Earlier this week, Jarred and Abbie, began to share the story of welcoming their son into their family (as Abbie blogged over at Naturalee Homestead throughout the process). Check out Part One here. Today Abbie is sharing excepts from the second half of their adoption journey with Christian Adoption Consultants. I especially love how honestly she shares the emotional roller coaster the hospital experience can bring, the bittersweetness of adoption, and the incredible love they have for their son's birth mother.
March 25, 2022, Archer's Birth Story
Saturday morning, March 12th, Jarred and I got in the car and started our ten and a half hour drive to Utah. I was so excited and yet had the pit in my stomach of “what if.” What if we get there and the agency calls and says she changes her mind. What if we meet her at dinner and she doesn’t like us? What if we meet the baby and she changes her mind at the last minute. How would I handle it?
The whole drive there we just kept talking about how excited we were and nervous. We talked about his name and that we were pretty sure that was the right one. We talked about logistics, sang a lot of 90s country songs, and were over joyed when we realized speed limits through Idaho were 80 mph!
Headed to Utah!
We got to our hotel around 8:30pm and were checked in by the kindest woman. Sunday we slept in and decided to have a slow morning. We made coffee and breakfast and talked excitedly about dinner scheduled for that night, where we would be meeting Archers birth mom, Mama J for the first time. We were excited and nervous. Wanting her to like us, and hoping that we would just click.
The fifteen minute car ride to dinner I kept telling Jarred, I feel like I’m going to puke, I was so nervous! Mama J walked through the door of the restaurant and I asked her if I could give her a hug and she said yes. It was so nice to finally meet the woman who we had been praying for, and who had chosen us to be the parents of her child.
We were able to connect and multiple times she said how sure she was of choosing us, and that she was so thankful for us. We discussed her wishes for openness moving forward and our wishes for her to be a part of his life. We left feeling so at peace, so thankful and also so heartbroken for her. Adoption is such a roller coaster of a ride. Highest of highs and lowest of lows.
The next morning, March 14th, Mama J went in to be induced. Around 1:00pm we got a text that she was 4cm dilated. We were headed to grab lunch at about 2:00 when we got a text she was fully dilated and doctor was on his way! We were so excited and ran back to our hotel to eat. About 2:45pm we got a call that he was born at 2:29pm, 6lbs 13oz and 19 inches long! We quickly got a text with a couple pictures and he was absolutely perfect! She said they would let us know when Mama J was ready for us to come.
We sat at the hotel giddy with anticipation! We packed and repacked bags hoping the hospital would allow us to spend the first night with him there. At about 3:30pm, we got a text that Mama J had decided she would like to spend the day and night with him and for us to come the next day instead. Our hearts shattered when we read those words. I burst into tears that this baby was so close and yet untouchable.
We cried together, not only because we couldn’t see him, but what does this mean? We knew it was good for her to spend time with him before she says goodbye. And yet the idea that she might change her mind and we may never get to meet him was looming over us. We turned on worship music and spent the next two hours crying and praying. I kept telling myself that she gets 24 hours, and we would get the rest of his life, and she deserves to spend the time she wants with him. After we sat with the news we sent a text to Mama J, telling her that we were happy she was getting time with him and that we couldn’t wait to meet him tomorrow. We went to bed early feeling helpless, emotional, and hoping that tomorrow would be better news.
After the worst night of sleep ever, waking every couple hours and just praying for what was to come, we woke up and got a text that we were to be at the hospital at 11am! At 10:40am we got in the car and made our way to the postpartum unit. We were buzzed in and asked to wait in a room labeled bonding. After a couple minutes Mama J’s caseworker came in and said Mama J had decided not to be there when we met the baby and for us to go in together. Right then Mama J came in and said hi to us. We gave her the biggest hug and told her how beautiful he was and how thankful we are for her. We gave her some flowers and hugged her again. As she went back to her room she said to us “You have a cute boy in there!” and we were walked to the nursery to meet our son for the first time!
Tuesday, March 15th at 11am, almost 24 hours after Archer had been born, we walked into the nursery to meet our son. We were greeted by the sweetest nurse, Jocelyn, who gave us a hug and said how excited she was for us! I immediately began to cry overcome with emotion. So much back and forth, so much heartache and longing, it was finally here. The day I had quite literally been waiting my entire life for. To meet our son!
We were taken into a small room and after a couple minutes they wheeled in the tiniest, sweetest boy. I picked him up from his bed and instantly knew this was the baby God had chosen for us. The most perfect, beautiful baby. This baby was the reason for all those negative pregnancy tests, for all the “not yets” from expectant moms. It was all because this was the boy, hand picked out for us.
We cried as we held and looked at our sweet baby. I felt the most peace I had felt since we left for Utah. Which can only be explained by God’s grace and perfect peace. We still had 3 and a half hours until mama J would sign papers, officially relinquishing her legal parental rights. The earliest she could sign documents is 24 hours after birth per Utah state law. Once she signed, it would be permanent and irrevocable.
When I thought of what this time in waiting would be like, I imagined I would be filled with fear and doubt. But I sat and held this perfect baby in total peace. We spent the next few hours with him until it was time for consents to be signed. My heart broke for Mama J. Knowing what she was about to do, and what she was about to give up— raising this precious boy.
We prayed for Mama J to have strength and feel peace in her decision. After about 30 minutes the consents were signed and she was quite upset. I got up and gave her a hug. I told her that I promised we would take the best care of him and that we already loved him so much! That we were so proud of her and promised we would send photos and updates. We told her she was amazing, and that we would make sure he knew how incredible she was. Jarred and I had talked about it, and felt that it was important she know her son’s full name, including his last name. Most agencies keep last names from both the adoptive and birth family. We told her that we wanted her to know our last name and that we truly hope she is a big part of our lives. She thanked us over and over for telling her, and said how thankful she was for us and that she went with her gut when she chose us.
We walked her out to the car and gave her another hug goodbye promising to keep her updated. We went back up to be with our son and all day (all week really) had tears in our eyes for his birth mama, who was grieving her baby while we sat holding him, finally having everything we ever wanted. That bittersweet feeling is something I will never forget.
Archer is doing amazing! We spend our days snuggled up bonding skin to skin. He had a special visitor on his one week birthday, his birth mom! She came and snuggled him and got to see his beautiful face in person after seeing the many pictures I sent. She told me again how much it meant to her for us to allow her to come visit and to have shared our last name. She said while it’s been hard she is doing well and is so thankful she chose us and that he has us. She said she knows she did the right thing for him.
We love Mama J, we love open adoption, and we hope that our relationship with her will only grow stronger. We are so in awe of how perfectly this entire journey was orchestrated by God. From the beginning we had been praying for a birth mama who was kind, strong, loving and someone we could really bond with, trust and love. And boy did God deliver! We are so thankful, so in love, and so ready to get home and introduce him to family and friends!
We are the luckiest parents and we think it’s pretty cool that Archer has us and his birth mom loving him fiercely.
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