Adoption Story: Brad and Corinne (again!)

Last week I shared the beginning of Brad and Corinne's story of their second adoption with Christian Adoption Consultants. If you missed her account of how God miraculously led them on a journey to parenthood for the second time, make sure to read part one here: In Their Own Words: An Adoptive Mama Shares her Journey to Motherhood.

Today I'm honored to share the second half of the story of sweet Naomi Rae...

Photos by Sohale Photography

As Brad and I took steps towards a second adoption, we had the joy of working again with our beloved social worker, Clair, and adoption consultant, Susan, who both had helped us bring Floyd home. People in this field of work are nothing short of saints, and we honestly have been blessed with the best in the biz. Paperwork for adoption is like an endless goose chase. Time and again, you'll think you finally have everything needed, only to find out you don't. But, by the end of August 2020, we were home study ready, and we were able to see possible expectant mama scenarios as September began. 

 

On Monday, September 14^th, we read through the second scenario we'd been sent. It looked terrific, but the scenario did not say whether the baby was a girl or a boy, and we would not know before being officially matched. I have wanted a daughter for a long time and honestly just had a little girl in my heart.  Of course, had I been able to get pregnant, I would not have been able to choose whether I was having a boy or girl. But one of the weird parts of adoption is having a choice in some of this stuff. While Brad was excited about this second expectant mama scenario and open to either a boy or a girl, I started feeling confused: Am I just running with this idea of a girl because it's what I want? Is Jesus asking us to veer in a different direction? What does He actually want us to do? I called on a few close friends to pray for peace and wisdom for us in this. There didn’t seem to be any urgency in the original scenario that required us to submit our profile in to present ASAP, so we decided to sleep on it and wait. 

 

That Wednesday, I received a text from our trusted consultant, Susan, saying, "Have you all decided if you will be presenting to Mariah? Her caseworker just reached out to me and said they were hoping to present Mariah with a family who was already raising a black child." We had thought we had several more days to make a decision. I remember telling Brad that I felt unsure of what to do. So we prayed, "Lord, we want to do what you want us to do. Would you give us some confirmation, a word, or something from someone we trust as to what we are to do?"  

 

While we were praying, the mauve chair I had ordered for the nursery (mauve obviously a perfect color for the girl-themed nursery I had envisioned) arrived at our front door by delivery. When I sent a quick text to my Bible study group and family to pray for us, I saw I had a voice text waiting for me from one of my dearest friends, Leah. Her message said, "Hey love, I was hesitant to share this with you because I am human and could totally be wrong, but since you asked me to pray Monday for you about the scenario with Mariah, the phrase, "This is Naomi, This is Naomi" keeps playing in my mind. Last night, during Bible study, I heard the phrase again, and my heart started racing. This morning I felt like it would be wrong for me to not share it with you."

 

As I played the text for Brad, we stared at each other, completely shocked. Brad said, "Well, if that wasn't the most direct answer to prayer of all time!" I called my Mom to tell her what had happened. Naturally, she's super protective of me and knows how deeply I desired to have a girl. She said, "Corinne, this is just another opportunity to trust the Lord. He is the one putting your family together. He knows what is in your heart." So with tears running down my face, I looked at Brad and told him that we should present. 

 

Brad and I talked about how there was no worst-case scenario: if this expectant mama were to choose us, it would result in a baby, a sibling for Floyd! At that moment, I realized that, more than specifically wanting a girl, I wanted what Jesus had for our family, which also made me realize how much Jesus had been healing my heart. Looking back, I see that the things He had for me all along. While they may have looked different than what I pictured, all have turned out to be far more abundant than I ever could have dreamed for myself. With fresh hope and gratitude, we sent in our profile and waited. 

 

A week later, we received an email from Mariah's caseworker, saying she really liked our family but would like to have a phone call with us that coming Sunday before deciding. The caseworker told us to come prepared with questions to help the conversation along since Mariah was soft-spoken. Given that Floyd’s birth mama was also very soft-spoken, we thought we knew what to expect. When I called Mariah that Sunday, she didn't pick up initially, rather, calling us back a couple of hours later. I picked up the phone as she said, "WHAT'S UP, YOU GUYS! I am SO excited to be talking with you! I don't even know what to ask you because I am just so excited about all of this!"

Brad and I looked at each other and were like, "Is this the right number?!" Conversation with her was so easy! She said things like, "I've always loved adoption. My mom adopted me when I was little, and I always had everything I needed because she was in my life. I know this is going to be a wonderful experience. I can't wait for you guys to come down – that's when our real relationship can begin!" 

Photo by Megan Schmitz Photography

Part of the adoption process included us making a profile book for expectant moms to look through that introduces our family (kind of like a little magazine about our family and our hopes, dreams, etc.). One of our book's photos was a shot of our feet, all of us wearing Jordans, with a pair of matching baby Jordans next to mine. Mariah said, "Those baby shoes in your book are girls' shoes, aren't they? Are you guys hoping to have a girl? Because I am having a girl!"  

 

Brad had to pick my jaw off the floor! We got off the phone, completely shocked! We had gone into that call hoping to put our best foot forward and ease any uncertainly Mariah might have IF she chose us. Instead, Mariah practically told us she'd already chosen us for her baby and that she was having a girl! A few days later, on September 30^th, we received official confirmation from the agency that we were legally and officially matched with Mariah! I was reminded of the word Beth shared with me a few years earlier, "End of September, you will be pregnant with a baby girl." If this wasn't pregnant with a baby girl for an infertile woman like myself, I'm not sure what was.  

I'm well acquainted with disappointment, and thus have a natural propensity to be wary of God really seeing me or honestly caring about the things in my heart. It turns out –Jesus not only see’s it all, but deeply cares. My desire to have a daughter was placed in my heart by Jesus Himself to lead us to Naomi.  He has been working through every single detail. Ecclesiastes 3:11 keeps coming to mind, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

By the way, we are in our 8^th year of trying to have a baby. Did you know that the number eight in Scripture signifies new beginnings? A new beginning for our family, indeed! A few weeks ago, I told the ladies at my beautiful baby shower that the places in my life that had felt dead and hopeless seem to be blooming with life. It isn't because I have brought life to them; it is because Jesus has breathed on places full of familiar despair and brought His hope and resurrecting life as only He can.

 

All along, God wasn't leading me through painful places to disappoint or hurt me. He was after deeper healing, one I've desperately needed and would never have fathomed possible. As much as Naomi Rae, our Beautiful Understanding, brings healing just by her arrival, she brings with her a beautiful understanding to her Mama of Jesus' unending and abiding love for her (me). God IS a good Father who IS trustworthy and kind. Naomi has given me a broader and clearer lens of who Jesus truly is. Her story has shattered the distorted lenses I've used for years to look at God.  

 

A few weeks ago, Brad and I were talking, and Brad shared that in his quiet time that morning, he heard God speak something specific to him. He has been praying over some specific situations that we knew only God could heal. And yet to our human understanding, some of these circumstances seemed beyond reach; we had been praying over them for years, but they still seemed so broken. In his prayer time, as Brad was praying over these situations, he heard God say, “I am good; I bring beauty from ashes.” As Brad felt the Lord say this, God also brought to mind Floyd’s adoption. Brad shared that he felt God showing him that there are few things that demonstrate his ability to bring beauty from ashes than adoption. The circumstances that a birth mom faces that lead her to place her baby for adoption are often incredibly difficult and many times even impacted by systemic issues well beyond her control. For us as adoptive parents, part of the reason we pursue adoption is because of incredible brokenness and disappointment in our own lives. And yet, the Lord uses all of this brokenness to create such a beautiful story of redemption. Personally, there is nothing we’ve ever done which has brought us greater joy than adopting Floyd. And to think that we get to walk this path again with Naomi is so incredible. 

 

Friends, Jesus is actually for you!  He is Faithful. He never abandons. He brings beauty from ashes. He has actually given me more, just like He said. 

 

"Because of the LORD's great love, we are not consumed,

for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

I said to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him.

The Lord is good to those who hope is in Him."

Lamentations 3:22-23

 

        “Those who sow in tears will reap shouts of joy.”

Psalm 126:5

 

With all our love,

Corinne, Brad, Floyd, & Naomi

In Their Own Words: An Adoptive Mama Shares her Journey to Motherhood

When Brad and Corinne connected with me last summer about adopting again I was thrilled. It was an honor walking with them when they brought their son, Floyd home. You can read more about the amazing way this sweet boy joined their family in these posts: In Their Own Words: An Adoptive Family Chronicles Their Journey and Adoption Story: Brad and Corinne.

This time around was a bit of a whirlwind. They began with Christian Adoption Consultants at the end of July, were home study ready in September, were matched just weeks later, and were holding their daughter just after Thanksgiving. But God had been doing much much more in the years leading up to those few short months...

I'll be sharing Brad and Corinne's story again in two parts. The following is the sweet letter Corinne and Brad wrote to their family and friends, announcing the birth of their sweet daughter and the miraculous ways God worked in their hearts and lives.

Photos by Sohale Photography

It is with great joy that we officially introduce you to our daughter: 

Naomi Rae 

 

Reflecting on the story Jesus has been writing for years to bring us to this moment - it's overwhelming! I am thrilled to be able to share it with you finally. 

 

While we were going through fertility treatments, Brad and I had a specific name in mind for a biological baby. When that door closed and we opened the door of adoption, the name no longer felt right. This past spring, "Naomi" kept coming to mind out of the blue, which was a bit random to me. I mean, it's a beautiful name, but one that had never made it onto our list. As it kept returning to my mind, I began wondering if God was giving me a name for our next child. 

 

One day, I was chatting with my Mom about it when she said, "Corinne, Naomi is a family name! Naomi was Papa Floyd's best friend." I couldn't believe I had missed this connection entirely! Brad and I continued discussing names, landing confidently on Naomi Rae. Turns out, Naomi Rae means "Beautiful Understanding" or "Beautiful Precept," which felt so descriptive of our journey!

 

Back in January 2018, my dear friend from college, Beth, was going through 21 days of prayer and fasting with her church to begin the new year. Without telling me, she dedicated part of her fast specifically praying for a baby for me. She knew that we were once again in a season of begging Jesus to move, begging Him to expand our family somehow. As most of you know, we had been trying since 2012 to get pregnant with no luck. The Lord saw fit to put adoption on our hearts and then blessed us with Floyd in 2015. Since then we’ve always desired for him to grow up with a sibling. 

 

Fast forward seven months later to July 2018: Beth called me from an airport saying, "Corinne, I've hesitated to share this with you because I could be wrong. But in January, during our church fast, I used that time to fast and pray specifically for a baby for you. I felt like the Lord spoke something to me about you, but I have been unsure if I should share it with you, and I now feel like I should. I felt like the Lord said that you would be pregnant with a baby girl at the end of September." I remember getting off the phone with tears of relief streaming down my face as I shared my conversation with Brad. September was only three months away - maybe our time of waiting would soon be over!

 

Less than one month after my conversation with Beth, my body began showing signs of shutting down. No matter how much I tried to believe everything was fine, I was undeniably sick. Our house's previously unknown mold issue rendered me bedridden for ten days, barely able to eat or drink anything, and led our doctor to diagnose me with a lifelong autoimmune disorder, allowing me to be particularly susceptible to the natural toxins given off by mold. Brad and I unexpectedly found ourselves having to quickly leave behind our beloved house, most of our belongings, and our charming neighborhood community of seven years to move into a new, mold-free apartment across town, all in a span of a single weekend. To say that season was traumatic would be an understatement.  

 

By the time September 2018 rolled around, I was in the worst physical shape of my entire life. Not only was I now grieving the loss of our home and beloved community, but also the loss of a seemingly confirmed dream that I'd be pregnant by the end of that month. My body was in no shape to carry a pregnancy, let alone a healthy one. Brad and I had previously chatted about trying fertility treatment that fall, but it was now off the table as we needed to focus solely on my healing. It felt like every time we mustered up enough strength to hope again at the possibility of expanding our family, another door slammed in our face. My heart was beyond weary. Proverbs says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick," and I can't think of a better description of that season. 

As months passed, our time in that tiny apartment proved to be the season of rest and healing that my body and our hearts truly needed. God provided a path for us to sell our beloved home and we moved to our new home in August 2019.  Just that year, Brad’s work began offering fertility treatment as part of their benefits package, which is honestly unheard of.  And thanks to a clean environment and months of intentional rest and care, my body was now healthier than it had been in years!  So in September 2019, we went back to the fertility center. I remember walking into the office, the same office we had gone to for treatment years before, and instead of familiar dread, I felt hope, possibly even joy! If you've ever been in a fertility treatment waiting room, you know how heavy it feels. Every person sitting in that room has the same desire to have a child and all come with broken stories of hope deferred. As I saw myself in those people in that waiting room, it was like Jesus whispered, "Corinne, look how much I have healed your heart in these seven years." And so, with fresh hope, we began fertility treatment again.

 

First round - unsuccessful. Second round - my body began showing signs of another autoimmune shutdown response episode, so we had to cancel. Third round - we had to cancel again because of an unavoidable work trip for Brad. Around this same time, my beloved Papa Floyd's body began failing.  What was supposed to be our fourth attempt at treatment instead became our final moments with him in this life. On my final visit with Papa, the very last thing he said to me, just days before he went to be with Jesus, was, "Toots, where is your baby?  Have you had your baby yet?  Is it a girl or a boy?" I remember walking out of his room and breaking down in tears in the hall. You see, Papa had been praying daily for children for us for seven years. Last fall was saturated in grief. With heavy hearts, in December 2019, we decided to take a break from treatment again.

Photo by Megan Schmitz Photography

At this point, we considered gathering initial papers for a second adoption while pursuing one more round of fertility treatment. Hopefully, at least one door would open, right? However, when it became clear that the round had also failed, we decided to stop treatment. I simply couldn't handle trying another round; my heart was too fragile and utterly exhausted by disappointment. 

 

In my grieving, I remember feeling as though Jesus said to me, "I want to give you more." This honestly felt confusing. I remember coming home from church shortly after our final round had failed and sitting at my piano to try to process it all. Music has always been an important part of my life, but here's the thing – I am no songwriter or some avid piano player, just someone who used to play piano as a little girl. But as I sat at my piano that day, Jesus gave me an entire song: the lyrics, the melody, all of it. Nothing like it had ever happened to me before. This song has proven incredibly cathartic to me over this past year, as if Jesus knew I would need these words ingrained in my heart for the months to come.

 

Here Again

 

You say do not fear

'Cause You're already here

I don't have to worry

 

And You say that You're kind

That I can trust You here again

with my heart and all its pieces

 

Take off your armor

Let Me be your shield

Take off your worry

Let Me be your peace

Take off disappointment

I see you here

Take off despair

Let Me fill you again with joy

My joy

 

I'm not scared of your fears

I have bottled your tears

I promise

Hope won't let you go

I am binding your wounds

I am making you new

I promise

I'm not finished with you

 

I am turning the page

I will show you the way

Trust Me, Trust Me here again

Time has not been lost

I've counted the cost

Trust Me, Trust Me here again

 

So I found You here

Just like You said I would

Looking back, I see Your story

 

Turns out, You were kind

Trading broken dreams for joy

You've always been faithful to me

Fast forward to March 2020. Brad and I went to Disney World with Floyd, along with Brad’s parents, a trip we will always treasure. Our final day there was Disney's final day open before COVID shut everything down. As the world closed, and we returned home to quarantine, we began paperwork for a home study for adoption #2. Being stuck at home due to COVID turned out to be perfect for knocking out mountains of paperwork!  

 

Our church has a prayer team who regularly spend time praying and listening to what God could be saying to our congregation. We believe that God from time to time will give a person what we term a “word,” often an actual word, message, or picture, that is meant to be a message for someone else. Of course as humans, we don’t always get these messages exactly right, but in grace we share and receive them and pray that God uses them as he sees fit. In our church, leadership would often share these "words" during service, but due to COVID, they had begun including them in our pastor's weekly email to our congregation. On April 30^th, I just happened to be reading through the prayer team's “words” for that week when I came across this: 

 

"I saw a young girl with curly red hair and freckles and a red dress. I think it is a picture from the childhood of someone that is now a grown woman. Life has been hard and seemingly unfair in so many ways. It's time for great hope and expectation!  The Lord is restoring your joy and innocence and completely washing away all guilt and shame. He calls you His Beloved Daughter and is restoring the years the locust have eaten. He will provide in very tangible and practical ways in your current situation."

 

I read it a few times, trying to convince myself it wasn't for me, but in my heart, I knew it was. Many of the scars I carry are related to wounds that happened when I was a little girl. People often called me Shirley Temple throughout my early childhood because I looked so much like her, and as you may remember, Shirley Temple always wore a red dress. I sent the prayer team's words to my mom and sister. Immediately, they both responded, "Corinne, this is YOU!" Little did any of us know just how incredibly accurate this word would prove itself to be as the year went on. 

 

Next week I'll share the second half of this amazing story with you; the answers to the questions and the prayers and how God had been working this whole time behind the scenes to do something incredible. Be sure to check back for the rest of the story!

In Their Own Words: For This Child I Prayed

I heard this song for the first time over the weekend and knew I wanted to share it. Then I heard the story behind it and knew I wanted to share. Kelly beautifully captures the heart of hopeful parents and wrote a song based on Hannah's prayer in 1 Samuel. I love how it speaks to God's faithfulness for families in the wait.

Infertility.

Multiple miscarriages.

Failed adoption plans. 

We grow up thinking that those words will never be part of our narrative or our friends’ narratives, that we’ll never suffer the agony of longing for a child that still hasn’t come, but all too many sit in the harrowing, ugly, silent pain of that desolate darkness.

Maybe you're one of those precious souls sitting in that darkness.

No tiny onesies to buy, no bonding during late-night feedings, no abundance of baby snuggles — none of the joys of parenting are currently part of your story. Instead, there’s soul-crushing silence.

And while that deafening silence swirls around you like a constant storm that won’t let up, you may be feeling like there’s an even greater silence from God.

No sounds of baby coos or the pitter-patter of little feet running down the hallway; no heartwarming calls for “mama” or “dada”; no “I love you’s” as you breathe in the scent of freshly shampooed hair from the little one who is curled up in your lap before bedtime.

Just. Silence. 

The kind of sorrow that sneaks up on you in the dark as you try to fall asleep. The kind of sorrow that makes its way inside of your chest and quickly builds until it rises to take residence as a lump in your throat… Which eventually gives way to your devastating grief manifesting itself through heavy tears, guttural cries, and convulsive gasps that leave you breathless.

You’ve prayed, begged, and pleaded with God, and yet there’s waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Three months, six months, a year, two years, five years… The longer you wait, the more hopeless you feel, and the wait has induced a type of gut-wrenching sorrow that you never knew existed until now.

As you bring your knees to your chest and hug them tightly, you wonder how this will ever change.

It’s scary to hope. It requires trust. It requires faith – faith that things will get better, even though we don’t know when or how.

As the tears soak your neckline and the grief mercilessly sucks the air out of your lungs, you wonder how much more of this you can endure. “Where is God in all of this? If He’s the Giver of good gifts, why am I drowning in a sea of sorrow? Am I doing something wrong?...”

As you question your circumstances, your life, and maybe even your faith, you wonder if it’s worth it to keep persevering in prayer. You hear people telling you that you need to hold onto hope, but you know all too well now that ‘hope’ is often a four-letter word.

While I’ve never experienced this particular sorrow myself, I’ve witnessed it closely firsthand, and have had the honor of walking beside two of my dearest friends through each step of this arduous journey. After years of waiting, they finally have their beautiful bundle of joy, but the hardship that they endured to get there was heart-rending.

It forces us to break down the walls around our hearts – the ones that we’ve carefully and strategically built in order to protect ourselves from the pain. You know that if you choose hope as you continue to fight this draining infertility battle, you’ll have to continue to face the harsh reality of grief head-on, and that feels like too much to bear.

It’s overwhelming, exhausting, and terrifying, and my heart breaks for you.

After witnessing the immense pain that came from loss after loss; the deep sorrow, anguish, and unimaginable grief; the difficult conversations they had with God and with each other; the words from their hand-written letters to their future little one whom they hoped they would meet someday; the days filled with hope and the days filled with mind-numbing devastation…

The song is called “For This Child I Prayed,” and was also inspired by Hannah’s prayer of gratitude after struggling through years of infertility. After years of waiting, she finally received her precious baby boy, Samuel, and dedicated him to the Lord.

And then finally being able to celebrate the impending arrival of their sweet baby girl, a song was placed on my heart.

It’s a song that chronicles their suffering and loss, their longing and angst, their confusion and hope, their sorrow and faith, their prayers and pleas, and ultimately, their indescribable joy. It’s meant to capture the heartache of the valley, as well as a type of mountaintop joy that can only be born out of the depths of great sorrow.

While a six-minute song could never fully capture the highs and lows of walking through infertility, I hope that this song still resonates in your heart if you’ve been on (or are currently on) that same journey.

After holding her beloved son for the first time, she went to the tabernacle, offered a sacrifice of gratitude to the Lord, and proclaimed, “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him.” (1 Samuel 1:27)

I know so many couples and families who have been affected by infertility, and if you’re one of them, my prayer is that this song will bring much-needed hope. If you’re courageously fighting this battle, I pray that you feel acknowledged, heard, and understood after listening to it.

If you've been trying to start a family, and are still waiting, this song is for you. 

If you’ve been trying to expand your family, and are still waiting, this song is for you. 

If you have gone through this journey, and are now on the other side of it, this song is for you.

If you’ve been trying for a long time, and are in the deepest part of the valley and wonder if your prayers will ever be answered, this song is for you.

If you’ve never gone through this journey, but are hurting for someone you love who IS going through it, this song is for you.

If you’re just starting out on this journey, and are at the beginning stages of fertility treatments or adoption plans, this song is for you.

If you’re nearing the end of this journey, and your answered prayer is going to arrive any day now, this song is for you.

If you’ve suffered a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages, and are grieving the loss of those angels as you bravely keep fighting this battle, this song is for you.

If you feel like no one understands what you’re going through, and it’s hard to describe the depths of your pain, this song is for you.

If you haven’t told anyone about this harrowing journey, and you and your spouse are living with this secret pain, this song is for you.

If your heart is grieving due to adoption plans that suddenly fell apart, this song is for you.

If it’s too hard to go to the baby shower, the birthday party, or the church service, and you can’t bring yourself to even get out of bed on those days, this song is for you.

If you’ve suffered heartache due to unsuccessful IVF treatments, and are grieving the loss of those angels as you bravely keep soldiering on, this song is for you.

If you go to a baby shower, a 1-year-old’s birthday party, or a Mother’s Day or Father’s Day church service with a smile on your face, but sob alone in your car on the way home, this song is for you.

The Lord is on your side, sweet friend. Even if you’re at the point where you can’t stomach the word “hope,” the Lord is still fighting for you.

If you have a mama heart or a daddy heart, and are struggling to cling to hope when it seems as though everyone around you has had their desires fulfilled, and you haven’t… This song is for you.

Hold on, dear one. Miracles are possible. When you allow yourself to grieve while simultaneously clinging to hope, even if your grip is slipping and you’re barely hanging on, the fear will eventually start to crumble and light will break through the cracks.

When you feel alone in your mourning or you feel like giving up, remember that there is One who hears, who understands, who comforts. My dear friend, when you weep, Jesus weeps with you. You can lay your broken dreams, your grief, your pain at His feet.

Keep persevering. Keep praying. Keep trying. You won’t be in this place forever. I don’t know how or when your precious one will arrive, but I do know this – GOD WILL NOT LEAVE YOU HERE.

He can do more than you could ever think to ask or imagine. You are loved. You are treasured. You are held by the Father. While I can’t claim to understand God’s timing and why some couples have to wait longer than others, I do know that there’s purpose in the pain, and that you are not alone.

Give Him your sadness, your anger, your confusion, your tears. He is waiting to embrace you, to mourn with you, to comfort you.

And while I’ve witnessed the depths of despair that infertility brings, I’ve also witnessed the height of the mountaintop joy that can come from that sorrow, and I am praying that soon you will experience that glorious mountaintop.

Even when your grief smothers the words that you desperately want to pray, and you bring nothing but tears before Him, know that those tears are not in vain. Those cries are ushered into heaven as precious prayers and broken hallelujahs, and the Holy Spirit is interceding on your behalf when all you can offer is a collection of teardrops in the palms of your hands.

Not only does Jesus grieve with you, but I do too. While I can’t say that I know the exact pain of infertility, I’ve witnessed it so closely in the lives of many who are precious to me, that I’ve almost felt as though I was going through it too.

Whether you’re praying for finalized adoption plans or a long-awaited pregnancy, there is hope, dear friend. There is always hope. I am hoping with you and for you, along with so many others. May we cling to this hope together, as we anticipate the joy that is to come.

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning… And let us hold unswervingly to the hope that we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” – Psalm 30:5b, Hebrews 10:23

Kelly O’Roark is freelance marketer, song writer, and musician from Louisville, Kentucky, and is a graduate of the State University of New York at Geneseo. She’s been playing the piano since the age of 10, and started writing lyrics and composing music at the age of 17. While she creates music as a hobby, she uses it as a ministry to bring hope, love, and encouragement to others in various seasons of life. 

She also has a passion for creative writing, and hopes to start a blog someday where she can share her faith and life experiences through both music and writing. She enjoys spending time with her family and friends, and is excited about her new, upcoming role as a first-time aunt!

Repost: What To Expect When She's Not Expecting

With Father's Day around the corner, I wanted to share Colin's post again from a man's view of walking through infertility. (Also, stay tuned for an exciting update from their family later on the blog!)

Colin and Kendal are in the midst of their adoption journey and have chosen to share their experience and story at Finding Our Arrows, praying it will also encourage others. Today Colin shares transparently about how their struggle with infertility has impacted him as a husband and how he's learned to support his wife through it as well. I'm thrilled to share a man's perspective of infertility, grief, and hope.

I’m sorry, what? “There is less than a 2% chance you can naturally conceive a child.” No, no, you must be mistaken. This must be some cruel joke; after all, it is April Fool’s Day.  “Less than a 2% chance.” But we followed the plan – we both graduated college, I finished law school and passed the bar…we even recently started building a house! Now it is time to start building our family, too! All of our friends are pregnant – surely this is wrong! But the doctor wasn’t wrong. And on that day, April 1, 2014, our lives were turned upside down. 

For those husbands whose families are struggling with infertility and adoption, trying to cope with the heartache, and searching for what to do next all while attempting to faithfully lead their families through such a trying time. Guys, this post is for you. Trust me, I understand and can empathize with the challenges and struggles you are facing; with the feelings of doubt, anger, and confusion. And because of that, I wanted to share with you a few lessons God has taught me through our journey. I’m no expert, but these are just a few of the thoughts and perspectives I’ve gained from our experience thus far.

My first encouragement is men, if your wife is struggling with infertility, make sure you allow time to grieve. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”  Kendal and I received our infertility diagnosis in April 2014. At the same time, we were in the process of building our first home, so questions of wall color, furniture placement, and landscaping filled our minds. After closing on our home that June, our life settled down a bit. So, during a summer evening walk, and just a few months after receiving our tragic diagnosis, I brought up to Kendal the idea of adoption.  My comments were met with silence.

You see (spoiler alert), men and women think differently. Men are fixers and problem solvers.  In my mind, infertility + wanting a family = adoption.  This logically made sense to me.  But I missed the mourning and grieving part. Kendal wasn’t ready. She was still working and processing what such a diagnosis really meant. And I jumped waaaaaaay ahead of her, unrealistically expecting her to be on the same page as me. So men, take the time to grieve and mourn with your wife. And trust me, we did and still continue to do so, both together and individually. I still struggle with this, but I’m learning to stop, slow down, and just wait for her. We both wanted a family, and obviously both came to the decision of adoption, but take time to mourn and grieve with your spouse. Cry with her, hug her, love her. While adoption may be in your future, and perhaps it is God’s plan for you, it is ok to take the time to be sad. 

Secondly, realize that just because you made a plan, that doesn’t mean God has to fit Himself into it.  Proverbs 16:9 says “A man makes a plan in his heart, but God directs his path.” Kendal and I met while we were in college (Geaux Tigers!) and were engaged in December 2009. I was in law school at the time, so we weren’t “ready” for kids. But once I finished and passed the bar in 2012, we wanted to add to the two of us. We thought we were ready – it was just “time” to have children.  All our friends were pregnant and asking us when we would have children. They spoke as if it were a guaranteed outcome. But it just wasn’t happening for us. God wasn’t fitting Himself into our timeline – into what we thought we wanted and when we wanted it.

For two people who like plans, schedules, and being in control, this is a tough one to learn. God isn’t restricted to what our feeble minds can imagine, but just as He told the prophet Habakkuk, He is “doing a work…that you would not believe if told.” So, just remember, it is ok to not have the answers. Believe me, I know the pain of waiting and wanting a child and feeling so lonely when all your friends are pregnant and something just isn’t right.  But God is in control. The Proverbs writer puts it like this, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” 

Lastly, above all else, and while it may be difficult to see at the moment, these struggles are just light and momentary. I know that sounds like nonsense while you are enduring your trials, but that is how the apostle Paul describes them in 2 Corinthians 4:17 when he writes “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” In other words, Paul, writing with eternity in view, weighs his present trials against future glory and discovers his trials are actually working for him. So when your world seems to fall around you, when you and your wife are devastated by terrible news, remember that these experiences are paled in comparison with what is to come. And that is something to take hope in – your light and momentary struggles are producing something much better for you! And that is eternal rest with our Father in Heaven. 

I hope this post is helpful to you. Believe me, infertility and adoption isn’t just something you “get over” and move on from. But these are just a few of the many lessons I’ve learned which I hope will encourage you during your time of struggle. 

To follow along with Colin and Kendal's story, you can find their blog at Finding Our Arrows.

Repost: Adoption Resources

In an effort create an easy "go-to" list of adoption resources, I've compiled this list of some of my most popular blogs on the topic and thought I would repost it today. Find a topic you're interested in or use it as a guidebook or roadmap to help you navigate your adoption journey!

Getting Started

The Steps to Adoption 

Keys to a Successful Adoption

Who Is Called to Adoption?  

The Cost of Adoption

Viral Adoption Situations (and what the real story is)

Adoption Myths and Assumptions 

Hiring an Adoption Consultant

Why Hire An Adoption Consultant

A New Approach to Adoption

Is Hiring a Consultant Worth It? 

Why I Recommend Hiring a Consultant 

So You Want to Hire An Adoption Consultant 

The Home Study Process 

Your Home Study Survival Guide

Preparing Your Home for an Adoption Home Study

Infertility and Adoption

What I Wish You Knew About Adoption and Infertility {Part 1} 

What I Wish You Knew About Adoption and Infertility {Part 2}  

What I Wish You Knew About Adoption and Infertility {Part 3} 

In Their Own Words: Mother's Day

What to Expect When She's Not Expecting

Waiting in Adoption

What To Do While You Wait

What I Wish We Knew While We Were Waiting

Truth To Cling To in the Wait 

Dear Mamas in Waiting 

What if We Never Get Chosen (Every Adoptive Parents' Fear)

Openness in Adoption

Open Adoption 1.0

5 Myths of Open Adoption

Navigating Openness

Making Promises in Adoption

Silence on the Other Side 

Expectant and Birth Families

For Birth Parents: A Guide for Your Adoption

The Truth About Birth Parents

Dear Adoptive Mom: What Birth Parents Wish You Knew 

The Perfect Adoptive Family {What Birth Parents Are Really Looking For}

Adoptive Mamas Talk Candidly About Birth Parents 

Raising a Child Who Was Adopted

Extending Grace in Adoption 

A Letter to My Real Son 

Other Adoption Resources 

Positive Adoption Language

Creating An Adoption Hospital Plan

Creating Your Family Profile

Your ICPC Survival Guide

Read hundreds of family's adoption stories here! 

Adoption Story: Ben and Amanda

Sometimes songs provide a soundtrack to seasons in our lives. When Ben and Amanda found themselves unexpectedly in a story of heartbreak and infertility, they clung to Jesus and a song from All Sons and Daughters; Wake Up. Within that song, and their faith, they found that God had not abandoned them through it. He was walking with them the entire way...

Testimony. We hear about testimony in church on a weekly basis. God healing cancer, repairing marriages, mending relationships, miracle babies, bringing success to businesses, you name it, God is moving in our lives daily. We hear about these amazing testimonies all the time and my husband and I started to feel lost in the shuffle. We had been trying to start our family for over 5 years. We tried naturally, we tried Clomid, we traveled, we tried IUI, we got a puppy, we tried natural again, we bought a big house, we traveled, we tried IVF, twice, and along the way we conceived and miscarried 4 times. With every positive pregnancy test we thought we would be able to share our incredible testimony but only to quickly realize that again we would miscarry and we had no testimony to share. Was God forgetting us?

WE HAVE SEEN THE PAIN

THAT SHAPED OUR HEARTS

AND IN OUR SHAME

WE'RE STILL BREATHING, 'CAUSE...

We shared our struggle publicly, educating friends and family. We hoped that by sharing our story that it would help others who might be suffering silently to know they are not alone and to help everyone else have a better understanding of this disease. During our journey people would say “why don’t you just adopt?” like it was something as simple as buying a new pair of jeans because the current ones had holes. It felt so hurtful and dismissive – to the infertility community AND adoption community. At the time, we just didn’t feel like that was the way God wanted us to build our family. God was not leading us that direction. It wasn’t time yet.

We traveled the infertility road for five years and decided to take a year or two break after our last IVF and miscarriage. We began to wonder if we were meant to be parents. We started our break in July of 2016 getting back to regular life without injections, meds, special diets, therapy, etc. It was heavenly! We reconnected with friends we hadn’t seen in years and began dating each other again. It was bliss!

Then in December 2016 things started to change in our hearts. My mom learned of a little girl who was urgently in need of a family - her parent were not able to parent - and she needed a forever home. On that call we, for the first time, said yes to learning more about adoption. We wanted this little girl to have a family by Christmas and thought maybe it could be us! But boy 'o boy we were naive. Adoption is not that simple we quickly learned. But instead of shying away I spent days and weeks secretly researching the adoption process. Reading stories that can only be written by God himself for so many families. My heart started to change and I remember getting this overwhelming feeling that we needed to step faithfully forward in God’s plan for our growing our family; and this plan was adoption.  He spoke into my heart that something special was coming and we needed to step forward in obedience. The time was now and it felt so frantic!

WAKE UP WAKE UP

WAKE UP ALL YOU SLEEPERS

STAND UP STAND UP

STAND UP ALL YOU DREAMERS

In January of 2017 I finally shared with my husband that I had been doing endless hours of research and soul searching and my heart for adoption had grown. I shared that God has a plan for our family and we needed to move forward with adoption. My husband was a skeptic at first but as a good husband does - he trusted me and said yes to learning more. 

In February we agreed that adoption was going to be a big journey with many unknown twists and turns but learned that there are people out there that can help you navigate the waters.  After some research, enlisted Susan with Christian Adoption Consultants to help us. CAC has been such a life saver during this process. We knew the infertility world like the back of our hands but this was all new to us. Susan helped us step forward in our faith and we got the process of our home study rolling in March. After delays and frustrating months getting our home study completed we finally had approvals in July to officially become a waiting family.

It didn’t take long to start receiving situations and we actually said yes to our first one in early July! It was thrilling, exciting, and such an adrenaline rush! It felt so right. After a few days wait we learned that we were chosen by the birth parents for a boy that was due to be born in early December 2017. Our hearts were thrilled and we praised God. Excited we shared the news with family that we were finally finally going to be parents. Unfortunately, only 6 weeks after we matched, the birth parents started to feel connected to their sweet baby and they decided to parent. Our match failed and we were crushed. We questioned God. We questioned if we were forcing the growth of our family by pursuing adoption. But somehow we kept hold of a mustard seed of faith.

WE HAVE SEEN THE HOPE

OF HEALING

RISING FROM OUR SOULS

IS THE FEELING...

My gut began to tell me that if that match ended so early it was because something bigger was coming. God gave us a feeling of peace to trust in his plan to grow our family and continue to step forward in faith. So we started reviewing situations again but none of them felt right. Would we ever feel that organic feeling of “this is it” again when reviewing a situation?

We saw about 20 more situations before that familiar feeling returned. I remember I was feeling emotionally drained with this process when I opened the email from Susan that describe another potential situation for a baby in Florida that was due in about 30 days. I got through two paragraphs before I called my husband in tears telling him that I had the feeling again and he needed to review this immediately. We had to present our profile and he quickly agreed. We decided to keep this a secret from our family because we did not want to let them down again if we were not chosen. The emotional roller coaster our family had been on with us over the years was wearing on them – four miscarriages and a failed adoption was not just difficult for us, it was hard for everyone. We decided we could wait a few days before telling them anything.

WE ARE DRAWING CLOSE

YOUR LIGHT IS SHINING THROUGH

Then category 5 hurricane, Irma, happened. And the few days we were supposed to wait turned into two weeks. We didn’t get very much information during this delay and fear of another loss began weighing very heavy on our hearts. It felt so right when we submitted our profile and yet we felt it slipping thru our fingertips again. In isolation because we still hadn’t told anyone. Did we not hear God right? We kept trusting though because we just felt like we needed to see this one through. So we kept waiting.

Then we started to get updates as we headed into the 3rd week of waiting that the expectant mom was reviewing profiles. Hope began to build. The very next day we then learned that she was actually scheduled for a c-section and baby was coming early. So we prepared for a potential life changing call that night! ….but it didn’t come. And we kept waiting. I remember telling my husband that she decided to parent and we just needed to move on and we agreed that we would give it the weekend before doing so. How do you let go of something that feels so right though? Well, you don’t.

ALL THAT YOU REVEAL

WITH LIGHT IN US

WILL COME TO LIFE

AND START BREATHING...

The waiting was incredibly difficult and I cried tears of heartbreak and frustration not but 10 minutes before Susan called us with the most life changing news. Our baby girl had been born, was healthy, and we were chosen by her incredible birth mom to parent her. She picked us. We stood in our kitchen with dinner going cold just crying in disbelief. We still had not told our families this was happening so we began making calls to our parents letting them know that we had been keeping a huge secret and we were heading to Florida to meet our daughter! We took a day to prepare and buy all things baby girl. Then we got on a plane with one way tickets to Florida praying that this really truly was God’s plan for our family.

I remember tears streaming down my cheeks as the plane took off out of our home state praying that we would not come home empty handed. I listened to All Sons and Daughters - Wake Up - on repeat until we hit our destination. Quoted throughout this story these lyrics captured everything about our journey so perfectly.

HANDS UP, HANDS UP

HANDS UP ALL BELIEVERS

TAKE UP YOUR CROSS, CARRY IT ON...

We spent 3 weeks in Florida waiting on ICPC bonding with our baby girl who grew in our hearts for so long. We always wondered if it would feel foreign when we held her for the first time but honestly as soon as we laid our eyes on her our hearts responded with the feeling of “oh, there you are, we’ve been waiting for you.” While in Florida we had the great honor of meeting our daughters brave birth mom and grandfather during our time in Florida. We truly reveled in the feeling that we all already knew each other. To our surprise, conversation flowed so easily and we planned our next visits to continue bonding and staying in touch. 

Looking back, God could not have written our story any more perfectly. While adoption was not our plan A, we left no stone unturned and know in our hearts that our path to adoption was purposeful and led by God. He knew exactly who our daughter was long before we did and he knew exactly how to lead us to her.

God's hands are all over our adoption story. Our daughter’s birth mom and I share the same birthday month and baby girl shares the same birthday month as my husband. She was born 9 months after we stepped forward in faith to pursue adoption. Faith. Such a common thread in our journey so much so that I tattooed “walk by faith” on my arm as a reminder that God is always shaping our lives and we have to trust in Him. Faith is the name her birth mom chose for our daughter.

This is God. This is our testimony. He is always with us.

HERE WE STAND OUR HEARTS ARE YOURS, LORD

NOT OUR WILL BUT YOURS BE DONE.