! God knew what state we needed to adopt through and ours just wasn’t it. 


We ended up signing on with several different agencies in several different states. We were ecstatic to receive our first case but quickly became numb to hearing all of the “no’s.” We presented to many different types of cases: boys, girls, twins, and even a 5-year-old boy and his 2-month-old sister. We were told “not yet” a total of 62 times. We knew that every “not yet” got us one step closer to our “yes,” but that didn’t take the pain away from not having a child in our arms when we were so ready for one. We were open and ready for whatever child God would have for us, and finally, after 2 years and 5 months, our lives were forever changed. 


We were going about our normal Friday night and had begun heating up leftover tacos for a late dinner. I heard my phone start to ring and saw it was an unknown number from one of the states we were waiting in. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing when you see that sort of number on your caller ID, you just answer it! My belly felt full of butterflies and I started to shake with anticipation as the caller said the expectant mom we had presented to about a week ago had picked us. Time stood still, tears welled up in my eyes and I popped around the corner saying, “Josh! We’ve been matched!” to which he had about the same reaction as I did. We hadn’t felt immediately drawn to the case when we read it. We had asked if there were any red flags and after hearing “no,” we took that same leap of faith that we had taken 62 other times and said, “God, if this is the baby meant to be in our family, then let it be so, and if it’s not, shut the door”.... AND finally, the door remained WIDE open. We had three months until his due date and a lot of fundraising to finish doing to make this adoption happen. 


Upon being matched, we needed an additional $16,000 in under 48 hours and God showed up in a miraculous way. He provided it through many generous givers and through one woman in particular who gave us a check for almost $12,000. She said she had always wanted to give extravagantly, she felt confirmation from God to give to us, and she loved supporting what we were trying to do. We had only spoken to this woman twice before; she hardly knew us! We continued to fundraise for the remaining amount but felt God telling us to stop. To us, doing nothing felt wrong and counterintuitive. We had another $17,000 that we’d owe in just two and a half short months so we thought, “Why on Earth would we just sit still?!” We remembered back to the very beginning of our journey and felt that the Holy Spirit was inviting us to trust Him. To trust Him when we wouldn’t end up adopting locally, to trust Him with every. single. “no,” and to trust Him with the timing and to trust Him with the finances. Affording an adoption was our biggest fear back when He called us to do this and He was asking us to trust. He came through and provided fully for the first portion so why would He not come through with the second portion? We fought off fear and lies from the Enemy every day and finally let go. We didn’t fundraise anymore and many people questioned our decision. Even we questioned it some days! It seemed silly but we had to not lean on our own understanding and let God do the work He set out to do. He asked us to adopt, but He didn’t ask us to figure everything else out on our own!


We were out celebrating my birthday on a Sunday after church and we had about two weeks left until the little man's due date. I received a call from our case manager reporting he had been born the previous day, but because of a whirlwind of circumstances, she waited until then to let us know. We packed that night and flew out the next morning. We had shared our story on our social media pages prompting people to give if they felt led and that’s the extent of our “fundraising.” We got done signing and were finally led back to his bassinet. Time stood still and we were in awe as we studied every detail of his face, learned what his cry sounded like, did some skin-to-skin, and just stared at him for hours. I could write a whole other book about how beautiful he was, the joy of knowing that THIS was the face we had dreamed and prayed about, and the eventual relief we’d feel when his birth parents would sign their consents after waiting an extra day to sleep on their decision. I find myself wanting to go on and on about Asher, how perfect he was and still is, and his tremendous strength as he worked through what he needed to in the NICU to be discharged after 16 days instead of the months it normally takes other babies, but I want to make sure my words and your attention remain on the one who orchestrated this entire story: God, our Father. 



God went on and provided every single cent we needed for the remaining payment of $17,000 while we snuggled our sweet baby in the hospital, in addition to the additional funds for a rental car and hotel stay for three weeks while we remained out there waiting for him to be discharged and for ICPC to clear, the last minute flights to and from, and attorney fees.


In the midst of waiting, we definitely wanted to be matched sooner, we wanted all of the money to be there so we didn’t need to stress, we wanted the pain to go away, and so many more things; but, my encouragement to you would be to stop, and trust. Let go and let God…



If we had adopted in our timing, we would’ve missed our son by years. If we had adopted locally, we would’ve missed our son by thousands of miles. If we had fundraised how we wanted to and the way friends did their adoption fundraisers, we wouldn’t have come anywhere close to raising enough money and would’ve had to take out a loan. God’s hand was in our story from start to finish, even during the waiting times when we didn’t think anything was going on. He had a plan, He had a story, and He had the perfect way to bring Asher into our family. His story is much greater than something we could’ve written and we can’t wait to tell Asher one day how much he is loved, valued, cared for, and fought for by not only us but by his Heavenly Father who led us straight to him. 

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

CAC's New Embryo Adoption Program

I'm thrilled to announce CAC is offering a brand new service. In addition to our Domestic Infant Adoption Program, we are now walking with couples adopting embryos.


Did you know there are more than one million embryos currently in frozen storage in the U.S. alone 

In response to these babies needing homes, Christian Adoption Consultants has launched an Embryo Adoption Program as a life-affirming solution.


What is Embryo Adoption?

Embryo adoption is the term most often used when describing the legal process of adopting donated embryos that have been frozen during in vitro fertilization (IVF). Embryo adoption allows the adoptive parents to carry their baby through pregnancy and give birth to their adopted child. (If you have embryos in storage and would like to know more, visit CAC’s Embryo Donation Program page.)


Why are adoptive families needed?

For over 50 years, in vitro fertilization (IVF) and other assisted reproduction technologies have helped build many families. However, the success of these programs has created a surplus of frozen embryos. When a couple goes through the IVF process, there are often remaining embryos. Those embryos are stored for future use, destroyed, donated to science, or can be donated to an adoptive family. 


How can working with an Adoption Consultant help?

Our Embryo Adoption Consulting Program offers all-inclusive consulting and adoption support services. Your personal CAC Adoption Consultant will advise you through your adoption journey from start to finish: including finding a reputable home study agency and prepping for the process, creating a unique and creative profile and donor letter, selecting an embryo adoption program and clinic, information to finance your adoption, and advising you through the donor match and openness agreements. We can advise you through the process of adoption and serve as your “adoption coach,” saving you time and money.

Why choose Christian Adoption Consultants?

As one of the oldest, largest, and most experienced consulting teams, Christian Adoption Consultants can offer a lot of added benefits. We've helped with over 3,700 adoptions and have a support team of 20+ adoption professionals. We place a high value on all voices of the adoption constellation and our staff includes birth mothers, adoptive parents, and adoptees. CAC is founded on Christian principles and standards, and we believe in ethical adoption practices and the highest level of care for all parties in the adoption triad.

Want to learn more?

I would love to help! Feel free to email me at susan@christianadoptionconsultants.com and I'll get you more details to see if our Embryo Adoption Program is a good fit for you! 

(And as always, if you're interested in how I can help with Domestic Infant Adoption, I'm happy to send you information on that as well. Just let me know which program you're interested in learning more about!)

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