Considering Becoming a Transracial Family

As a social worker and adoption consultant who has worked with families going on twenty years, I've had hundreds of conversations with white families considering adopting a child who is not their same race and ethnicity. But even with those conversations in living rooms, coffee shops, and conferences calls, I'll be the first to say I'm no expert in this area. I'm a white woman, raising my biological children, who has never walked in the shoes of a person of color.

When we have children, we read books on child-rearing, prepare a nursery, and register for baby items. Adopting a child means additional steps of a home study and being chosen by a birth family. But families choosing to adopt transracially, and specifically the children they adopt, have to tackle head on the complexities of race, identity, and navigating all that means in today's America. Adopting across races goes far beyond hair care and celebrating Black History Month. Let's challenge ourselves to thoughtfully consider these issues for the sake of black and brown children who need parents to not only care for them physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but also to care well for their racial wellbeing.

At its core, adoption is complex. Yes, adoption is beautiful. But it also always begins with brokenness and can leave an adoptee struggling with their identity. Nowhere is this more true than with transracial adoptees. In transracial adoption, a child is not only severed from their birth family, but also from their race and culture. One of the worst things we can do is attempt to be "colorblind" or believe that "love is enough." These are two dangerous beliefs that diminish a person's identity and worth as well as the realities of that person's experiences.

As you think and pray through the possibility of becoming a transracial family, here are some issues to consider and a few practical steps you can take:

1. Confront your own biases

We all have them; prejudices or inclinations about others. Our biases can be explicit (conscious) or implicit (unconscious) and are a part of a broken, sinful world. As a hopeful adoptive parent considering transracial adoption, this is a necessary first step; discovering prejudices you have and choosing to actively fight them with the truth. Without doing the hard work of uncovering your own personal biases, you can't begin to do the even more important work of addressing them. How comfortable are you with people who are different than you? When you hear about racism in America, is your first inclination to listen and learn or to dismiss and deny?

2. Consider your current and future community

"Your child should not be your first black friend." Chad Goller-Sojourney shared this wisdom in his interview with NPR sharing his experience as a transracial adoptee. Make sure your adopted child isn't the first person outside of your race around your dinner table, in your home, and in your close circle. To responsibly consider adopting a child outside of your race, first take a look at your current life. Is there diversity in your neighborhood? Your church? Your local school? Your gym? Would your child see people that look like them in your community? One of your roles as a transracial adoptive parent will be to intentionally seek out racial mirrors and mentors for your child. What would it look like for you to continue to or begin to embrace another culture?  How can you provide your child with opportunities to play, grow, and learn alongside those who share their skin tone? 

3. Count the cost

If you can't identify diversity in your current circles, are you willing to make some changes? Are you willing to intentionally seek out racial mirrors for your child and invite them into your daily life? Are you open to moving into a different neighborhood or community, willing to attend a different church or school, and willing to find experiences for your child where they will not be the minority? Are you willing to find people of color who are in spaces of influence, role models, and leadership in your community: doctors, teachers, and politicians? As a multiracial family, you will come face to face with the ugliness of stereotypes, microagressions, and racism. To reflect God's own heart of justice, you will have to work to fight against these evils. There will be heartbreak and suffering as you watch your child suffer unjustly from the judgments of others. You will likely have some hard, uncomfortable conversations. Are you committed to entering spaces of discomfort for the sake of the comfort of your child? Honestly weighing these important considerations will be critical to prayerfully considering adopting a child who doesn't share your race.  

4. Decide to become a lifelong learner

One of the most important ways to continue to learn and grow in this area is to listen to the voices of  men and women of color. In particular, it is essential that we listen to transracial adoptees. We hear a lot from adoptive families and occasionally from birth families, but we need to especially lean in and listen to adoptees when they share their experience. Here's just a few adoptee voices to listen and learn from: Rhonda Roorda and her book, In Their Voices: Black Americans on Transracial Adoption, Angela Tucker, creator of The Adopted Life, and April Dinwoodie of Born in June, Raised in April. Another way to learn is to be a part of a community that openly discusses race, racism, and works to restore justice. Be The Bridge is an incredible online space and the educational units they offer are especially helpful as you work to learn all you can about these issues. Decide now to never quit learning.

Seriously considering adoption, especially adopting transracially, means that for many families who feel called to adoption they seriously consider what it means to actively work to maintain their child's cultural and racial heritage. The process of learning how to parent a child outside of your ethnicity should begin during the home study (if not before) and continue lifelong for the sake of your child. It is hard and humbling work. It takes courage, dedication, and grit. But this is Kingdom work: when we celebrate the beauty and identity of every race, we bring some of Heaven to Earth.