Guarding Your Child's Adoption Story

Here’s a question most families DON’T know to ask at the beginning of their adoption journey: 

How do we protect our child’s story?

It’s one that is rarely asked in the beginning because so much of adoption at the front end of things is about the adoptive parents: how should we go about adopting? How do we find an ethical agency? How can we afford adoption?

But a question ALL adoptive families should be asking, even before adopting, is how to protect their future child’s adoption story.

Here’s why: people are naturally curious about adoption, about the process, and about the people involved. And we want friends and family to be on the journey with us: with their support and prayers. But our role as parents is to protect our child’s story from the very beginning. Because really, this is their story, even more than it's ours.

So how do we balance inviting people into the story while also protecting the children involved?

Ultimately, we are careful about sensitive information regarding the child, their birth family, and many of the specifics. We want to protect sensitive information that includes things like why an adoption plan was made, the specifics surrounding their conception, and if there’s a history of any mental health or substance use. There’s a difference between being secretive and protecting privacy.

Two helpful questions to ask before sharing ANY information:

    Is this something I might regret sharing later?

    Does this respect my child’s privacy and the privacy of their birth family?

It’s important to remember that once information is shared, it can never be taken back. And we don’t want others in our child’s life to know more of their story than they do.

So how can you gracefully respond when people ask questions you can’t answer? We could say something like We want him to be the first to hear about his/her adoption story, and so we have chosen not to share personal details of their story with others. Or that's her story, so I want to respect her privacy by not sharing those details. Thanks for understanding.

If you’re currently at the beginning of your adoption journey, it might help to give friends and family a heads up about how you plan to protect these details, so they know why you’re sharing generalizations. This can actually head off a lot of awkward conversations right from the beginning.

Parents have a vital role in their children’s lives to be staunch gatekeepers of their story: to keep it safe and protected until the child decides who they want to share their story with, in their own way and in their own timing.

Because ultimately, it's a child’s story to tell.

Adoption Story: Tyler + Molly

"We are full of hope and are excited for what the future holds. We know God’s timing is perfect and we are leaning into that as hard as we can and doing our best to be patient as we continue through this season of waiting."

That was from an email Tyler and Molly sent me in August. None of us knew then that there was a baby already born who would be their daughter. Just weeks after their declaration of hope and trust in God's goodness, they welcomed a little girl into their home. Today Tyler and Molly share their adoption story.

Through our adoption journey, God has taught us patience, faith, and perseverance, which is no surprise. As any of you who have started down the adoption path have discovered, it is challenging, difficult, and a lot of work! Being on the other side now, though, we can tell you that it is so worth it. It is beyond what we could have even imagined. God's timing is always perfect, even when we cannot see it or feel it in the struggle of the process. About a year into our adoption journey, we thought we were finally reaching a happy conclusion to our story. Ultimately, we ended up going through a sudden and completely surprising failed adoption. We were at one of the lowest points of our lives in the aftermath, wondering what was next: do we even want to continue with this, and would having a child ever become a reality for us? Little did we know, while we were in those dark days, there was a baby being born that would ultimately be coming home with us a couple of months later. Of course, God knew all of this; He was perfectly orchestrating our story and could see to the other side. While we were in the lowest valley, we never lost hope in Him. Now that we have seen the rest of the story and the happy ending for our family, it is amazing to look back and see how God was refining and preparing us. God doesn't plan for bad things, but allows them to happen. He then creates beauty from those trials and hardships we face. We just want to encourage all of you who are in the middle of the storm, feeling trapped, or like there is no end in sight. Keep your faith and eyes on the Lord. Keep loving each other well, praying, and do not give up. Jeremiah 29:11 offered us so much encouragement: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

We also want to send a huge shoutout and thank you to Susan, our consultant at Christian Adoption Consultants. It is hard to put into words how much help Susan and the entire CAC team were for us in this adoption journey. From creating our profile, finding a reliable home study provider, to selecting and getting us on the lists of the various adoption agencies, it was a wonderful experience. There is no doubt, we could not have done it without them. The process has an extremely high workload at times, and our stress level was reduced by a large amount, having Susan and the whole CAC team there to guide us along step by step. The Adoptive Parent Guide was another great resource for us to be able to go look at on our own. When we did reach out to Susan, her communication and response time were so incredible. She was always thoughtful, understanding, very caring, and willing to do anything she could to help us out. If you are considering adoption and looking at going the consulting route (which we highly recommend!) then you cannot do any better than Susan and her entire team at CAC. 

Want to start your own adoption journey and story of hope, contact me here!

Adoption Story: Nate + Erin

I haven't met a hopeful adoptive family yet that assumes the road to adoption will be an easy one. But often, families have a hard time knowing just how their personal story to grow their family will be written. Nate and Erin had no idea what God had for them in the years they pursued adoption, but there's no doubt His plan was good from the start. Read more as Erin shares their incredible story!

Since childhood, we both knew adoption would one day be part of our story. Growing up with adopted relatives gave us a firsthand understanding of the beauty, significance, and lifelong impact of adoption. It opened our hearts early on to the idea that family is built not just by biology, but by love, commitment, and calling. Early in our relationship, we found that we shared this desire, talking often about how adoption would someday be part of how we grew our family. It wasn’t just a passing thought; it was something the Lord had planted deep within both of us.

After welcoming our two wonderful boys and settling into life as a family of four, we began to sense the Lord stirring our hearts again, reminding us of that long-held dream. The desire didn’t fade; it grew stronger. We felt Him gently nudging us, opening the door, and calling us to step out in faith. It wasn’t a decision made lightly, but one covered in prayer, conversation, and trust.

Adoption has always been more than just an option to us—it’s a reflection of the Gospel, of being chosen and deeply loved. We believe in the sacredness of this calling and the honor of being part of a child’s story in this way. So, when the time came, we stepped forward with open hands and hopeful hearts, ready to walk the road God had prepared for us.

We first heard about adoption consultants from a friend and were immediately intrigued. In 2022, we connected with Christian Adoption Consultants and had an introductory call with Susan. From the very beginning, we knew she was the perfect fit for us. Susan made what could have been an overwhelming process feel manageable and filled with hope. She was incredibly knowledgeable, always patient with our questions, and consistently available to offer guidance. Her steady encouragement, thoughtful prayers, and genuine care gave us so much peace and confidence every step of the way. We truly can’t imagine walking this journey without her, and we’re endlessly grateful for the heart, wisdom, and support she poured into our adoption story.

Our adoption journey was long and difficult, marked by years of waiting, failed adoptions, and even a fraud case. At times, we questioned if we should keep going, but each time we cried out, the Lord reminded us to trust Him and His timing. Though it wasn’t easy and we wondered if it would ever happen for us, we held onto faith, believing He was always at work even when we couldn't see it. We clung to the truth that He had called us to this and would bring it to pass. A quote Susan shared with us by Elisabeth Elliot stood out to us along our journey: “Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.” Despite fear and uncertainty, we chose to keep trusting the Lord every step of the way.

When we presented to our now daughter’s birth mom, we felt a deep peace and were sure she was meant to be ours. When she chose us, that peace only grew. But after arriving and waiting to go to the hospital, we were told we wouldn’t be adopting the baby. We were heartbroken and confused, doubting what we had heard from the Lord. The drive home was painful, and we paused our adoption to heal and pray. One of us felt God saying no new situations would come, while the other felt we were close and just needed to trust His timing. Though it seemed conflicting, we chose to move forward and trust God’s direction. Then, just a week after making that decision—and a month after returning home—we got a call: our case worker told us that the birth mom asked if we were still willing to adopt her daughter. We were stunned. What we thought was a closed door, God reopened. We said yes, and days later, we were on a plane to meet her.

Meeting our daughter for the first time was absolutely surreal—an unforgettable moment where time seemed to stand still. We instantly fell in love. She was perfect in every way—tiny, beautiful, and full of life—a little ray of sunshine that lit up our world. Holding her in our arms for the first time brought tears of joy and overwhelming gratitude. In that sacred moment, every hardship, every unanswered question, every year of waiting melted away. It all made sense.

The Lord had been so faithful, gently and purposefully weaving together each part of our story to lead us to her. She is more than we ever dreamed of—full of joy, wonder, and a sweetness that fills our home with light. Watching her grow, hearing her laugh, and simply being near her is one of life’s greatest privileges. We are constantly in awe of the gift she is to us. Our hearts are overflowing with thankfulness to the Lord for choosing us to be her parents. She is a daily reminder of His goodness, His perfect timing, and His ability to turn waiting into beauty. She’s not just the perfect addition to our family—she is a miracle, a blessing, and a treasure beyond words.

Our daughter comes from a strong, brave woman who made one of the most selfless and loving decisions a mother can make. She entrusted us with the incredible gift of raising her daughter, and we are deeply grateful she chose us to be her forever family. Her courage, love, and strength are forever woven into our daughter’s story, and we will always honor that. She will always have a special place in our hearts and in our home—she is part of our family. We cherish her, not only for the choice she made but for the beautiful person she is. Her love gave our daughter life, and her decision gave us the greatest blessing we could ever receive. We are committed to making sure our daughter grows up knowing how deeply she is loved by her birth mom and how her story began with immense bravery and love.

The journey to our daughter was nothing like we expected, but we wouldn’t change a thing. The Lord orchestrated it so beautifully—far beyond what we could have imagined—growing us individually, strengthening our marriage, and deepening our faith as a family. Adoption isn’t easy; it’s filled with unknowns, waiting, and moments of surrender. But through every high and low, we’ve seen how God’s love and grace sustain and shape us. He used this journey to refine our hearts, to teach us trust on a deeper level, and to remind us that His plans are always good—even when they look different from our own.

Adoption has forever changed us. It has expanded our understanding of love, of sacrifice, and of what it means to be family. It’s taught us to hold space for both joy and grief, and to embrace the beauty of redemption woven through brokenness.

God continues to write the story of our lives with care and purpose, and we know that our precious daughter is one of the most beautiful chapters—a gift beyond anything we could have hoped for. She is a living reminder of His faithfulness, and we are honored to be her parents.

I love that Nate and Erin wanted to end their story with verses they clung to during their adoption journey and prayers that they would encourage others.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  -Proverbs 3:5-6

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”   -Philippians 4:4-7

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.  -Proverbs16:1

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.  -Romans 12:12

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  -Isaiah 40:31

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!  -Psalm 27:14

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.  -Psalm 37:4-5

Embryo Adoption Story: Matthew and Kati

Today I'm thrilled to share a first. This past Spring. Christian Adoption Consultants welcomed our first-ever baby through embryo adoption! I was blessed to work with his parents, Matthew and Kati, as they walked through the process of adopting sweet Josiah as an embryo, going through the frozen embryo transfer, and carrying his pregnancy. I was in awe watching them prayerfully and thoughtfully go through each step so intentionally and today Kati shares a bit about their journey.

Matthew and I adopted Josiah when he was a 5-day-old embryo in August of 2023. He was placed in the care of a medical facility anonymously, which means that his genetic parents did not want to disclose identifying information or have a relationship with his adoptive parents. Many such embryos are placed alongside their genetic siblings, also in frozen, embryonic state. Josiah, however, was on his own. It is not uncommon for singletons like him to be adopted with less frequency than genetic sibling groups. According to the paperwork, he was truly alone.

And yet nothing could be further from the truth. Josiah has always had, and will always have, the best of fathers: Jehovah himself. The Father who says to each of us, “I have called you by name; you are mine”. No amount of genetic assurance or nuclear family members could ever assuage the longing in our hearts to be truly known and loved. Only our Creator can do that. One day, Jesus will call us to our true home in Heaven.

In the meantime, we rejoice daily that God brought each of us together. He united Matthew and me eight years ago. He has also entrusted us, despite all our shortcomings, with three precious kiddos. Josiah’s older siblings Isla (just 6) and Callum (almost 4) tend to him with unrivaled tenderness and zeal. Since the moment he was born, Matthew and I find ourselves saying to each other, “He may have only joined us a few months ago, but it feels like he has always been a part of us.”

Questions to Ask When Hiring An Adoption Consultant

There are a lot of critical decisions to make when it comes to adoption. Domestic or international? What about foster care? Agency or private adoption? Go it alone or hire a consultant to help guide you on your journey?

But once you decide on domestic infant adoption and that you want a consultant to walk with you, how do you decide which consultant group to work with? With several consultant firms to choose from, how do you know which one is the best fit for your family? 

I've compiled a list of questions to ask when you interview potential consultants. Use this list to get the most information, educate yourself on the specific services available, and how things work with each consulting firm.

Services

• How long is your contract? Is it good through match or successful placement? 
• Do you offer profile creation or review services? Do you have stats showing how helpful your profile services are? Do you offer online profile and video services?
• What kind of ongoing support and communication is available throughout the length of our contract? 
• What are your stats: number of successful adoptions, percentage of failed adoptions, average wait times, etc.?
• Do you offer any adoption training or courses that provide training certificates?
• Do you offer assistance with agency applications and adoption financing?

Consultants and Staff

• What kind of training do your consultants go through to provide adoption services?
• What professional experience and education does your staff have? So you have any licensed social workers on your team?
• Do you have birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents on your team?
• What controls and oversight do you have to ensure quality of care and ethics?

Recommended Agencies and Attorneys

• What are your standards for the agencies and attorneys you recommend?
• What kind of services do the agencies and attorneys offer for expectant and birth families?
• What kind of vetting does an agency/attorney go through to be a part of your recommended agency list?
• Do we have access to the agency information (name, address, contact info, and application information) and can we reach out directly with questions?
• Does your company receive any “kickbacks” or financial gains or have any financial ties to any adoption agencies or attorneys you recommend?

Situations

• Are there requirements to saying yes or no to presenting?
• How much time do we have to decide if we want to present?
• Will we know when we see a situation what agency or attorney it's from?
• Do we know when we are being presented? How can we be sure?
• Do we need to pay a fee to present to situations?
• How much information are we given to review for each situation? Is there a fee schedule included? Do we have access to social/medical history, information on the birth father, prenatal records, etc.?

A few other things to consider:

• It should be easy to get a hold of a consultant. Communication is key when you're adopting and being able to easily reach someone in a timely manner matters!
• In the same vein, you should feel like they are happy to answer your questions and knowledgeable about the entire adoption process. Ask about their professional and personal experience in adoption.
• Don't hesitate to ask for references and search for online reviews of other adoptive families who have used their services.

Ultimately, you want to feel confident and comfortable with the consultant and consultant group you choose. They will be walking with you during your adoption journey to guide you, advocate for you, and educate you. But they will also be there to be a listening ear, possibly a shoulder to cry on, and to pray with you as you work to add a baby to your family. Finding someone you trust will be invaluable.

If you want to find out more about Christian Adoption Consultants and our consulting services, feel free to email me for a info packet. I'll be happy to answer these (and any) questions you have! 

Adoption Story: Michael and Becca

One of my favorite things is asking families to tell their stories. This space is full of adoption stories and often, hopeful adoptive families will pore over each one, wondering how their own story will be written. Or looking for encouragement on their own journey which turned out longer than they anticipated. When I asked Becca to share the story of their son, she didn't hesitate. She knows good stories are meant to be shared...and celebrated.

I am so excited to have a story to share on Susan’s adoption blog! I read her blog late at night when I found out we’d yet again not even been presented to a birth mother. I loved how every adoption story came together so differently. God is creative, unchanging, and reliable all at the same time.  Adoption was laid on my heart in my early twenties as I attended a church with a huge heart for adoption. The youth pastor and his wife had adopted from foster care and advocated heavily for little ones in similar situations, working hard to educate people on ways to get involved. When our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage I brought up the topic to my husband and he was fully on board. We started adoption classes in 2015, but quickly learned our life was not at all at a place where we were proper adoptive candidates. Several years later, we were settled into a house and raising two little ones. My husband and I were pretty set on adoption through the foster care system but kept hitting walls, sort of like a "square peg, round hole" situation. I had a local family friend who adopted domestically with the help of Christian Adoption Consultants and over time we realized that’s the direction God was steering us toward. 

As 2022 began, we ramped up our efforts towards becoming home study ready and officially signed on with a handful of agencies. We chose three to four that we connected with on paper and felt peace about partnering with, but there was one agency that really stood out to me. We asked to be considered for probably twenty-plus situations before the agency we felt most drawn to called out of nowhere in October with a match! We happened to be on vacation and began driving to meet this sweet birth mama and baby. Things unexpectedly took a turn and twelve hours later, we heard she had decided to parent. Although I was genuinely happy for her and her baby, we were far from home and I felt so confused. It was then that Susan was able to provide some answers and address my doubts and concerns. The  conversations we had in the next week kept me at peace with our hope to adopt and thankfully we stayed the course. 

Just twenty days after our rapid heartache, the same agency called again with a match: a little baby who had been chosen for our family. And just a few hours after that, we were boarding a plane to cross the country. I was more than a little anxious and prayed the entire flight. We left the airport and got into our rental car to head to the town where this sweet baby was waiting. My whole family fell asleep in the car. It was a lovely ride with gorgeous scenery and lots of heaven-sent peace. I was still so nervous but the peace reigned. This is a drive I often look back on with such a happy heart. I didn’t know then what was ahead, but now I know it unfolded so beautifully.

We ran into some obstacles once we got to the hospital. Before we could meet the baby, official papers had to be signed and reviewed. It was three days before we met our son and I felt like I was about to bust the doors down - it couldn't come soon enough! We finally met him and settled into an Airbnb as a family of SIX! We loved where we were staying, appreciated every moment, and just hours later we received the call from ICPC we could travel home. We were shocked it was so quick! It was close to Thanksgiving and we were so grateful to be able to celebrate at home.

I look back on the days before we received "the" call, the hours of achingly waiting to see what would happen, and the early days of meeting our son with awe. Honestly, God blew us away. There were times during our journey, especially after we were foster licensed but felt zero peace, when I was so confused about this calling we felt. I was always on board to adopt but thought maybe I wasn’t cut out for it all. I am so, so grateful, for our journey, thankful we stayed the course. and absolutely adore the baby God brought into our family. 

God was always there and always leading. 

Adoption Story: Adam and Lindsay

Adam and Lindsay's adoption story is one of patience, perseverance, and incredible faith. They walked through so much to ultimately bring their son home, at the most unexpected time and in the most unexpected way. I love the way Lindsay describes adoption, as grief and joy intertwined. Read more of their story as Lindsay shares the grief of the long journey and the joy of a son growing their family.

We had always talked about adoption and knew adoption would be part of our story, but we weren't sure when or how. After growing our family initially with two biological children (and a lot of trauma), we felt like adoption was the path that God was pointing us toward to complete our family. Lindsay's cousins had used Christian Adoption Consultants for their adoption a few years back and highly recommended them, so in November 2021 we had a call with Susan and decided to officially move forward.

The beginning was a flurry of activity - the home study, profile book, and loads of paperwork and applications. After that, we waited. We presented. And waited and presented some more. Finally, in May of 2023, we were matched with an expectant mom who was due to have a baby boy in just a few days! Ultimately, she decided to parent. While we were devastated, we also rejoiced that a family got to stay together (Isn't that adoption in a nutshell? Grief and joy intertwined). We continued to wait, and matched again in early July, this time with an already-born baby boy. Unfortunately, while we were at the airport, we got a call from the agency saying it was not going to happen. This was our lowest point - we weren't sure we could recover from a second failed match and questioned whether we misunderstood and if this was really the path for us.

We share this part of our story not to give other hopeful adoptive families doubts, but to give them hope. Because those challenges ultimately led us to our son! One week later, we got another call that we were chosen by a birth mom with a 7-month-old baby boy. We were guarding our hearts heavily, but made the journey to Utah to meet them. It was love at first sight and papers were signed the next day. It was such a whirlwind, but in the absolute best way.

Our son is the sweetest, happiest, most snuggly (and chunky!) baby in the world. We have bonded with each other in such an amazing way and we love him fiercely. We also love his birth mother and are forever grateful to her. Everything we've been through in growing our family has 100% been worth it - we couldn't love him more.

When we set out on this journey, we didn't picture a long wait; we didn't picture failed matches; and we didn't picture bringing home a baby who wasn't a newborn. But God had other plans, and we thank Him every day that he brought our son into our lives. We truly cannot imagine life without him - we were meant for each other.

The guidance, resources, and prayers from Susan and the CAC team were invaluable during our adoption journey. I don't know how we would have done it without them.