Positive Adoption Language: A [Mini] Tutorial

The language we use says a lot about our thoughts and values. Using positive adoption language communicates that adoption is as much a way to build a family as birth is. Both are equally important and valuable.

Sometimes we don't even realize we're using language that detracts from the value of adoption. But within one week of a birth an adoptive mom can tell you dozens of times she's already been offended: Is that your real baby? Do you ever want children of your own one day?  

It can be even worse for an expectant or birth mother. She has stories too where she inwardly rolls her eyes or cries after the comments and questions she gets. Why don't you want your baby?  Why are you giving them up?

The truth is, birth parents make an adoption plan. They are not "giving up" their baby. In fact, the opposite it true. They are making a thoughtful, selfless decision to choose an adoptive family for their baby since they are not in a season in their lives to parent themselves.

The term "put up for adoption" is actually from the orphan train era. During a period in America's history from 1854 to 1929 there was an estimated 200,000 children who were orphaned, abandoned, or abused and neglected. These children, many from crowded Eastern cities, were placed on trains and sent to homes throughout the country. They were "put up" on platforms for families unable to have biological children or even needing able-bodied children to work on their farms. This is noted as America's first attempt at a foster care system. You can see why the term "put up for adoption" has negative connotations, to say the least.

By using the following positive adoption language*, you'll reflect the true nature of adoption; one that honors the child, the birth parents, and the adoptive family.

Terms to Avoid	Positive Adoption Language
Real/natural parents	Birth or first parents: expectant mother, birthmother, birth father
Children of your own	Biological children
Adopted child/own child	My child
Adopted child	Child
Is adopted	Was adopted
Illegitimate	Born to unmarried parents
Give up or put up for adoption	Place for adoption, made an adoption plan
Adopt out	Adoption
Keep the child	Chose to parent
Mixed race	Biracial or Multiracial
Bi-racial family	Transracial or Multicultural family
Foreign adoption	International adoption
Hard to place/available children	Adoptable/waiting children
Handicapped	Person with disabilities

*Adapted from my work with Hannah's Dream Adoptions

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