Guarding Your Child's Adoption Story

Here’s a question most families DON’T know to ask at the beginning of their adoption journey: 

How do we protect our child’s story?

It’s one that is rarely asked in the beginning because so much of adoption at the front end of things is about the adoptive parents: how should we go about adopting? How do we find an ethical agency? How can we afford adoption?

But a question ALL adoptive families should be asking, even before adopting, is how to protect their future child’s adoption story.

Here’s why: people are naturally curious about adoption, about the process, and about the people involved. And we want friends and family to be on the journey with us: with their support and prayers. But our role as parents is to protect our child’s story from the very beginning. Because really, this is their story, even more than it's ours.

So how do we balance inviting people into the story while also protecting the children involved?

Ultimately, we are careful about sensitive information regarding the child, their birth family, and many of the specifics. We want to protect sensitive information that includes things like why an adoption plan was made, the specifics surrounding their conception, and if there’s a history of any mental health or substance use. There’s a difference between being secretive and protecting privacy.

Two helpful questions to ask before sharing ANY information:

    Is this something I might regret sharing later?

    Does this respect my child’s privacy and the privacy of their birth family?

It’s important to remember that once information is shared, it can never be taken back. And we don’t want others in our child’s life to know more of their story than they do.

So how can you gracefully respond when people ask questions you can’t answer? We could say something like We want him to be the first to hear about his/her adoption story, and so we have chosen not to share personal details of their story with others. Or that's her story, so I want to respect her privacy by not sharing those details. Thanks for understanding.

If you’re currently at the beginning of your adoption journey, it might help to give friends and family a heads up about how you plan to protect these details, so they know why you’re sharing generalizations. This can actually head off a lot of awkward conversations right from the beginning.

Parents have a vital role in their children’s lives to be staunch gatekeepers of their story: to keep it safe and protected until the child decides who they want to share their story with, in their own way and in their own timing.

Because ultimately, it's a child’s story to tell.

Adoption Story: Tyler + Molly

"We are full of hope and are excited for what the future holds. We know God’s timing is perfect and we are leaning into that as hard as we can and doing our best to be patient as we continue through this season of waiting."

That was from an email Tyler and Molly sent me in August. None of us knew then that there was a baby already born who would be their daughter. Just weeks after their declaration of hope and trust in God's goodness, they welcomed a little girl into their home. Today Tyler and Molly share their adoption story.

Through our adoption journey, God has taught us patience, faith, and perseverance, which is no surprise. As any of you who have started down the adoption path have discovered, it is challenging, difficult, and a lot of work! Being on the other side now, though, we can tell you that it is so worth it. It is beyond what we could have even imagined. God's timing is always perfect, even when we cannot see it or feel it in the struggle of the process. About a year into our adoption journey, we thought we were finally reaching a happy conclusion to our story. Ultimately, we ended up going through a sudden and completely surprising failed adoption. We were at one of the lowest points of our lives in the aftermath, wondering what was next: do we even want to continue with this, and would having a child ever become a reality for us? Little did we know, while we were in those dark days, there was a baby being born that would ultimately be coming home with us a couple of months later. Of course, God knew all of this; He was perfectly orchestrating our story and could see to the other side. While we were in the lowest valley, we never lost hope in Him. Now that we have seen the rest of the story and the happy ending for our family, it is amazing to look back and see how God was refining and preparing us. God doesn't plan for bad things, but allows them to happen. He then creates beauty from those trials and hardships we face. We just want to encourage all of you who are in the middle of the storm, feeling trapped, or like there is no end in sight. Keep your faith and eyes on the Lord. Keep loving each other well, praying, and do not give up. Jeremiah 29:11 offered us so much encouragement: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

We also want to send a huge shoutout and thank you to Susan, our consultant at Christian Adoption Consultants. It is hard to put into words how much help Susan and the entire CAC team were for us in this adoption journey. From creating our profile, finding a reliable home study provider, to selecting and getting us on the lists of the various adoption agencies, it was a wonderful experience. There is no doubt, we could not have done it without them. The process has an extremely high workload at times, and our stress level was reduced by a large amount, having Susan and the whole CAC team there to guide us along step by step. The Adoptive Parent Guide was another great resource for us to be able to go look at on our own. When we did reach out to Susan, her communication and response time were so incredible. She was always thoughtful, understanding, very caring, and willing to do anything she could to help us out. If you are considering adoption and looking at going the consulting route (which we highly recommend!) then you cannot do any better than Susan and her entire team at CAC. 

Want to start your own adoption journey and story of hope, contact me here!

Adoption Story: Nate + Erin

I haven't met a hopeful adoptive family yet that assumes the road to adoption will be an easy one. But often, families have a hard time knowing just how their personal story to grow their family will be written. Nate and Erin had no idea what God had for them in the years they pursued adoption, but there's no doubt His plan was good from the start. Read more as Erin shares their incredible story!

Since childhood, we both knew adoption would one day be part of our story. Growing up with adopted relatives gave us a firsthand understanding of the beauty, significance, and lifelong impact of adoption. It opened our hearts early on to the idea that family is built not just by biology, but by love, commitment, and calling. Early in our relationship, we found that we shared this desire, talking often about how adoption would someday be part of how we grew our family. It wasn’t just a passing thought; it was something the Lord had planted deep within both of us.

After welcoming our two wonderful boys and settling into life as a family of four, we began to sense the Lord stirring our hearts again, reminding us of that long-held dream. The desire didn’t fade; it grew stronger. We felt Him gently nudging us, opening the door, and calling us to step out in faith. It wasn’t a decision made lightly, but one covered in prayer, conversation, and trust.

Adoption has always been more than just an option to us—it’s a reflection of the Gospel, of being chosen and deeply loved. We believe in the sacredness of this calling and the honor of being part of a child’s story in this way. So, when the time came, we stepped forward with open hands and hopeful hearts, ready to walk the road God had prepared for us.

We first heard about adoption consultants from a friend and were immediately intrigued. In 2022, we connected with Christian Adoption Consultants and had an introductory call with Susan. From the very beginning, we knew she was the perfect fit for us. Susan made what could have been an overwhelming process feel manageable and filled with hope. She was incredibly knowledgeable, always patient with our questions, and consistently available to offer guidance. Her steady encouragement, thoughtful prayers, and genuine care gave us so much peace and confidence every step of the way. We truly can’t imagine walking this journey without her, and we’re endlessly grateful for the heart, wisdom, and support she poured into our adoption story.

Our adoption journey was long and difficult, marked by years of waiting, failed adoptions, and even a fraud case. At times, we questioned if we should keep going, but each time we cried out, the Lord reminded us to trust Him and His timing. Though it wasn’t easy and we wondered if it would ever happen for us, we held onto faith, believing He was always at work even when we couldn't see it. We clung to the truth that He had called us to this and would bring it to pass. A quote Susan shared with us by Elisabeth Elliot stood out to us along our journey: “Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.” Despite fear and uncertainty, we chose to keep trusting the Lord every step of the way.

When we presented to our now daughter’s birth mom, we felt a deep peace and were sure she was meant to be ours. When she chose us, that peace only grew. But after arriving and waiting to go to the hospital, we were told we wouldn’t be adopting the baby. We were heartbroken and confused, doubting what we had heard from the Lord. The drive home was painful, and we paused our adoption to heal and pray. One of us felt God saying no new situations would come, while the other felt we were close and just needed to trust His timing. Though it seemed conflicting, we chose to move forward and trust God’s direction. Then, just a week after making that decision—and a month after returning home—we got a call: our case worker told us that the birth mom asked if we were still willing to adopt her daughter. We were stunned. What we thought was a closed door, God reopened. We said yes, and days later, we were on a plane to meet her.

Meeting our daughter for the first time was absolutely surreal—an unforgettable moment where time seemed to stand still. We instantly fell in love. She was perfect in every way—tiny, beautiful, and full of life—a little ray of sunshine that lit up our world. Holding her in our arms for the first time brought tears of joy and overwhelming gratitude. In that sacred moment, every hardship, every unanswered question, every year of waiting melted away. It all made sense.

The Lord had been so faithful, gently and purposefully weaving together each part of our story to lead us to her. She is more than we ever dreamed of—full of joy, wonder, and a sweetness that fills our home with light. Watching her grow, hearing her laugh, and simply being near her is one of life’s greatest privileges. We are constantly in awe of the gift she is to us. Our hearts are overflowing with thankfulness to the Lord for choosing us to be her parents. She is a daily reminder of His goodness, His perfect timing, and His ability to turn waiting into beauty. She’s not just the perfect addition to our family—she is a miracle, a blessing, and a treasure beyond words.

Our daughter comes from a strong, brave woman who made one of the most selfless and loving decisions a mother can make. She entrusted us with the incredible gift of raising her daughter, and we are deeply grateful she chose us to be her forever family. Her courage, love, and strength are forever woven into our daughter’s story, and we will always honor that. She will always have a special place in our hearts and in our home—she is part of our family. We cherish her, not only for the choice she made but for the beautiful person she is. Her love gave our daughter life, and her decision gave us the greatest blessing we could ever receive. We are committed to making sure our daughter grows up knowing how deeply she is loved by her birth mom and how her story began with immense bravery and love.

The journey to our daughter was nothing like we expected, but we wouldn’t change a thing. The Lord orchestrated it so beautifully—far beyond what we could have imagined—growing us individually, strengthening our marriage, and deepening our faith as a family. Adoption isn’t easy; it’s filled with unknowns, waiting, and moments of surrender. But through every high and low, we’ve seen how God’s love and grace sustain and shape us. He used this journey to refine our hearts, to teach us trust on a deeper level, and to remind us that His plans are always good—even when they look different from our own.

Adoption has forever changed us. It has expanded our understanding of love, of sacrifice, and of what it means to be family. It’s taught us to hold space for both joy and grief, and to embrace the beauty of redemption woven through brokenness.

God continues to write the story of our lives with care and purpose, and we know that our precious daughter is one of the most beautiful chapters—a gift beyond anything we could have hoped for. She is a living reminder of His faithfulness, and we are honored to be her parents.

I love that Nate and Erin wanted to end their story with verses they clung to during their adoption journey and prayers that they would encourage others.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  -Proverbs 3:5-6

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”   -Philippians 4:4-7

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.  -Proverbs16:1

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.  -Romans 12:12

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  -Isaiah 40:31

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!  -Psalm 27:14

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.  -Psalm 37:4-5