Jessica and I were married in 2014. One of the things we did early on in our marriage was dream about our family, even down to the names of the twins we dreamed of having. Part of our dream was growing our family through adoption. We had talked about this while we were dating and knew it would always be part of our lives. We started trying to conceive, and after 4 years of trying, we received the diagnosis that so many others are given - "Unexplained Infertility." We had always discussed if we should adopt or try to have kids first, but the diagnosis seemed to answer this question for us. As we began talking with Susan in June of 2020, she was able to answer our questions and helped us begin moving forward with the adoption process.
Fast forward to August, we were completely ready and received our first situation. She was a beautiful little girl that was already born and just needed parents to care for her. We saw her and thought we knew she was ours, so we presented to the birth family for the first time. The period of waiting after you present always seems like time moves drastically slower. The days seem like weeks, and the weeks seem like years. Until you finally get your answer on if you were matched. For us, this little girl was a no. We were devastated.
Susan always told us that if you present to an expectant family, you have to be all in, but you also have to protect your heart. You have to be willing to take that baby in at a moment’s notice - to love the child as your own. To advocate for them, protect them, and ensure that they have everything that they need. But for us, we seemed to miss the part about protecting your heart. The no received from this little girl seemed to hurt so much more than we anticipated. Our community mourned with us, and encouraged us to continue forward.
Our community was our saving grace time and time again throughout the adoption process. While we did not share everything with them about the birth family and adoptive child, they never stopped praying for the families that we were presenting to, and neither did we. Jessica and I started a list of all of the birth mom’s names and prayed for them, their babies, and whoever the adoptive family would be, regardless if that was us or someone else. We prayed for their safety, their health, and that they would be surrounded with people who are loving and supportive and can speak truth to them in a time of so many unknowns.
As our journey continued, it seemed we were presenting to a new family every two to three weeks. We received no after no. The "not yets" never seem to get easier, but we knew our child was out there, and we would be matched with the perfect child for us.
In April of 2021, we received an email from an agency letting us know there was a child they would like us to consider adopting, and if we said yes, then we would be matched. It almost seemed too good to be true. But it was, in-fact, very true. We were notified that the mother was being induced 24-hours after we were matched. Essentially, our case worker just told us to get there, so we drove 15 hours and over 1,000 miles.
When Jessica and I were dreaming of the twins back in 2014, one of the names we selected would be given to our son--Malachi, meaning “messenger of God.” We shared the name with our case worker, and offered to let her share it with the mom if it was appropriate. Shortly after, as we were walking through a store gathering items that we forgot to pack in our last minute scramble across the country, we learned that the expectant mother’s oldest son was also named Malachi. I immediately started bawling in the middle of the store, and I’m sure that everyone around me thought I was a crazy person as I walked around the store with tears rolling down my face. My son - Malachi. He was being knit together so much earlier than either Jessica or I could have ever realized until that moment.
Malachi was born the next morning at 2lbs 8oz, five days after we were matched. He was intubated and immediately taken into the NICU. We received periodic updates from our case worker, but we were not allowed to meet him until his birth mother was discharged from the hospital. It was three days, but it was the longest three days of our lives, waiting to be able to hold this tiny child - our child- in our arms for the first time. And when we did, it was magical. No words could describe how it felt to hold my son for the very first time; all two-and-a-half pounds of him with more tubes and wires on him than I thought were possible.
We spent the next two months living over one-thousand miles away from home. We saw Malachi every day and held him, sang to him, and read him books. Anything we could to help him know that we were there, he is loved, and he belongs. The medical team that supported Malachi was nothing but miraculous. He is now four months old, almost 11 pounds, and seems to have opinions about everything. He’s a fighter and he lets everyone around him know that’s who he is. He was discharged from the NICU just before his gestational birthdate healthy, happy, and so ready to go meet all of the people who loved him before they knew him, and who never stopped praying for him.
I won’t pretend to be anything sort of an adoption expert (that’s what CAC is here for), but if there is one piece of advice that I can offer you, regardless of where you are in your adoption process, is to never stop praying. Prayer changes things. I watched Malachi grow day after day and experienced tiny miracles and large unexplained miracles right before my eyes. Lean in and pray for the birth family. Pray for the child. Pray for the medical team and social workers who will help you in the hospital. Pray for your spouse. Things can be stressful and hard, but prayer keeps you connected to God.
May you find grace and peace on the journey to adoption and know that God is always for you.
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