Confessions of an Ex Runner

If you've been tracking with me in the last year, you know I've been running trying to run. I've gone from 0.0 to 5K but it's been a painful journey.

This week actually marks one year since I set out to do something I hadn't even thought about since middle school gym class. I took up running knowing I needed to strive to be healthier and take better care of myself. I anticipated that I would hate it less, love it more, and even look forward to it. I believed people when they told me it would get better and I would come to love running. All lies and never happened. I still dread donning my running shoes and hitting the pavement (or the treadmill). It's still a struggle to keep at it.

Then everything stopped six weeks ago with an emergency abdominal surgery. (Days earlier had you asked me if I would have jumped at any excuse to quit running I would have laughed and told you I would in a heartbeat.) But one of my first questions for the doctor when he told me how bad things were was if/when I could run again. Please note: this was the closest out of body experience I've had to date. (Ummm, is that the same girl on the doctor's table who loves Cheetos and lounging in yoga pants? She looks like me but it can't be...)

Little to say, it's been surprising. These last few weeks not being able to run.

Confession time: I miss it.

I actually miss running. The rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement, the fresh air, the free space to clear my mind, the good ache afterwards. I miss the feeling of accomplishment I have doing something that takes so much discipline for me to complete every time I run 5K. I missed out on running Rock the Parkway and wished I could have run it (there's a few words strung together I never thought would come out of my mouth).

Since I've been at this, I've run a few races. And one was actually fun. I've learned some good lessons along the way. And I have been healthier. I feel better when I run and I've lost 20 pounds. I've run a total of 321 miles to date. Real runners scoff all you want at that small number. But to the rest of you, this earns me lots of Cheetos, does it not?

So there you have it. Next week I'm hoping to get an all clear from my doctor and hit the trails.

And in two weeks you'll probably hear more about the lies that running is amazing. 

But for this brief moment in time - I love running. Let's pray it sticks.