Thursday, November 29, 2012

On What REALLY Happened

People have been gracious. On the whole no one has asked for the back story about what went down with Jamy and I a year ago that left many (including me) shocked and stunned. I've only had one person ask; "so what really happened?" Others have been generous to let us take the lead and not ask too many questions.

Those close to us know details. And someday we hope to share these with our children so they know a part of their history and the story God wrote for our family.

Maybe someday we'll tell the back story publicly. Maybe someday Jamy will share the details since they are his to share. Maybe someday God will prompt us to share in an effort that He be glorified and others place their hope in him.

But for now this is what REALLY happened:

Sin happened.
What I thought would never touch me and my family personally...did. What I thought we were immune to... we weren't. What I believed I was safe from...I wasn't. We live in a broken and fallen world and sin hit home for us.  

Exposure happened.
We're promised it always will. Be sure, your sin will find you out (Numbers 32:23). I'm thankful Jamy had the courage to tell me what was going on, knowing that it could ruin us. But he was more concerned about his soul than he was for our marriage. This saved him.

Confession and repentance happened.
When everything hit the fan and Jamy confessed what had been going on, he was at the point of true repentance. He had men to walk beside him to show him his sin and show him the gospel. He was at a point of true brokenness and grief over his sin and it's effects.  

Forgiveness happened.
The good news of the gospel is that Jesus lived the life we could never live and died the death we should have died. God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).

It would have been easy to become bitter and angry and resentful on my end. I had been hurt and sinned against. But I couldn't get past the parable in the Bible about the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35. In it, a man was forgiven an enormous debt by the king and afterwards he failed to forgive a petty amount someone else owed him. How could I not forgive Jamy when I have been forgiven immeasurably more by my King?

Grace happened.
My goal is to be the tangible face of Christ to my husband. I want Jamy to have a glimpse of what Christ offers through my grace towards him. This doesn't always happen but I strive towards offering him grace in the big and small things daily.

‎True grace is shocking and even scandalous. It shakes our standards with its insistence on getting close to sinners and touching them with mercy and hope. And not just "sinners" in general, grace chooses to forgive those closest to us. Those who have truly let us down, those who have brought havoc into our lives with their careless words or selfish actions, those who stole the things most precious to us, those who cheated us, lied to us, and left us with nothing but pain.  This kind of grace is difficult to even think about and truly impossible to pull off on our own. It can only come from Christ who is at work in our lives. That's why true grace is more than just a nice idea or a pretty word, it is revolutionary. This kind of grace will transform lives, restore marriages, unify the church, and truly change the world.  (Phillip Yancey)

Work happened.
Both Jamy and I immediately went to work. We had a lot to work out. We let God do hard work on our hearts. He immediately got a group of men around him for gospel-centered accountability and who could speak truth into his life. We began individual and marriage counseling. The kids even went to play therapy for a season. We read all the quality material we could get our hands on, surrounded ourselves with people who challenged us to trust Jesus, and pushed hard into walking closely with Christ. Our lives literally stopped in order to focus on rebuilding our family.

Redemption happened.
Because we placed our hope in Christ, we have a new marriage and family. Our marriage has been saved. We will hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23). When we were faithless, he remained faithful. In the end, even with our hard work, it was Jesus that saved us.

And all of this "happening" really is the whole story. The only story that needs to be told. The only one that's really important. That God offers forgiveness, grace, hope, and redemption when we trust him.  

Photos by Atkinson Photographgy

For more of our story, click the marriage tab at the left.


  1. Susan, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this. SUCH a great way to explain what 'really' happened!

    1. Love walking though it with you, friend. Thanks.

  2. AMEN!!!!

    Our stories may not be anything alike at all, but what happened.....the same!!!! I think we need to talk :)!!!

    The best part- forgiveness and working on it....and of course REDEMPTION!!!! AMEN AND AMEN!!!

    1. Amen on "needing to talk" and getting out of the way so GOD'S story can be told!


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