Adoption Story: Stacey and Jené

One of my favorite parts of family's adoption journeys is the chance to look back at all of the ways God was working behind the scenes when we couldn't see it in the midst of the wait. 

When Stacey and Jené were home study approved, they had no idea that just days later their son would be born. They didn't learn of him for several weeks, but God did a lot of work in their hearts while they waited for this little guy who would soon be their son. 

Today Jené shares the details of their adoption and the ways they were challenged to rest and trust in God's perfect timing.

I've had a hard time knowing what to say about our adoption journey and have also felt a little guilty because our journey was quicker and smoother than many and was just about as ideal a situation as we could get. We started the process knowing and believing God already knew what our adoption journey would be, the expecting family with whom we would be matched, and the baby that would be our son or daughter. God has shown us many times that His timing is perfect, and we knew that was true for adoption too. My brother passed away from cancer in 2014; he never asked God "Why?" but would tell our family "God's got a plan." This is something that continues to speak to us. We kept our hearts open and trusted that God had a plan, and He would match us with the family and baby meant to be and in His timing. Our faith gave us comfort and peace but was also tested, especially during those times when doubt and questioning started to creep. 

Once we became active with agencies, there would be weeks we would get several situations. Then, we would go weeks without any. We prayerfully considered each situation and listened to our hearts and gut. When we presented to an expecting family, that was our "yes" and full commitment to that family and that baby. Not something we took lightly. I would question if we were finding reasons to not present to expecting families or being too "picky." Then, we would go weeks without getting a situation, and we started to question and get nervous about when we would get the opportunity to present to a family. God's timing is perfect, and He has a plan. 

We received our son's situation when we had two dear friends over for dinner; one of those friends is an adoptee who has been open and supportive from the first time we talked about our desire to adopt. From this moment, we felt God working. Our son was three weeks old and in cradle care (15 minutes from where we live) when we received the situation. We didn't have a lot of information, but we knew he was a healthy baby boy. We presented to his birth mother, and a few days later, Stacey woke me up at 12:30 AM and said, "I guess I can start calling you 'Mom.'" We got an email at midnight to let us know our son's birth mom chose us. Neither of us slept the rest of the night. 

The following four weeks felt like four months! This was probably the most challenging time with the widest range of emotions! Meetings with our son's birth mom were canceled and rescheduled three times and finally happened via Zoom. The appointment for our son's birth mom to sign papers was canceled and rescheduled four times (which would have been five times if not for her lawyer going above and beyond). Each time, our anticipation would grow as it got closer to the time she was going to sign, and then, we would get a text to let us know the appointment was canceled but our son's birth mom still wanted to continue with the adoption plan and with us. Although, we should have continued to feel hopeful when we were told she wanted to continue with the plan, we would feel discouraged, angry, fearful, which also only grew after each cancelation. Honestly, almost each time, I said "I just want to cuss and cry." Our son was well loved and cared for in cradle care, but I also didn't think it was fair for this baby to be waiting for his family, whether that was us, his birth mom, or another family. We had to refocus our thoughts and hearts, pray, and remember what was true. We would refocus our thoughts and prayers on our son's birth mom, which wasn't always easy, either. But we know what she was doing and going through was way harder than we can ever imagine and way more than what we were feeling. Stacey didn't waver in his belief that this baby would be our son. I thought he would be our son too, but I was guarded and didn't want to get our hopes up. It was an internal struggle to know the truths of our faith but to also feel like I needed to guard my heart and be prepared if this was a failed match. Within three days of our son's birth mom signing papers, he was placed with us. All of the frustration, doubt, fear we felt melted away when we got to hold our son. 

Our son's birth mom wanted an open adoption, which is what we want too. We email monthly updates and pictures. We've only heard from her one time since placement in June. We hope and pray for healing, peace, and comfort for her and that some day, we can have the open adoption we all spoke about when we met virtually. Until then, we talk to our son about his birth mom, our admiration and appreciation for her, and what she shared she wants for him. We pray for her. We talk to him about all the people who love him and have loved him from the very beginning. We pray over him that he always knows how loved he is and that he knows he was created for a plan and a purpose. 

We were blessed with our beautiful red-headed, blue-eyed boy and with a situation that was ideal for us. It wasn't without it's frustrations and tears. We were also blessed with two people who walked beside us through this journey who supported, encouraged, validated our feelings, brought us back to reality, were patient, and always available to listen and to share their wisdom and all with no judgement, Susan with Christian Adoption Consultants and our friend, Becca, who connected us to CAC and Susan in the beginning. Susan, Becca, along with the adoption agency will always have a special place in our hearts as God used each one in growing our family and bringing our son home.