Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Adoption Story: Scott and Amy

Today I am so honored to share Scott and Amy's story on the blog. Amy so beautifully shares her journey to motherhood. It includes an abusive marriage, remarriage, the gift of step children, and the long road she and Scott took together to become parents. After a crushing diagnosis and failed IVF and surrogacy, eventually they were led to adoption with Christian Adoption Consultants.

My story began when I was 3 years old. That’s when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. And my answer? A mommy. And that has been my dream ever since. And, most importantly, my prayer. It has never changed, never faltered. All I’ve ever wanted to be was a mommy. And now, after 37 years of hoping, wishing, and praying, I finally am. It wasn’t easy to get to where I am.  It was something I took for granted for many, many years. I thought I’d grow up, get married, and have babies. Simple as that. Until I found out that it wasn’t going to happen that way at all. That wasn’t God’s plan for me. I did grow up and got married, but the babies didn’t come. At that time we didn’t know why, but as my first marriage slowly fell apart, I knew that God had been watching out for me. It was an abusive relationship, one I simply could not stay in. I had to start over.
Soon after my divorce, my doctor diagnosed me with endometriosis. Each year, he encouraged me to get pregnant as soon as possible, because the endometriosis was getting worse. He suggested IVF since I wasn’t married, but that simply was not an option. It wasn’t part of my plan of getting married first and then having babies. Although I respect single mothers greatly, it wasn’t something I was going to embark on, on purpose. I knew that wasn’t His plan for me. I wanted a father for my children.  What I didn’t realize was that he wouldn’t come along for another 12 years.

Our story. By the time Scott and I met, my endometriosis was at stage 4. It was the worst news I ever received. Scott was my rock. He already had 2 kids, and together, we decided that that was the family we were going to have. I grew to love his kids deeply, and convinced myself that they were enough. My doctor gave us the news that I would have to have a hysterectomy to end my constant pain, and sadly, we agreed.

We were happy, and we were blessed. Our new family was doing well, but I was getting restless. I started losing sleep, developed extreme anxiety, and depression set in. That dream I’d had of being a mommy was stirring in my soul, and I pleaded with God to make it go away.  That longing was so strong. I felt guilty because I felt that my stepkids should have been enough for me. But they primarily lived with their mother, with us having them only on the weekends. Those 2 days were great, but the rest of the week I was alone, and lonely, and I started dreaming again of having a child of my own. I once again pleaded with God, to show me a way to make my dreams come true.

That was when my sister volunteered to be a surrogate for us. With my sister willing to carry the baby for me, my dreams starting coming alive again. Scott and I prayed about it, and after feeling this was God’s answer to our prayers, we embarked on a journey of IVF and surrogacy. I had my egg retrieval, 6 eggs were retrieved, and 5 eggs were fertilized. By day 2, one embryo had been misplaced by the lab, but the other 4 were thriving. Day 3—the lab called and said that 2 embryos stopped growing. Day 4—they called again and said we lost another one. Day 5—the last embryo died as well. We were devastated. We didn’t know if we had the strength to try again, but my sister encouraged us to try one last time. But, it wasn’t to be. My sister fell ill, and wasn’t going to be able to carry our baby after all. This was it. It was over. A biological child wasn’t going to happen for us.

We prayed for God to ease our pain, our suffering. We prayed and prayed and then felt one last urging from the Lord to not give up. Deep in my soul, I felt God calling us to adopt, but I knew our finances were drained from the IVF, so I kept it to myself. God however, had other plans. One day Scott completely surprised me by saying that he thought we should adopt! I agreed whole-heartedly, but was worried about our financial situation. Would we be able to afford it? We decided that if this was God’s plan for us, then He would provide. And He did. It was a few months prior that Scott retired from the US Air Force, and as a veteran, he was to receive extra income each month for injuries sustained during his years in the service. This was enough.  God had provided.

Our adoption journey has been a bumpy road. We began our home study process and got that rolling. Then we signed up with a consultant group that we had been referred to by a friend. Everything was going ok with them, until we felt God telling us not to present to a certain expectant mom. There were many red flags with this one, but our consultant thought we should present anyway. Following God’s lead, we declined to present, and our consultant soon afterward told us that her group could not work with us anymore if we were not going to present to every situation they gave us.  So, we were back to square one. We needed to find a new consultant.  And BAM!  God dropped CAC into our laps and Susan was available to be our consultant. This was very reassuring to us. We knew we had found the right organization and person to help us through this adoption journey at last.

We applied to a few agencies and started seeing situations from Susan right away, but none of them seemed right for us. And then it happened. Scott lost his job. We had to put on adoption on hold in order to conserve funds in case he didn’t find a new one right away. And he didn’t. It was 4 months of agony waiting for a new position and waiting to pick up our adoption journey. Then finally, he was given a great position and we could start the adoption process again.  

Shortly thereafter, we received a situation that was perfect for us. We were over the moon excited and nervous wrecks. We presented and had to wait a week before hearing back from the agency. The expectant mom had chosen a different family. We were devastated. My heart was broken, as I was sure that this was our baby. But God had other plans and soon after we applied to some new agencies. Then we got a situation from Susan. A good one. Could this be it? We presented to this situation too, but were not selected for this one either.

Then it happened. One of the new agencies we had just applied with, called. They had a perfect situation for us. They hadn’t even gotten all the way through our application yet, but the baby was going to be half Filipino, and Scott is half Filipino, so they wanted us to look over the situation and let them know right away if we wanted to present. We reviewed it, and it was perfect. We presented 2 days later, and this time, expectant mom chose us!

God is so good, friends. To God be the glory! But the excitement was short-lived. After only a week, our expectant mom changed her mind. We were devastated. It was hard. But we put our trust in God, and started presenting again after a short while.We presented 3 more times and got 3 more no’s. Then, we got another yes! I’d love to say we were over the moon, but fear of another failed adoption was very real. Still, we held out hope that this was the one, the baby God intended for us.  And, she was.

Isabella Grace was born on March 5, 2016 at 4:14 pm, weighing 7lbs 7oz and 20 in long. And she is perfect! This is such a miracle friends, and has God written all over it. There is no better way to describe it. She is a gift from God, hand selected by Him just for us. We couldn’t have written this story…no, God wrote every word of it. Have faith, and you shall receive.  

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story, Amy. Couldn't make it through without crying... Blessings to your beautiful family. Isabella Grace is so precious!


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