I haven't posted anything personal on the blog for awhile now. Of course each time I write about one of my adoptive sweet families it is personal as each one is near and dear to me. But for months I've been more quiet about our lives; our family and what's been going on in my heart. Not because nothing has been happening but because everything has been happening. All at once God does hard and good and miraculous work.
Our lives have been full. The school year and unexpected surgery. A summer full of swimming and camp for the kids. Just this past week Jamy started a new job as a social worker at a one of the nation's leading children's hospitals. I'm still running and loving the work God has called me to.
But that is just half of our story.
Little did I know when I wrote this last November, I was running straight into the hardest season of my life. And to say these past eight months have been hard is a gross understatement. But knowing how to write it out. Knowing when. Knowing what to share. That's the place I've been stuck and decided to keep it closer for now. Because sometimes words aren't enough to express all that Jesus is doing.
But I can share that the winter was dark. There were moments of loss, grief, and loneliness and the future was anything but certain. To be honest, even putting to words what those long months were like seems impossible. I earnestly prayed for God to work miracles. In the spring, there were glimpses of hope. I could seen the beginnings of answers to specific prayers. And the summer brought miracles. Full on, undeniable, moving mountain type miracles that can only be explained by the work of a God who fervently goes after our hearts.
Through it all, trudging through the dark, hard places, God's presence has been so near. Although my desperate need of him never changes, my awareness of the need does. And there's nothing like your life being torn in two that pushes you to Jesus. There is something beautiful about the dark; God's glory shines brightest in the darkest spaces of my life. And remembering his goodness and his faithfulness was truly the only thing that kept me sane. Remembering the truth of the gospel. Remembering my constant need for him...
This past weekend I got an email from a dear adoptive mama who has walked her own valley these past few weeks. She poured out her heart on a screen about the hard places of the in between. Waiting for God to bring promises to fruition and the hard stuff of trusting him in the midst of it.
Isn't that our tension always? The trusting and the doubting. The peace and the anxiety. The joy and the grief. All mixed up because we're human and we forget the goodness and truth of the gospel. Praying that in the waiting you will run quickly to Jesus and he will remind you of his sovereignty, his plan, and his goodness in the midst of all of the brokenness.
As I was writing this response to her, I was reminded that I needed to hear it just as much as my sweet friend. That this prayer I whispered for her at that moment was the same prayer I need to whisper throughout my days as I run quickly to him. Jesus, help me remember...
So, that's our update. For now.
Life has been hard.
God has been good.
And I'm working to remember...