I remember my first call with Brad and Sonya. They felt called to grow their family through adoption, but were hesitant, wondering if an expectant mom would ever choose a family who already had two biological children. Thankfully, they took the leap of faith in spite of of their doubts. Now their sweet son has an amazing older brother and sister to dote and love on him. Today Sonya shares more of the details of their adoption and what they've learned along the way.
We have been processing all that the Lord has done since we got home with Griffin and it blows our mind every time. Here's just a few things we would love to share:
When we first felt that tug of the heart to want to extend our family through adoption, we had many myths about adoption that we believed. One was that adoption is for couples that are not able to have children biologically. We felt somewhat selfish in wanting to adopt since we had two biological children. This thought kept us from pursing adoption for sometime until we made that first call to Susan with Christian Adoption Consultants. She educated us on adoption, what types of families adopt, and the greatest need in adoption. She quickly dispelled many myths and stereotypes we had early on in the adoption process. This new information from Susan and CAC freed us to follow our dream to extend our family through adoption.
Susan continued to lead and guide us in our adoption journey. She provided a wealth of information about adoption, our home study and getting our profile together in a way that best captured our family. These things were very overwhelming in the first part of the adoption process and Susan made them easier by helping us navigate through the paperwork. Susan also became a prayer partner for our family and was a huge support to us when we experienced a failed adoption. She provided love and encouragement during this time and was a great confidant and neutral party to share true feelings of despair. She was also right there with us in the joys of receiving our son that God had intended for us all along. Every adoption challenged we faced would have been magnified without having Susan for support and guidance.
Susan blew us away with how responsive she was to our texts, emails, and phone calls. We were spoiled very quickly in the adoption journey and found out quickly that her quick response is something that sticks out about her and makes her special. Believe me, you want this girl in your court when going through adoption! Susan truly has a heart for adoption all the way around. She cares deeply for adoptive parents and birth parents. This brought much comfort to us, knowing that the love we were getting from Susan was also being given to birth parents as well. We were glad to know that Christian Adoption Consultants take great measures to make sure that all involved with adoption are treated and respected in the utmost way. This ranges from the high expectations of adoption agencies on the CAC list, to providing connections and special events for birthparents, to support to adoptive families for life of the adopted child.
What we want others to know about adoption...
It is so hard BUT so worth it! Adoption challenged our family is so many ways. It stretched us in our relationship with God, in our marriage, with family members, and financially. It exposed our selfish desires and frequently reminded us that we have no control over anything in this life. It caused us great pain emotionally. We experienced despair like we have never felt before. Waiting seemed like forever when really it had not been that long. BUT we grew in our relationship with God, in our marriage, and in our family in ways we would have never experienced had we not stepped out of the boat on this adoption journey. We've seen God's character and who HE is in a light that we had never experienced before. It brought us closer to God and closer to each other. Adoption is an adventure that will turn your world upside down for the better!
What God taught us along the way....
You are not in control and at some point you have to let go. The sooner you do so the better. God kept reminding us along the roller coaster ride of adoption that He had brought us this far, He was not going to leave us. And He didn't. God taught us how to come before him as a couple and surrender moment by moment in prayer. After long hours and nights of discussing situations and praying. God always brought us together on the same page as a couple. It didn't always end in our favor but that was also a surrendering moment. We quickly seen that this adoption process was not just about us, it was bigger than us. We needed a Big God along the way to help us. He never failed us. When things don't turn out the way you had hoped, whether a no to a shown profile, or a failed adoption like we experienced, it is at that moment that you have to choose to trust. To trust God and His ways and not your own desires. We will never know why we had to experience pain and despair along our adoption journey, but we know it was about loving the birthmother and her family God had brought into our lives at that time. It was bigger than us. Waiting and despair may be part of your story but God will never leave you in the wilderness no matter what He has planned for you. It was the wilderness time that was leading us to the son God had planned for us all along.
Our feelings towards the birthparents...
We have a love that can't be explained for our birthparents. We got to meet them and spent almost two hours listening to them talk in our son's NICU room. It was at that moment that We thought, "This is the beauty of Adoption." It can not be put into words how we clicked so quickly and how we felt as if we had known them for so long. We were able to get pictures with them and wrote down their stories they shared with us to share with our son one day. It is our hope and desire that they will remain apart of his life and reach out to him often. They will always have a special place in our hearts and we think of often and see them in our son's face.
How has adoption changed us...
It has given us more empathy for birthparents and the hard decisions they have to make. It has made us look at life differently. It has made us set aside our own comfort and "normal" way of doing things, to accepting change and flexibility on a whole new level. It has made us be less self focused and more other focused. It has created a love in our hearts for people we never would have met and it has given us a son, whom we loved before meeting.
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