Fundraising and Adoption: Inviting Others Into Your Story

It's no secret that adoption is expensive. The costs of a home study, agency and attorney fees, and birth parent expenses can be significant. Although adoption costs can vary from $25,000-$50,000, the average domestic agency adoption costs $43,239 (Source: Adoption: By The Numbers). It's rare families have the finances needed to fund an adoption in their bank account when they begin the adoption journey. So how do families afford their adoptions? How to they bridge the gap between where they feel God calling them and what they need to get there financially? Many couples decide to fundraise.

But most people have mixed emotions about fundraising for their adoption. While they know they need help and can't accomplish such a huge task alone, many families I talk to feel a certain shame and stigma when it comes to raising funds for their adoption.

How do families reconcile their conflicting feelings about fundraising? How do they share their desire to adopt knowing they'll have to ask for help from others? Does our faith come into play when we think about fundraising and stewarding our finances for the Kingdom? 

Below are some practical tips for families fundraising for an adoption.


Understanding and explaining the costs
One of the biggest hurdles families have when fundraising is answering questions about the costs of adoption. Most people don't understand the valid fees that go into adoption for the agency, attorneys, and birth parent expenses. They might even think the costs are unnecessary or unjustified. And for those suggesting a couple adopt from foster care because it's "free," it's important to note that these adoptions costs the state (and ultimately the tax payers) billions of dollars a year. Private domestic adoption is actually much less costly, but can seem more expensive because of the up front costs.

When it comes to fundraising in adoption, it's important educate friends and family about the typical fees associated with adoption and give them a general breakdown of adoption expenses can be helpful. When people understand the importance of counseling expectant parents, making certain their needs are met, and that the right adoption professionals are ensuring an adoption is done ethically and legally, they are much more apt to see the value and necessity behind the money spent. Ultimately we spend money on what we prioritize. Ensuring an adoption cares for everyone involved is money well spent.


Partnering with others to extend God's Kingdom

God's mandate is clear in the Bible. As believers, we are called to care for the least of these: those in need and the orphan (Matthew 25:40-45 and James 1:27). The incredible thing about infant adoption is the ability an adoptive family has to partner with a birth family and ensure a child is never an orphan. Although not everyone is called to become an adoptive family, everyone is called to adoption. Through your adoption, you can partner with others and invite them to be an active part of a movement to care for babies and their birth families.

There is a significant need for families to take on the financial and emotional burden and step into adoption. If believers are truly pro-life, this extends far past fighting for the rights of the unborn. In addition to caring for babies yet to be born, we must also care holistically for that baby long after birth AND their parents. This includes (but of course is not limited to), being willing to make adoption an important part of our faith culture. The church can step up and step in, taking back this responsibility from the government and care for others through adoption. Fundraising is one practical way we can make it possible for families to honor a birth mother's choice for life; stating that both she and her baby are valuable and important. Hopeful adoptive parents can get over the pride and stigma of asking for financial help when they see the bigger, eternal picture of partnering with others to extend God's kingdom to care for children and birth families through the option of adoption.

Invite others to be a part of your story
One of the hardest parts of fundraising can be the vulnerability that comes with sharing your story and asking for help. Why you're choosing adoption to grow your family and how your journey is going will be vital to inviting others into what God is doing and even educating them about adoption.

It's also important to note that when families fundraise they are not just asking for finances; they can also ask for prayer and practical help. There's no doubt adoption is expensive: but an adoptive family needs a community around them to also offer things like childcare, meals, encouragement, mentors, friendship...the list goes on. And although often overlooked, asking for prayer is one of the most important ways you can ask friends and family to be a part of your adoption journey.

Adoptive families are uniquely positioned. They have an opportunity to educate those around them about adoption and the need for the church to step into caring for children and birth families. This takes immense courage, but sharing your story and inviting others to be a part of it can be an incredible opportunity to share God's work in building your family and giving others a front row seat to the story he's writing.

Need creative financing and fundraising ideas? This is a huge part of Christian Adoption Consultant's services: helping you find the best platform to tell your story, grants and loans that are available to hopeful adoptive families, and fundraisers that will be a good fit. Contact me for more information!

What Love Looks Like

Dani and her husband, Adam are in the process of adopting for the second time (you can learn more about how their daughter came to them here). I love her story of what happens when they have a garage sale, enlist their friends to help, and a stranger asks for a deal...

For weeks, we’ve been collecting clothes, toys, furniture and other sundries from friends. They’ve come over with moving vans and pickup trucks, minivans and sensible Hondas, delivering the treasures of last year or last decade to our door. We drove around our county to pick up items, always with a grateful heart.

Once I started to feel overwhelmed by the stuff of other people’s lives, we started taking trips to our garage sale site, Josh and Kate’s new home. We filled the garage, the carport, and the living room. I apologized a lot for taking over their lives, but they are nice and didn’t seem to mind. Kate knows a professional sign maker and got printed signs donated, that said “Adoption Fundraiser Sale” in big black and red letters.

Two nights before the sale, Adam was up almost all night for work. Adelay was fussy, I was tired. We hadn’t had dinner together for a few nights and I was feeling hungry for more than food. We needed a break but one wasn’t coming – we had a sale to run. The night before, Adam made several trips with sale items in the pickup, we ate dinner at 10 pm, Josh and Kate went out late at night to hang signs. I felt overwhelmed and maybe a little defeated. I wondered if we were crazy to go through this again, if we were being unfair to our kind friends, if maybe we’d overstepped this whole “live out loud” thing once and for all.

But do you know what love looks like? I can tell you.

Love looks like undeserved favor. Love looks like friends who laugh at your apologies and cheerfully work for your cause, because they have taken it on as their own. Love looks like a beautiful summer morning sunrise that you are ready for, despite four hours of sleep. Love looks like friends who dropped off more sale items, even as the sale was in progress, who came by with baked goods for the bake sale and hugs and cheerfulness for us.

One woman made a small pile of flower pots and a sundial, and asked, “What do you want for this?”

We’d sold so many things and there was something about her that seemed hungry for kindness, so I said, “Whatever you want to pay.”

She sighed and shook her head, “You’re very generous, but I can’t do that today. Just tell me what you want.”

I quickly smiled and offered a small amount, $5 or something. She followed up by asking me what we were adopting. I laughed and told her a baby. “We’re already adoptive parents and we’re adopting again,” I explained.

Her entire face changed. She looked at the ground, and seemed to be trying to collect herself. Then she handed me a crumpled $20 bill. “Good luck,” she said, and she started to cry. I reflexively gave her a hug and she quickly turned away with her items, I could see tears coming out from behind her sunglasses.

Love looks like letting your story out into the world. Love looks like the hugs I got from strangers who are also adopting, who gave us more than we asked, who are adopted themselves. Love looks like giving people a chance to share in a beautiful life-changing story, one that is just beginning to unfold, and could not be told without them. Love looks like friends who donate, bake, and give of their company and courage. Love looks like a toddler happily playing with safe adults, secure in the knowledge that her tribe is there for her and baby brother or sister. Love looks like the countless texts and calls we got from out of town friends and family to ask us how it was going and how they can help.

Love looks like $2497.84 being raised in a single weekend, selling $1 flowerpots and baby onesies for 50 cents. This is what love looks like.

For more of Adam and Dani's adoption and to read her beautiful writing on her adventures as a "wife, mama, hiker, cowgirl, and experimental cook," check out Dani's blog at Wrangler Dani.

Because ONE Matters [a Shop Intro and a Giveaway]

Kerry and her husband, Denny, adopted through Christian Adoption Consultants early this summer. You can find the story of God's faithfulness to their family and their son's adoption here. And since Toby joined their family, their heart for adoption has expanded even more. Read more about how they are choosing to help other families on their adoption journeys...

Hello beautiful people!

My name is Kerry and I am so appreciative to Susan for allowing me to share my heart in this space today. We are CAC alums and we brought our little boy, Toby, home just a few months ago.

Before bringing Toby home we researched fundraising options and my husband and I always loved the idea of selling t-shirts to raise money for our adoption. We looked at some online tee companies but never really loved the designs plus we kind of liked the idea of printing our own. So a few months before we found out about Toby's situation, when we were still waiting, we ordered a screen printing kit and started playing around with and learning about screen printing. We had a lot of fun with it but then things with Toby happened so fast, we never got around to actually making any shirts.

On our way home from Florida, where Toby was born, we talked about the press and the other supplies we had in our house and what we should do with them. We decided we wanted to start a little business and help another family on their adoption journey.

One thing we learned from our journey to get Toby is that even though the adoption journey can feel lonely at times there is a large adoption community (online and in our churches) and they are some of the most generous people on the planet. We literally could not have adopted Toby if it had not been for so many generous people. With that in mind, we decided that as a family we wanted to come alongside another adoptive family and support them on their adoption journey. We decided we wanted to walk with them until their child came home. And we wanted to tell their story and pray with them and just be with them on their journey.

livi joy is the small business that was born out of this. Livi is what we call our oldest daughter, Alivea - the one who stole our heart 6 years ago when she joined our family through adoption. I had no idea how adoption was going to change my life when she was born. I had no idea how adoption was going to draw me closer to Jesus. And now it's our family business - standing with another family because ONE matters. We believe that. We believe that ONE family, ONE orphan, ONE child matters.

Within a few weeks of coming home we found out about the Ludwig's, a super sweet family from Alabama who had answered the call to step out on their adoption journey. Their story was a lot like ours. A step of faith with no safety net. Just wanting to be obedient.

We have developed a friendship with the Ludwig's and it is our desire to bless them on their journey and walk with them until their little one is in their arms.

We opened our shop two months ago and have been designing and selling tees to benefit the Ludwig's adoption fund. A large portion of the sale from every tee goes directly to them.

Today, we are giving one away. There are so many ways to enter. Simply use this entry form to be entered to win a tee of your choice.

To read more about our family please visit here. And thank you so much, Susan, again for allowing me to share my heart today.

In Their Own Words: An Adoptive Mama Talks About Fundraising for Adoption

Shelley and her husband, Chris, are currently in the process of adopting. They are in the early stages and in the midst of the paperwork process. Being a news reporter, Shelly has made sure she's done her homework. Before beginning with Christian Adoption Consultants, they researched the adoption process and even interviewed several consulting agencies.  

Chris and Shelley have dove into the process with a passion and zeal for adoption that I love to see in my clients. They have been vigilant about completing paperwork for their home study and creative in their fundraising. Shelley recently shared what it's been like to fund raise for their adoption and deal with the brick walls of stereotypes   

Today’s Soap Box: Ignorant Comments on Adoption

Here’s the deal.

I understand everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.

But I hope people choose their words wisely.

I’ve had one person comment recently on a facebook fundraising event which has triggered today’s soap box.

(And yes, I realize I might be opening the door for a rash of blunt opposition…)

That person will remain nameless and has since deleted her comment [maybe after having a realization of sorts that it was wasn't necessary nor was it completely accurate]…

Her comment on our recent t-shirt fundraising event (which I wrote about here, and ends TODAY!) was something along the lines of:

“How clever! Maybe I should make a t-shirt fundraiser to afford my baby!!”

Mind you, she gave birth to a baby girl just a few months ago.

I was hurt by her comment.

And maybe she didn't intend for it to be rude.

But the fact of the matter is this:

Adoption is expensive.

A lot of folks, take us for example, simply don’t have $30,000 that we’re just sitting on.

More importantly, that $30,000 isn’t to afford a “baby” per say.

It’s for much more.

It’s education, counseling, doctor’s appointments, money for rent or groceries for the birth mother who otherwise might not have the opportunity to have a healthy pregnancy.

It’s money for an adoption agency that, often times, is providing those services for the birth parents.

It’s travel expenses.

It’s background checks.

It’s invasive [and frankly, sometimes uncomfortable] interviews.

It’s postage to mail out piles of in-depth paperwork.

It’s the cost of fingerprints.

And clearances from every place you've lived in the past 20-years.

It’s legal fees after home visits from a social worker checking in to make sure you’re competent as a parent.

That $30,000 isn’t including serious health implications a baby could have after he/she is born.

It’s just the average of a domestic infant adoption.

The bottom line:

We’re not fundraising because we can’t afford taking care of a baby.

Like many adoptive families, we’re fundraising to ALLOW us the opportunity to do so.

It takes a village to raise a child.

Whether you've adopted or not, it certainly does, there’s no denying it.

I hope during our fundraising efforts, we’re able to become advocates for the option of adoption.

And we can shed a little light on this long, complicated process.

We are humbled by the many, many friends, family members — even strangers — who have been walking with us along this unknown, scary path.

We've set aside our pride to ask and accept financial help.

And prayers.

It’s not easy.

Trust me.

To the former classmate of mine who made the [what I view as ignorant] comment that sparked my whole rant blog post today:

Consider yourself lucky.

Lucky that while you were pregnant you could save for your daughter’s college fund.

You could plan for her nursery.

That while you were expecting, you had comfort in knowing your insurance would likely cover a chunk of your baby’s hospital bills.

Perhaps this post will encourage you to think about your views re: adoption expenses.

I hope it does.

While we don’t have the peace-of-mind you might have experienced during you’re pregnancy, we still consider ourselves lucky.

Just in a different way.

Because we know firsthand how many people care about our family.

We've seen it.

And felt it.

Perhaps that’s the greatest perk in this whole process.

Finally, this is an excerpt from one of my favorite adoptive mom blogs on this very topic:

“You will be humbled by the generosity of others; let it humble you and give thanks for it.  Do not be embarrassed by it.  All the money in the world belongs to God and when he directs it toward your adoption, give thanks and use that gratitude to energize you as you move forward in your journey.”

Amen, sister!

~Shelley

To follow more of Chris and Shelley's journey, you can follow her blog. She's even posted a follow up and the response from her classmate. And, if you want a great t-shirt that supports adoption AND a family, check it out here.

The Cost of Adoption

One of the most common questions I'm asked about adoption is why it's so expensive. When my recent post on who is called to adoption was picked up by LifeSite News, the comments section was full of people saying that they would adopt if it wasn't so expensive. Although missing the point of my blog (because even if you can't adopt you are called to be a vital part of the caring for the orphan by doing something), it's still a valid point.

Photo by We Are the Parsons

The truth is, adoption is expensive. The average domestic infant adoption in the United States is somewhere between $25,000-45,000. International adoption costs even more, often due to the added travel expenses. Understandably, this is a staggering amount to most families.

So why is it so expensive to adopt? There are many legitimate costs to adoption to ensure that the adoptive family, birth family, and the child are getting quality care throughout the process. Here's a break down of where the money goes: 

Agency Fees

This includes administration fees, reports that are required (home studies and post placement visits) and marketing and networking costs. 

Birthparent Care

This is comprised of vital counseling for the birth parents (both before and after birth), possible living expenses, transportation, maternity clothing, utilities, etc. A good agency will always access community services that are available before asking the adoptive parents to assist with these fees.   

Medical Expenses 

If a birth mother is not fully covered by insurance for prenatal care and labor and delivery, these fees are a part of the adoption process to ensure both the birth mother and baby have proper healthcare. 

Legal Fees

Legal expenses include hiring an attorney for the adoptive parents and often the birth parents to ensure the adoption is handled legally and ethically for all parties involved. It also accounts for court filing costs and representation.  

*These fees are associated with domestic infant adoption. Although private adoptions bypass some agency fees, reports are still necessary as well as proper birth parent care, legal fees, and possible medical expenses. It's important to note that there are little to no fees when adopting through the foster care system and states offer a subsidy and medical insurance until the child is eighteen.

One alarming and disturbing aspect of adoption are the differences in fees associated with a baby's race. The average cost of adopting a Caucasian child in the US is $30-45K where the average cost of adopting an African American child is $24-30K.  In my experience, this is due to two reasons. First, the harsh reality is that there is more demand for Caucasian babies in the US. Sadly, there are many more families willing to adopt if the baby "fits their family portrait" than to take on the task of having a multiracial family. The second reason is that many states require agencies to have lower fees for minorities in hopes of encouraging minority adoption. The goal is for adoptive agencies to recruit "potential adoptive homes that reflect the ethnic and racial diversity of children in the state for whom adoptive homes are needed." (Missouri Revised Statutes  453.005) In hopes to recruit more minority adoptive parents, the adoption costs are subsidized. In many minority cultures adoption does happen, just more often in a non-traditional sense. If an African American or Hispanic mother is not in a season to parent, instead of making a legal adoption plan she'll often get assistance from her mother or auntie or another family member or friend to help her raise the baby. 

Sadly, in the US, special needs is (unofficially) considered African American male. For no other reason than race, these sweet babies are some of the hardest to place. The issues of trans-racial adoption are complex and outside the scope of this discussion. Every life is equally precious but we function in a broken world with broken systems and this is one of the results. We need more families who have a willingness to adopt; no matter the skin tone.

Although one reality is that adoption is expensive, another reality is that some costs can be avoided all together. There are pitfalls in bad agencies, unethical attorneys, risky situations, and unnecessary bills due to ignorance. Families who walk into adoption "blind" with no one to help them through the process often end up losing thousands of dollars this way. You can see that it's critical to find agencies and attorneys that provide ethical and excellent services to both the birth family and the adoptive family. To know that your adoption finances are well stewarded is of the utmost importance.

Raising this kind of money is not impossible. It's rare that families start the process with tens of thousands in the bank. There are grants, low or no-interest loans, tax credits, employer benefits, and creative fundraising that make adoption possible for families.  I've never had a family be matched with a situation and not have the money available. But that's not to say they didn't do the hard work of saving, fundraising, and financing for their adoption. And when you get down to it, is there any better investment you can make financially than investing in the eternal destiny of your child?

This is why I love what I do. As an adoption consultant, I help people through the complex task of finding quality agencies, ethical attorneys, and situations that are a good fit for their family. I also connect people to helpful grants and coach them on financing and fundraising. In the end all of this hard work ends in the creation of a family.

I don't want to imply that the path of adoption is an easy one. That there won't be significant and very real costs both financially and emotionally. But ask any adoptive family if it was worth it for their son or daughter.  I'll bet they'll tell you they would have paid ten times more if they had to now that they're on the other side and see the infinite value of their child.

Adoption is worth the cost.

For more on the adoption process and consulting, contact me at susan@christianadoptionconsultants.com.