Here's Hoping

There are days I find myself torn between despair and hope, hurt and healing. I've often made mention to friends that I wished the path to healing was one linear line upwards. The reality in my life though is that it's often a messy, zig-saggy, roller coaster of ups and downs, stops and starts. 

Healing is messy. Hoping is hard. Trusting is rough.  

I read this recently and it shook my world:

Hope and despair are not opposites. They are cut from the very same cloth, made from the very same material, shaped from the very same circumstances. Most of all, every life finds itself forced to choose one from the other, one day at a time, one circumstance after another. The only difference between the two is that despair shapes an attitude of mind; hope creates a quality of soul. Despair colors the way we look at things, makes us suspicious of the future, makes us negative about the present. Hope, on the other hand, takes life on its own terms, knows that whatever happens God lives in it, and expects that, whatever its twists and turns, it will ultimately yield its good to those who live it well. When tragedy strikes, when trouble comes, when life disappoints us, we stand at the crossroads between hope and despair, torn and hurting. Despair cements us in the present; hope sends us dancing around dark corners trusting in a tomorrow we cannot see. Despair says that there is no place to go but here. Hope says that God is waiting for us someplace else. Begin again. --Author Unknown

I naturally lean towards despair when things get rocky. Call it personality or outlook. I think it's mostly just human. 

Last November, when I needed it most, this was left on my desk. I still don't know who left it there but I'm so thankful. This little sign (and accompanying note) has been a powerful reminder for me.  

Daily I need to choose to "begin again" and choose hope. To put behind me my fears, me insecurities, my leanings to trust in my own strength. I'll work to lean into the One who is truly trustworthy, look to Jesus as my hope, and let the overflow be to love and forgive and heal.  

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:5)

Amen and amen. At the end of the day, I want to be found hopeful...He's promised I won't be disappointed. If you're looking for me, I'm the one dancing in the dark corners...