My beautiful and messy life as a wife, mama, and adoption consultant.
Monday, November 9, 2015
in their own words: adoption + selflessness
Today I'm thrilled to share some thoughts from one of my sweet adoptive mamas, Meg. Nik and Meg have adopted twice now and have a full and busy home with their two boys. I love her thoughts on adoption, motherhood, and selflessness...
In honor of Adoption Awareness Month, I wanted to share a few things that have been on my heart. I don’t speak much about the complexities of adoption on the blog or social media. Don’t get me wrong - they are there. Adoption is never without tragedy, pain, and a mix of the bitter and the sweet. But, I am living in a daily world of the beauty and blessing of my two boys (as hard as it can be to have two babes as little as they are). I’m giving in to all the joy that comes from their lives being in mine.
I’ve learned so much the last two years. Being a parent takes so much selflessness. Its wild how even the small selfless acts add up throughout the day making it so evident that you are no longer living life for yourself (who wants to go the bathroom in private or eat a hot meal anyway?? And, finishing a series on Netflix? Forget about it!). I believe that you have to find some balance and take time for yourself and your marriage. But, really, being a parent causes you to die to yourself and your desires on a consistent basis. You are not first.
I think that if I would have fully understood this point while we struggled with pregnancy loss, we would have moved forward a little more quickly on our adoption journey. (Thank God we didn’t, because our boys came to us in the most timely manner and the details probably wouldn’t have worked out if we had done things differently.) We were struggling to have a biological child and hurting as we watched people get pregnant and carry full term. I realize, in hindsight, that I was more concerned about what I thought WE wanted and what was best for OUR lives. It was about ME. But the second you become a parent, it is no longer about you. It’s about them. Every child has a destiny. And part of that destiny is WHEN they come along and WHAT family they are raised in. So, really, it was never about Nik and I having a baby. It was about Elijah’s and Samuel’s destiny - their purpose - their lives. We are simply facilitators and encouragers to that process. (Obviously, this is true whether you have adopted or have biological children!)
So, this is my plea - if your heart has ever been nudged towards adoption or foster care, don’t let that nudge pass you by. Push the nudge a little further and see if God has open doors for you. Maybe you will have to die to some of your current desires. But, guess what?! As soon as you become a parent you will be dying to those desires on the regular, so why not take the first step and die to that now? Everyone has their own journey and timing. I’m not saying that our journey is any better than anyone else’s. I simply felt something in my spirit asking me to lay out this particular part of our journey. Maybe someone needed to hear it. Maybe I just needed to write it for myself.
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On a side note (but very important note), I cannot let this day go by without saying this: The boys’ beautiful birth mom made the most selfless act by choosing a life for her boys that she could not, at the time, give to them. I will never, ever, stop being grateful that I get to be their mom. It is THE greatest honor of my life.