Monday, October 7, 2013

In Their Own Words: An Adoptive Mama Shares What NOT to Ask

Today on the blog, one of my sweet prospective adoptive mamas shares her heart about what NOT to ask couples who are adopting. Amanda and her husband, Jarrod are in the very beginning stages of their adoption. I've loved getting to know this sweet couple, their heart for family, and their passion for adoption as an extension of their faith.

When couples announce that they are adopting, the same few questions get asked in response almost every single time. And even if you don’t out right verbalize your questions, believe me, your face says it all…

Are you infertile?

Isn’t adoption expensive?

Can’t you explore medical options to get pregnant?

Why not just get a surrogate?

I will admit that these questions bother me. What is the hang up on adoption? Why does society always assume that adoption is the ‘next best thing'? Or that you should only adopt if a couple can’t have biological children? (I’m planning to write a blog about that soon)

Since the time we really began to think that adoption would be something we would pursue, I have been perusing blogs of Christian families that have grown their families through adoption. I recently read an answer that really put the idea of why we should adopt in perspective. This particular blog posed the idea that maybe we are asking the wrong question.

Instead of asking, “Why adopt?” Maybe we should be asking, “Why not adopt?”

As Christ-followers, we have an interesting perspective on adoption. You see, we were adopted ourselves into a family that is not our own: God’s family.

The concept and idea of adoption and caring for orphans is all over scriptures.

It starts with our adoption into God's family in verses such as Romans 8:14-16

14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.

…and Galations 4:4-6

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.”

…and John 14:18

            18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

…and Ephesians 1:4-6 (a personal favorite)

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

And then comes the idea of caring for orphans and welcoming children in verses such as Mark 9:37

37 “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

…and James 1:27

27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

So what does the Bible teach us about adoption?

Adoption is God’s love language.

God adopted us. And He calls his followers to do the same for others.

The verses in Scripture that highlight adoption will never be the same for me - ever again.

I feel as though God has given me a deeper understanding for what he did for believers and the extent of his love and calling for the Christian’s life. And more than anything it makes me want to seek the Lord all the more.

This blog describes it well:

 Over and over again, the Bible discusses the special place in God's heart for the fatherless. The most obvious example is Moses, adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. Another notable example is Jesus himself, who was born without an earthly father and adopted by Joseph. And of course, if you are a Christ follower, you have been adopted by God into His family, eternally. What an amazing opportunity to let God's love overflow to a child in need of a family, and a home. Not everyone is called to adopt, but we are all called to care for orphans (James 1:27), and we feel that this is a way that our family can do just that.

… We can't care for all 147 million orphans, but we are praying and hoping to make a difference in the life of one child. To share Jesus with them. Show them unconditional love and what family means. To show them how we have been adopted by our Heavenly Father, the creator and sustainer of the universe. To put them to bed, to take them to school, wipe their boogies and sing them to sleep.

Let me repeat this one more time, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

What a thought:

With every sleepless night...

With every poopy diaper...

With every runny nose...

With every tear...

With every bottle...

With every lullaby...

With every hug and kiss...

With every single thing we do to meet the needs of our baby…

We are welcoming Jesus and answering the call on our lives.

You can read more about Jarrod and Amanda and follow their journey to adoption at their blog, Adding to Us.


  1. I love this on TWELVE different levels! Makes me want to write more things to NOT say to someone adopting...from our perspective. And the things to definitely not say in front of my children. Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to reading more of her blog!

  2. My best friend and her husband adopted. I love seeing other couples adopt, regardless of WHY, it's a beautiful thing. I loved reading this because my friend gets asked all the time and I think it bothers me more than her. I feel like it shouldn't matter WHY........I wish this couple the best of luck in their journey!


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