Friday, October 17, 2014

Bathtubs and Birthmoms {Talking About Adoption with a 2 Year Old}

My brother and his wife became foster parents the fall of 2012. Literally days after becoming licensed, Tim and Meg brought this sweet little guy into their home. In the coming months I'll post more about Jacob, his amazing life, and how he became a part of our family. But for now I wanted to share this post from my amazing sister-in-law, Meg. 

We're thrilled that Tim and Meg will soon be adopting Jacob. Although Jake was placed with Tim and Meg through foster care, they share an incredible open relationship with his birth mother and extended family. I have watched them love her well: honoring her with updates about Jake, meeting up for playdates, and assuring her that she will always be spoken of with love and care in their home. They have promised her that Jake will always know his story and of her love for him.

Earlier this week, Meg had the first of many conversations with her son and made good on those promises. Who knew that a chat during bath time could turn into the foundations of many many more conversations to tell Jake about his adoption, his story, and his birth mama...

He was in the bathtub happy as a clam. In the middle of all of his splashing and playing, he burst out, “My mama!” This isn’t uncommon as he often does this when he meets new people or when I pick him up from daycare. He wants everyone to know that I’m his mama. To be honest, it melts me every time. This particular time it melted me as usual and I said back, “And you’re my son!”
However, right after I was surprised to hear myself say, “Did you know that you have two mamas? Pretty cool, huh?” He looked at me a little confused but agreed by nodding his head and replying, “Cool!” I elaborated and said, “You were inside your other mama’s tummy!” He giggled, looked at his tummy and said, “Eww! In tummy!?” I giggled back and said, “Sure were. And that mama’s name is _____.” He then repeated me by saying her name.
I encouraged him to get out of the tub so that I could show him a picture in his room. It was one of the quickest times he’s ever got out of the tub! Upon getting to his room I brought down a picture frame with a sweet photo of his birth mama and him as a baby. I repeated to him again, “Mama _____.” He then pointed at the lady in the picture holding him and said, “Mommy.” Before tears could come down my face I said, “Yep! That’s your mommy who you were in her tummy. Then a little bit after you were born you came to live with this mama.” As he pointed at me, he said, “Yea! My mama!”
I know it’s only the first of many, many conversations yet to come. I also realize that these conversations will probably continue to get deeper and harder for him. There will be questions. Questions, that many, we won’t have the answer to. Part of me wishes it could just stay this simple of one mommy gave birth and the other mommy raised you. But that won’t be enough as he grows and discovers more. It’s daunting, really.
What I do know, though, is that God made him for a purpose. If he grew in my tummy, he wouldn’t be uniquely him. He had to grow in her tummy to become who God designed him to be. On the flip side, he was meant to be our son too. We will instill in him many other unique characteristics that come from nurturing. Without the both of us in his life, he wouldn’t become who he’s meant to be. I pray he learns to appreciate and understand that…

You can find Meg's original post here and read more about their foster to adoption journey.

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