Adoption Story: Shawn and Chysanthi

Shawn and Chrysanthi had a long wait to become parents. And a hard road. But the challenges they faced only strengthened their marriage, their faith, and their commitment to growing their family through adoption.

When Shawn and Chrysanthi started with Christian Adoption Consultants, they could never have anticipated the twists and turns their story would take. For months, their story was filled with waiting, and heartbreak, and then even more waiting. 

Like so many couples before them, they started to wonder if adoption was for them. If they could take much more heartbreak, and if they had the ability to continue on the journey. And, like so many couple before them, they discovered that the hope they had for their family was stronger than the disappointment they had weathered. 

It seems only fitting that their sweet daughter was born the week of Mother's Day. This year, for the first time, Mother's Day held celebration rather than mourning. More sweet than bitter. More joy than loss.

For Shawn and Chrysanthi, this year, they were parents. Chysanthi was welcomed into motherhood through the miracle of adoption. The courage and bravery of a birth mother. And the fulfillment of her hopes and dreams to become a mama.

Adoption Stress and Your Marriage

There's no doubt the adoption process can add stress to a marriage. The high emotions, the hard work, and the wait of the adoption process can easily take a toll on your relationship.

So how do you nurture your relationship with your spouse while on the adoption journey? 

Do things outside of adoption 

Admit it. Much of your time has been spent focusing entirely on prepping for the baby. You've spent hours filling out paperwork and meeting with a social worker. You've registered for baby items, painted the nursery, and put together the crib. You've talked through birth parents and openness and discipline strategies. But there's a need to put everything adoption aside and enjoy things that bring you joy outside of your plans to add to your family.

Extend grace to each other

Adoption is hard; it can be emotionally and spiritually exhausting. When you're drained it's easy to be short with each other. Not to mention that most couples experience different emotions at different times. Fear, anxiety, and stress can hit us differently. Extending grace and kindness during these times will be critical to your home during this time.

Take care of yourself and each other

Self care is critical when you're on the road to adoption. Make sure you're doing what you need to to take care of yourself and pour into your marriage. Take long baths, read a good book, take a long run. As a couple plan date nights, take on a new hobby together, and maybe even take a babymoon before your little one arrives.

Remember what's important

Even when you add a child to your family, you'll have to take care of yourself and your marriage. There's truth in the reality that you won't have anything to give your child if you aren't taking the time to pour into yourself individually and as a couple. And there's tremendous peace in finding contentment right where you're at. Completing the paperwork, waiting on a match, sleepless nights with a newborn, and on and on life goes. No doubt adoption isn't the first struggle you've faced in your marriage and likely won't be the last. Learning how to do hard things together, side by side, will not only get you through the adoption process, but life.

Truth to Cling to in the Wait

No doubt one of the hardest parts of the adoption journey is the wait. Once the paperwork is all filled out, your profile is created, and the nursery is decorated, the stillness of the wait can be agonizing.

Maybe you're not in the wait of adoption. Maybe you're waiting for a spouse, or healing in a broken relationship, or a biological child, or a career break, or a new adventure. Life is made up of waiting, in some sense, all the time.

In the wait, in the dark when the end isn't in sight and the end of the story isn't written, where do you turn? When despair and doubt can easily creep into our hearts, we need to be reminded of the truth more than ever.

I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. 

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Here's some of the verses I run to in seasons of waiting...

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises

    and faithful in all he does.

The Lord upholds all who fall.

Psalm 145:13b-14

Wait for the Lord;

    be strong and take heart

    and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

Truly my soul finds rest in God;

    my salvation comes from him.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

    he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

    my hope comes from him.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, you people;

    pour out your hearts to him,

    for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:1-2, 5-8

Since ancient times no one has heard,

    no ear has perceived,

no eye has seen any God besides you,

    who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

Isaiah 64:4

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Let these words sink deep down, all the way to your bones. Write them on sticky notes and throw them on your bathroom mirror, the kitchen sink, and the steering wheel. In the end, we can't trust that the baby (or the healing, or the relationship, or the happy ending) will come. In the waiting, the whole time our trust can't be in the end result. We don't know the end of the story. We simply can't trust in things turning out the way we planned. 

But we can trust in a good God who is faithful. In a God who is kind. In a God who is never slow in keeping his promises. And in a God who writes much better stories that we could even dream up.

This is the truth we can cling to while we wait for the rest of the story to be written.

Why CAC Might Be the Perfect Fit

Last month, Christian Adoption Consultants had 33 families grow through adoptions. 20 of our families were matched with a brave and courageous expectant mother and 13 babies were born into their adoptive families. That's over a baby a day!

Over the last nine years, hundreds of families have chosen Christian Adoption Consultants to help them on their journey to adopt. Our passionate and Christ-centered approach offers support and guidance to adoptive couples.  Here's what Amanda said about why they chose CAC:

What am I not thankful for? We initially chose to work with CAC because the average wait time for bringing home a baby seemed much shorter (and I'm not a very patient person). However, we quickly learned that working with CAC was like constantly having someone 'in our corner' fighting and advocating for us. Adoption is a complex journey to navigate by yourself and we always felt as though CAC was our GPS guiding us turn-by-turn. [Susan] walked with us and prayed with us through the difficult conversations and decisions and rejoiced and cried with us as we celebrated in welcoming our daughter home. We cannot speak highly enough of the integrity and beauty of what CAC offers.

Amanda with her husband, Jarrod with their daughter they adopted with the help of CAC

Christian Adoption Consultants wants to help your family adopt by offering a $100 discount. Any new families who sign up between May 13-15th will receive $100 off of our full service consulting packages. (This discount does not apply to our self serve consulting package, returning families, or special needs consulting packages).

Want more info on Christian Adoption Consultants?  Click here.

What does it mean to hire an adoption consultant?  Click here.
Want to get started or get an info packet?  Click here.
What if you have more questions?  Click here.

Have friends who are thinking about adoption? Make sure you share this post! 

Email me at susan@christianadoptionconsultants.com for an application and information packet.

In Their Own Words: Mother's Day

Growing up, Mother's Day always meant the mothers standing proudly in church getting a carnation, packed restaurants, and homemade cards. It honestly never occurred to me that Mother's Day could be a day of mourning for some rather than a celebration. Now as an adult I know better. This year, I have dear friends who will be grieving this year over the loss of a mother, the loss of a child, and the heartbreak of infertility. I'm thankful I haven't sat in a church that doesn't acknowledge the complexity that Mother's Day brings. Our pastor often says that every celebration this side of Heaven will be bittersweet in a broken wold. This couldn't be more true this Sunday.

But where does adoption fit into all of this? What about those mothers in the process of adoption, proudly calling themselves "paper pregnant?" What does Mother's Day look like for those on the long road to adoption? Amy is a prospective adoptive mother this year for Mother's Day, in the midst of paperwork and appointments and trainings for their adoption. Here's her thoughts this weekend...

"The loveliest masterpiece of the heart of God is the love of a mother"

Each year we get to dedicate a whole day to all of those beautiful mothers in our lives. Maybe, its your own mother, grandmother, birth mother, adoptive mother or step mother...

Whatever the case we know that these women hold some of the most precious places in our hearts. 

We also know that those mama's hold getting to be a mother in the most precious places in their hearts too. 

Maybe, this year you added a bundle of joy to your family.

Maybe, this year is the first year you have gotten to celebrate mother's day as a mama. 

Maybe, this year is the you found out you were going to be a mama for the first time. 

Each year, I know someone who fits into each of these stories. But, I also know women who fit into another type of story...

Maybe, this year you lost a child. 

Maybe, this year you had hoped that this was the year you would have a little one creating a craft out of dried up noodles and globs of paint all filled with love for you. 

Maybe, this year you spent hours filling out adoption paperwork and finishing parenting trainings. 

Maybe, this year you spent the last of your savings on your last round of fertility treatments.

And, each year those of us who aren't yet mothers have to take a deep breath and say...

"Maybe next year..."

This mothers day. Here's to you mama's who don't get to be celebrated as a mama yet. 

Here is to the woman who's hearts desire to be a mother so badly the pain keeps you up at night. 

Here is to the woman who dies a little inside when she sees "Happy Mothers Day" posts all over Facebook for what seems like everyone but herself. 

Here is to the woman who waits and prays for the day she gets to be a mama. 

Here is to the woman who has been preparing herself for this Mother's Day all week long...so that she can seem like she has it all together when the day finally gets here. 

You are not alone. I'm right there with you.

As my husband and I embark on our second year of trying to conceive a child - and are also working to wrap up a home study for our adoption - this day hits me harder than ever because I have had to face some tough realities and a lot of bumps in the road. 

I know my body still won't give me the chance to carry life inside of me. 

I know I have a long and rocky wait ahead of me before my family is complete.

I know my child is out there somewhere - and I pray that they are being taken care of and loved and I will pray over them from this point on for the rest of their lives. 

I know that each day I have to advocate for my child in all ways. 

I know that my home still needs to be prepared for their arrival (whenever that may be).

And...I also know this...

People may not consider me to a mother in such a traditional sense.

But, let me tell you...

Doesn't a mother pray for her child? 

Doesn't a mother fight for her child in all ways?

Doesn't a mother prepare for the arrival of her baby?

That's right, they do!

I may not be a mother with a baby in her arms. 

But, I am a mother with a baby in her heart. And, I think that is worthy of honoring too. 

So, to all of you mothers who are just like me and have a baby growing in their heart instead of their womb - Happy Mothers Day. You all hold a dear place in my heart too. 

Blessings,

Amy

Follow along with Amy on her adoption journey on her blog, Glimpses of Hope.

Adoption Story: Chris and Christy

Chris and Christy knew they wanted to have children as soon as possible after they were married. As they describe their journey, they said, "but God had a plan that included more time and challenges." Infertility was an unexpected obstacle in their plan to grow their family, but from the beginning they felt God guiding them towards adoption. Instead of the loss and heartbreak of infertility wavering their plans to add a little one, it only reaffirmed the importance of family in their lives. They realized they were eager for their home to be filled with laughter, running feet, and even messy rooms and a biological or adopted child made no difference.

They had heard about Christian Adoption Consultants through a blog of a local news anchor, Shelley (who told her story of their adoption journey). It was especially important that they find someone to walk the journey with them with a strong Christian foundation since their faith is important to them. But when Chris and Christy started with CAC last June, they didn't realize that they would also be gaining an entire adoption community. In Iowa, where they're from, there's actually a huge pocket of families who have been knit together by adoption and Christian Adoption Consultants. And they immediately became a part of the CAC family where families walk with each other; sharing in the ups and downs adoption, cheering each other on, and encouraging each other to keep going.

Several months in, Chris and Christy experienced the joy of matching with a potential situation and the heartbreak soon afterwards when it didn't work out. I watched as Chris and Christy walked with incredible grace and strength as they faced another hurdle to parenting. I saw their fierce love for their family, their bold commitment to what God had called them to, and a faith and confidence in God that was unwavering. 

Then, less than two months later, they were matched. Just before Thanksgiving they were told that they would have a girl in the spring. As they waited with bated breath, they continued their steadfast trust that God would be faithful.

And just a few weeks ago, their precious daughter was born. She joined Chris and Christy, a very proud big sister, and an entire community who had been expecting and waiting for her for a very long time. A beautiful girl who will grow up knowing how dearly she is loved, how constant she is prayed for, and how cherished she is in her forever family.

To read more of their story, you can follow their blog at Adopting Baby Bonfig.

Photo credit: Wild Photography

The End of the Night

Five weeks ago, we had a beautiful night at Whitefield's Daddy Daughter Dance (a masquerade ball this year). Admittedly, one of the things I love the most about putting on the event is planning it with an amazing committee and my best friend, Gretchen.

This picture was taken exactly two hours before we left the dance that night. The entire committee left by caravan and Gretchen and her three girls were just a few minutes ahead of us in their van. It's crazy how a magical night can change into a nightmare in an instant. We arrived just moments after their van was hit by another vehicle that had lost control and was spinning in the middle of the highway. Gretchen had hit the other car that spun wildly into her lane at highway speeds.

When we got to the scene, it honestly looked fatal. The thought flashed through my mind that I might have enough time to say goodbye to Gretchen if I ran fast enough. There was tremendous relief when I saw Gretchen climbing through the driver's window, see me, and scream that she needed help getting her babies out of the van.

The next half hour was a whirlwind of wreckage, rescue crews, and following the ambulance going 80 miles an hour to the nearest hospital all while whispering prayers of peace and protection. Miraculously, God protected their family and there were only minor injuries considering the head on collusion after a night in the hospital.

We've looked back at those moments that could have been life-changing dozens of times. We're astounded at God's sovereignty over it all. The timing of the accident and the ability for Gretchen's husband, our family, and another dear friend to be at the scene moments after it happened to offer help before rescue crews got there. The saving grace and protection for Gretchen and her daughters as well as the other driver. And the ways in the weeks that followed that an entire community came to love and care for their family as they worked to recover and heal.

This was what was left of a chalkboard that was decorated for the dance that was in the crash. A few days later, Gretchen's mom turned the mask into angel's wings and hung it in their home as a reminder of God's goodness and faithfulness.

I'm incredibly thankful for a God who dances with us in our celebrations and protects us in our tragedies, even when they are sometimes moments apart.