Monday, August 4, 2014

this is you

Sometimes God drops a bomb on you. You know the kind: the one where Jesus drop kicks you when you're minding your own business...

Stacey shared these words this morning and I had one of those moments over my Mac and Soy Chai Latte. 

Tim and Stacey had one of those crazy-hard-wonderful adoption stories. Walking with them was an honor. And hearing these words from Stacey made them even more meaningful. Read how God used her almost 2 year old, her town house, and a kiddie pool to catch a glimpse of perspective and grace.



Norah loves water. the sprinkler, the bathtub, the pool, the toilet (wait what?)... she loves it all.

A few weeks ago we had plans to go swimming at my aunt and uncle's pool, so I spent the morning rushing around getting ready. we're finally ready and I'm trying to urge norah out the door with my arms full of diaper bag and sunscreen and snacks and floaties when I say, "Come on, time to go! We're going to the pool!"

She freezes, then turns and runs to the back door shouting "pool! pool! pool!" Her little blue plastic kiddie pool is on our patio, and she is f r e a k i n g out with excitement.

She's confused. she heard "pool," and thought I meant that pool, the tiny one on our back patio. what I meant was to get in the car so we can drive to my aunt and uncle's pool, an amazing new pool with a kiddie area, with a splash pad and buckets that dump water, plus a playground! sure, the kiddie pool is fun. but! the big pool! It will take 30 minutes to drive across town to get there, but it's worth it because I know she will enjoy the big pool and seeing her aunt and grandma so much more.

I tell her no, we need to get in the car and the you-know-what hits the fan. MAJOR DRAMA. She's thrown herself face down into the carpet in utter devastation that mama said "pool" but NOW SHE'S NOT LETTING ME IN THE POOL AND MY LIFE IS DEFINITELY OVER.

So I'm juggling bags and buckling this little ball of negative emotions into her car seat, getting frustrated at the ridiculousness of the whole situation when I suddenly have the thought...

This is you.

-----

You have all these plans for your life, ideas of how you think things should go. you think it would be better for you if these certain things happen at these certain times, and when it doesn't happen, you get angry and throw yourself on the carpet and cry and scream. you want the little blue plastic kiddie pool, but you have no idea what I have planned instead. all you can see is what's right in front of you. You have no idea.

Two years ago we decided it was time to think about moving, so we put our town home on the market. I didn't think we would still be here. especially because four months ago we finally got an offer and a contract on our home, so we started house shopping and getting excited and making plans and daydreaming about a new home for our little family... then it didn't happen. It all fell through, so we're still here.

I'm also reminded of several years ago when we decided to start our family, something I thought would be easy. It wasn't. I had plans for how that would go, and none of them happened. Thankfully. Because otherwise we wouldn't have Norah. 

So when I want to kick and scream because our home hasn't sold and we can't move, I remember how I saw myself in the tear-streaked face of my toddler as I buckled her into her car seat that day. She didn't know I meant what I said, that we really were going to the pool and that it was going to be a million times better than her blue plastic pool in our backyard.

How could I be frustrated with her, when I act the same way?

I buckled her in and said, "I'm sorry that you're sad. mommy gets sad too when I don't get what I think I want. we are going to the swimming pool, but right now we need to wait and be patient. I love you."

So for now, we wait and be patient and loosen our grip on our blue plastic kiddie pool.


For more of Tim and Stacey's adoption and their adventures, click here.

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